some of it is like, some would say funny, like, like farting or like feet. And then some of it is quite taboo.
You know, I don’t know if I want to tell my partner that I’m into something that’s not socially acceptable,
This is the Ask a Sex Therapist podcast, helping you change the way you look at sex. I’m Heather Shannon, and in a world full of sexual censorship, I’ll give you the raw truth about pleasure, intimacy in your relationships, and enjoying your body. Because it’s time for you to Ask a Sex Therapist.
📍 📍 📍 📍 Hello, everybody. We are back with another juicy episode this week, um, with our special guest Pepper Cat. Uh, Pepper Cat is the host of Spicy Spectrum, nominated for Best Podcast at the 2025 Australian Adult Industry Awards, and Favorite Adult Podcast at the 2025 AVN Awards on Showtime. She is also the founder of Design Your Dream Girl, nominated for Best New Product at the 2025 Australian Adult Industry Awards.
A former news producer who transitioned from breaking news to breaking boundaries, Pepper now leads the conversation in the adult entertainment world. A key topic Pepper has explored in depth is male loneliness, something she has a unique bird’s eye view on as a content creator. Through her lens, she addresses the complexities of male emotional lives and how many men struggle to find connection in today’s world.
So with that, welcome Pepper. Thank you for being here.
Hi. Hi. Thank you for having me.
Yeah, excited to have you. So I’d love to just kick it off. You know, I know we’re going to cover a lot of topics today. We’re going to get into some myths about porn, kind of the human side of porn, and also should you care if your partner watches porn? But before we get into all of that, uh, I would love to just hear like your story.
How did you wind up transitioning from breaking news to breaking boundaries? That’s an interesting journey.
Yeah. Yeah, it is. So I actually started as a news I’m a news producer, um, I produce night news, morning news, lifestyle, um, and porn and producing news. It may sound crazy, but it is similar in terms of producing. It’s just different content. So I was a news producer for about two and a half years. years. Um, I enjoyed it, but I wanted something else.
Um, the pay wasn’t that great and I was doing more work than what I was paid for. Um, and so I decided to leave and take a jump yeah, and I became, so I, I first became a phone sex operator. I didn’t, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I would do phone sex and I earned 📍 a lot of money. Um, and I was like, wow, this is a great.
Yeah.
this is really fun and creative. And then I finally got on cam, um, and did cam modeling. Um, yeah. And so that’s how I started. And now I officially founded my own company, which is basically, um, Design Your Dream Girl is basically, um, a site where you can design what your fantasy is and bring it to life.
And it’s not AI. It’s me. It’s a real person.
That’s awesome. Yeah, because I asked pepper before we hit record. I was like, what is this Design Your Dream Girl is this like AI? And she’s like, no, it’s like, okay, I love that. Because, you know, not that I’m 100 percent against like AI. And of course, it’s going to become a huge part of, you know, erotic entertainment and porn.
But like, I am also about human connection. And I think we need more of that. So that’s super interesting and cool. Um, I’m also curious, like, Okay. How has it been, not just in terms of, like, finances, but, like, fulfillment? Like, has it, is it more fulfilling doing what you’re doing now than news?
Yeah, it is. So I, I actually started, um, news during the pandemic and that was, it was really, uh, draining on top of crime that we had to report. You’re always reporting on stabbing, just, just, just the worst parts of life that you don’t want to see all day. Um, and now I do more of sexual pleasure as, which is really fun because I can enjoy myself but also help, um, other people feel good too and get paid for it
That’s so nice. Like, I love, I love when people love their work and it’s like a line for them. And, um, you know, I’ve had other sex workers on the show and sometimes listeners will be like, I didn’t know people actually liked sex
yeah,
yeah.
yeah,
Uh huh.
it’s really fun, so,
Yeah, and especially when it’s on your terms and it sounds like you’ve really done it as like an entrepreneur on your own terms, which is super cool.
Yeah, um, so okay, well, let’s get into some of the myths about porn. , I guess I could also share what I what I hear from people and then maybe you can kind of dispel them. But some of the things I hear is like, um, You know that porn can be addictive, um, of course it depends on the person, but um, or that porn, like women are treated poorly in porn, um, or that porn will be like bad for your relationship, um, I think a lot of people who are like raised more religious or conservative would also kind of feel like, you know, porn is just like bad.
Or like sinful or something. So those are the things I hear. Do you hear anything else a lot in terms of like beliefs or myths about porn?
Yeah. So, um, like you said, I mean there there’s a big myth that porn is bad overall. I’m not going to deny that there’s good parts of porn, but there’s also bad parts. I mean, but it’s not all bad.
Right.
indie porn on clip sites where people literally make. authentic porn where it’s not like the quote unquote fake body and this it’s just the average person on cam and they’re not being abused they’re doing it on their own terms like me and it’s fun and um I see porn when it comes to addiction.
It’s just like food or drinking. Some people get addicted, some people don’t, and it’s about how you control what you consume. Just like you consuming porn, if you don’t like to see the fake bodies and it makes you feel bad, then watch porn that has Natural bodies. I mean, I mean, it’s not all bad. And I think porn gets a bad rep because of the misconception and as well as to the Aspects, um, of sexual pleasure and what that looks like.
Yeah. I think that’s, that’s well put. I think like what you’re saying is like, and what I think is like don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater type of thing. You know, like are there negative harmful elements of some types of porn production or sites. Absolutely. Right. If you don’t know, watch the Pornhub Netflix documentary, but like, it was really good.
Um, but there’s also people like yourself where you’re like finding fulfillment and successful entrepreneurship and something that feels aligned for you, where you’re also like meeting a, a need for connection and pleasure for people, you know? Um, And so, yeah, I think that it’s important to kind of realize like very few things in life are like all or nothing important is no different, you know, um, so, yeah, so I love that.
Um, what about so 1 and 1 of my big questions that I get from people a lot. So, especially on, um. Well, actually with my clients too, with my private clients and also, uh, the calls I do for the peanut app, which is a lot of, uh, new moms, um, is like, well, you know, my partner is watching porn and it’s often like a female partner with a male partner and the guy’s watching porn.
Um, and the, the woman might think like, Oh, well, he doesn’t even want to have sex with me or like, this is making him not want to have sex with me. Or, um, this is bad for our relationship. Um, or sometimes my male clients will also kind of say like, Oh, I notice my relationship with porn is not always healthy.
So that’s something that they kind of work on. What do you think about that idea? Then it can become like a point of contention in a relationship. Mm
Yeah. So I think when it comes to porn, um, I think it’s what, The boundaries are set within a relationship. If your partner says don’t watch porn and you get caught, then. It’s your fault
Yeah.
I mean, I can’t, I can’t make excuses. Yeah, I mean, I mean, and like, that’s the same with camming or if you call a phone sex line and your partner says they don’t feel comfortable, then you deserve to get in trouble by your partner. I mean, I can’t, I can’t like here and excuse that. But I also speak to people who their partners No, and they’re open about it and they, they watch porn together and, you know, get, have fun. And then some couples, they don’t do that. And so, um, yeah, I think, I think it’s all about the boundaries that are set within each re.
relationship. I will say from someone who does do phone sex and who makes porn and cam models, we’re not in love with the customer. Even, I’m just gonna be honest, like, we don’t, we don’t have any connection with them.
Right. Right.
it is an exchange. Um, they pay us and we give them porn or whatever, a cam show or phone sex, but we’re not, we don’t, we’re not in love with them just to let people know.
So it’s not, yeah, I mean, just to be honest.
right. It’s not like your partner’s gonna run off with this person, you know? Uh, it’s not gonna happen. But, but you’re
just want their 📍 money, so, just being honest, so,
So maybe it needs to be a budget conversation, if
maybe so, maybe so,
that’s so funny. Um, but yeah, you’re right. It’s like it needs to be a conversation in the relationship. And one thing I see is that like people Yeah, they tend to make it mean something, you know, and I find that like masturbation and self pleasure is so different than intimate sex with a partner.
Um, and so sometimes people just want that space to themselves, you know, and not to have to be self conscious. Um, and that can also lead to like, do they not feel as comfortable opening up with their partner? And is that worth a discussion or a sex therapy session, you know?
yeah, well, something that I see with a lot of my customers is that they’re into things that they know that they’re partner will not want to do.
hundred percent.
some of it is like, some would say funny, like, like farting or like feet. And then some of it is quite taboo. And they’re like, well, I don’t know if I can tell my partner that.
You know, I don’t know if I want to tell my partner that I’m into something that’s not socially acceptable, but I’m going to do it with you.
Right.
Yeah. So, um, that’s typically what happens too, is that they know that their partner won’t feel comfortable doing that role play, especially if it’s explicit. Yeah,
you willing to share? Are you willing to share any of the things that, like, people would feel uncomfortable sharing with their partner?
Mm hmm. Oh, yeah, there’s so many
yeah, like, what would be some types of things?
So some are into Cisification I put that in quotes where they like to dress as women and put on makeup These are typically guys who, to know what it feels like to be submissive. These are sometimes guys who are in power and they want to be dominated and they like to wear heels and, or they like to be spanked or pegged.
And Um, and others are a little bit more taboo. I mean, if I’m going to be honest, I get a lot of guys who are into age play that
Oh, yeah. Yeah,
it up to their wife because they don’t want them questioning 📍
I have a YouTube video on that kind of
Oh, you do.
Yeah, because I feel like um And just to clarify for people, so age play, somebody might be in more of a, uh, child role. The important, the important difference between pedophilia and age play, pedophilia is you’re actually harming children.
Age play is you have two fully grown consenting adults who consent while they’re in their adult mind to agree to do a role play. Um, so to me it’s quite different, but I, I get why people are, are a little scared of it at times. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there’s, I mean, that’s, that’s a big one. Um, that’s like, I get, yeah, this is a big one. Um, some people have fantasies where their wife doesn’t look like the person that they’re, like, like me, like somebody may have a wife that doesn’t look like me, but they have a fantasy of like, I don’t know, like a sexy neighbor, you know,
Yeah!
and they want to, I don’t know.
You’re like, so it’s. It’s just fantasies that their wife sometimes can’t physically.
Or emotionally. Yeah.
or they just want to try something new with someone who’s not connected, who won’t tell their secrets,
Yeah. It makes me, I mean, it’s interesting because a lot of the fantasies you shared are the same things people come to me to work through.
really?
yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I see a lot of cuckolding too.
Oh, that’s big, mm hmm,
that would be the only one I would add, but it’s like there is sort of just a little group of fantasies that people are like, I can’t tell my partner this, or I’m trying to stop doing this, or I’m trying to get to the point where I can be honest with my partner about this.
Um, so it’s, uh, it’s an interesting, interesting journey. Um, but it makes me, you know, like, so you, you and I both in different ways are providing, like, the safe space that they’re maybe not feeling at home. So can you talk to that? Like, how do you be a safe space? Because if someone’s like listening to this thinking like, oh shit, is my partner not telling me something?
Am I not a safe space? You know, like, how do you be a safe space?
yeah, I mean, they tell us things that they would never tell their family or friends. Um, secrets that they don’t feel comfortable sharing and it’s all of us. I mean, we all wear masks and we want to be perceived in a certain light. The reason why they tell us things is because they know we won’t tell anyone or, I mean, we are strangers, like we’re not their wife or like a family or friend that we can tell like their co workers what they’re doing.
Um, and it’s a private space where they feel comfortable too because it’s a, um, sexual space
Yeah. I think that’s
opening up that they can’t really.
Right. Like you’re kind of saying, I am here to help you with sexual fantasies and exploring your sexuality in that way. But it is making me think like how can people create more of that in their relationship? You know, like, what does that look like?
I have a lot of customers who are husbands or like who have partners and they just like to keep things separate. Like they do like the wild things with the sex workers and they don’t do it with their wife or partner. It’s, it
that’s a whole separate topic that’s
It is.
even want to get into that too much. But yeah,
And it’s,
like, they put women into categories, you know, like we can’t be both or something, which I don’t think is fair or true. Yeah.
And I think it’s just like how society views sex period and how it’s so taboo that, um, doing what they do with us, with their wife. Can get out to the public, but, but the public should be open to kinks and fetishes
that.
sexuality, but unfortunately that’s not always true.
And also we get a lot of well known people, like different types of people in
Oh, interesting.
roles and certain things just can’t get out. So they just come to us.
Have you had people that make you like sign an NDA or anything? Really?
Yeah. I’ve had, I’ve had a lot of well known, um, most of us have seen, like, well known people because it’s, it’s a private space, um, phone sex, camming,
Yeah.
especially, um, and some of them, like, leave their names in the Skype, and I’m like, why would you do that?
Yeah. You’re like,
They’ll do that.
poor choice, buddy.
But they don’t care. They’re like, they’re like horny or whatever. But yeah, yeah, we get, we get a lot of well known people. Um, and so it’s just a space where they just don’t, they just want to keep it separate from their personal life.
Yeah. I get that. And I mean, I think some of the things that I would say if you’re, if you’re listening and you’re like, We have kept things pretty vanilla or like, I don’t know. We’ve never like really talked about our fantasies that much. I think the best thing you can do is kind of like, you know, me by calling myself a sex therapist or you by calling yourself a cam girl or whatever.
It’s like we’re conveying sex positivity, you know? We’re going to be a safe space. But if you’re, if that’s not your job, if you’re like, I’m a marketing executive or something like that, you’re going to kind of have to find a way to convey it. So it could even be 📍 Hey, I’m listening to this podcast called Ask a Sex Therapist, you know, and then you’re like showing that there’s some openness or you could say I’m, you know, 📍 reading this book, Come As You Are
and it’s really great. You want to read it together and discuss. Um, before I became a sex therapist when I was just a regular therapist, 📍 I used to have the book, The Ethical Slut. On my bookshelf and like the words on the spine are so large that you can like see them from across the room. So it was like sending a message.
That’s so funny Mm
feel like they could bring up sex topics with me. So it’s like I did that on purpose to kind of signal to people like this is okay to talk about stuff. Um.
a good idea.
Yeah. So anyway, so it’s like, yeah, when, when you’re professional sex related, we don’t have to really signal much more than that.
But when it’s not, and things have been more vanilla, you know, educate yourself, 📍 start sending signals to your partner that like you’re open minded.
Yeah, I think I think like that’s a big one too and even just asking I think people are afraid to ask Even like when they’re dating like what are people into have they slept with other men? like that’s that’s something like if if You don’t ask that, then you’re not going to find out if like, that’s what they’re into or, or, or like, you know, do they like to be pegged?
Like those kinds of questions people don’t even ask. And then if they don’t ask and then the partner is into it, then they’re kind of like afraid to even bring it up
Yeah.
But they should also speak up too and tell them what they’re into. But
I know! Well, and I think that’s a good point that it’s like another way to signal is like you take the first step and share a fantasy and like you’re a little bit vulnerable and like that’s how you get intimate with people is like you do kind of have to take a chance to be vulnerable. Oh,
And even to, I mean, there, there are couples who cam with, um, cam models and, um, like I said before, yeah, like, I mean, I, I know some people may feel uncomfortable, but like, if they’re into something just to experience what it sounds like, what it. looks like. Um, and even watching porn together. I mean, I mean, you don’t know if you don’t try, you know what I mean?
right. I couldn’t agree more and it’s like you’re not gonna like everything you try. It’s not always gonna be like a home run but You’re gonna like some of it. And if you don’t experiment with anything, then you just have this like kind of boring routine sex life that isn’t gonna keep you happy for decades.
Right. Yeah. I agree.
That’s, that’s my two cents. Also, so you live in Australia, right?
No, no, no, I don’t
Oh, you don’t? I
I don’t, I don’t I don’t, everyone thinks No, I have, um, a lot of listeners there. Um, but yeah, I don’t, I don’t I’m
so,
not ashamed.
because I know, I know sex work is legal in Australia and so it’s just regulated differently. So I also wonder maybe that’s why you have more listeners there.
Probably,
Yeah, it
Yeah.
And obviously some forms are legal in the U. S., but you know, we’re a little bit more uptight in certain ways.
So. Okay, interesting. Um, and then the other thing I wanted to hear more about is like just the human side of porn. Like, what are some things you’ve learned doing this work?
I’ve learned about my body, um, about different toys, me, um, feeling comfortable, um, embracing my sexual side. I did go to Catholic school from middle school up into high school. And so I, um, yeah, so
was raised Catholic too.
really? And so, I mean, you know, it’s, it’s Nice to get out of my shell and to feel comfortable in my body.
And then others appreciate my body too. Um, I’ve learned that a lot of people aren’t as comfortable, with their sexual side. I like feeling like I’m a safe. space for my customers to be human because sexuality does, yeah, yeah, um, sexuality does. It’s something that we like to sweep under the rug, and it’s not fully embraced.
And so being in this industry has allowed me to really embrace what it means to be human and, and also see the humanity of my. Customer too.
That’s like such a beautiful answer. And
Thank you.
and I think that’s true. And I mean, I’m also curious to hear more about your Catholic journey. But I know, for me, when I was growing up, I mean, It’s, it’s shocking that I became a sex therapist and now talk about this stuff publicly, but, um, you know, I was, like, afraid to get undressed in front of other women and, like, change my clothes.
Like, I was, like, uh, you know, slut shaming other women in high school, girls, I guess, at that age, um, and thinking, like, oh, this is bad, because, like, that’s, like, you know, you’re not going to be respected or whatever. And then Um, yeah, there was definitely this sense of like discomfort, I think, because of all of that with my own sexuality.
And so it kind of has become this journey of like. Freedom. I think in a lot of ways to be like, Oh, what if it’s like, what if it’s okay? What if this is part of my humanity? What if this is like, you know, there’s nothing wrong if it’s between consenting adults? Um, but how it’s not always easy. And I feel like not everyone gets there.
So a lot of people that I work with kind of come with some level of discomfort either from religion, you know, as a background or messages they got, or maybe they were slut shamed or maybe, you know, there’s so many you know, thing. So like, how do you feel like you got past that in your own journey?
Yeah. Well, I, I was similar to, um, so I, so I, I went to Catholic school, but, um, I grew up Baptist. So, I mean, I got,
She kind
got, I got both, which is like, so I got both and, um, I did feel ashamed of masturbating and touching myself and exploring toys. And then once I got to college, that’s when I. Loosened up a little and I actually took a lot of like sex courses in school like the psychology of sexuality just just like a bunch of like sex classes because I was interested in it.
Um, and then I ended up doing this, but yeah, so I, I got more comfortable in college and then I, I ended up getting more comfortable after college. Um, and doing this line of work has definitely made me more comfortable with role plays. I learned about different kinks and fetishes that I wasn’t aware of and what turns people on and it even educated Me, especially about the male sexuality too.
Um, and so, I mean, this is all a learning experience, but it’s a fun one too.
Yeah, I love that. It sounds like, I mean, I, I think I feel the same way where it’s like so much of the journey of getting really comfortable is education,
Oh,
like just surrounding yourself by like positive messaging around sexuality and like actually understanding your body and how it works and what leads to pleasure.
And, you know, it sounds like you’ve learned a lot psychologically from like working with your clients too.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I’ve, I’ve learned a lot. People are super vulnerable with me, about why they’re into something and, um, how they feel about it. And, um, so I’ve, it’s just, it’s just great that they feel comfortable opening up to me. Um, yeah.
cool.
yeah.
Um, what do you think that, like people listening might not understand about, like men and their fantasies and sexuality that you’ve learned along the way?
It’s on a spectrum, so it’s either what they’re into is just a fantasy, and then the dark side is what they’re into is something that they’re really into, and that they can’t say out loud, too. It’s just not one type of kink or one type of fetish. I mean, it, it varies, um, and it’s, it’s something that needs to be discussed more because the more we don’t talk about it, the more people just make assumptions.
Um, and honestly, in my opinion, um, the adult. Industry is needed,
Yeah. Oh, I agree. Yeah.
there needs, it’s, it’s an outlet that people can’t always have otherwise and it’s important. So that’s why I’m like, you wouldn’t have to,
I, I agree. And that’s something I think I’ve learned along the way to where it’s like growing up, it was like, Oh, sex work is terrible. It was just like, whatever. And the more I’ve learned, I’m like, this is like a needed service. You know? Um, I had an episode 📍 on sex and disability too. And that was like another sort of use case for sex work.
And the importance of it is that like, it’s not, everyone kind of has the same access to sex.
yeah. I was going to say like for phone sex, I get a lot of. visually impaired men and you do phone sex and people don’t think about that. Like some people need certain services because they physically can’t do something. And if they, or, I mean, I’m not saying that they can’t have sex, but you know, it just, it just makes the experience better, um, that they may not be able to find otherwise.
Yeah, I think you’re right. And I mean, I really do feel like there’s, there’s so much overlap between the types of work that we do as well in terms of like the safe space and helping to like reduce stigma. And, you know, that’s kind of my main mission too, because I think what you’re saying is like, When we’re so uncomfortable being honest, sometimes even with ourselves, about like what we’re into, then it does kind of like relegate sex to the like dark corners of our psyche and sort of the dark corners of our, our society.
But when we can just own it, you know, and talk about it, it’s like, oh, now we can actually like. You know, hopefully sex work will be fully legal soon in the U. S., but, you know, right now we could just be like, Oh yeah, I’m seeing a sex worker, like, oh yeah, and it’d be like, okay, cool, what are you guys doing?
That’s awesome, you know?
Yeah. No, yeah.
that would be nice.
It would be. It would
Yeah, to get to that point. Um, but anyways, I, I appreciate you like just sharing your journey and everything. And, um, It sounds like, uh, you’ve learned so much, and I love that you’re also, like, spreading the message of sex positivity through your podcast. Um, and before we tell everyone, like, where they can find you, like, is there anything else that you feel like people kind of need to know about, um, sex and porn and sex work in general
I mean, we, we come from different backgrounds. One thing that I want to say is that a lot of people, which I’m not saying that there aren’t victims who are adult entertainers or sex workers, but some of us are not. Um, there are a lot of people who aren’t victims and
of, like, sexual abuse or rape or
Yeah, or I’m not forced doing this and a lot of us enjoy it and we do well at it and it’s, and it’s a job.
We have to pay taxes a lot, a lot of money that, that IRS I mean, yeah, so I mean we are, um, yeah, we all come from different backgrounds and a lot of us are not victims and I don’t, I don’t want to be viewed that way.
you saying that, you know, and you’re very right and I think sometimes the same thing is assumed about people who are interested in kink, like oh, they must have been abused or whatever. Um, but you’re right. Sex work, kink, anything, uh, First of all, a lot of people have had various, you know, traumas in their life, um, and I think it’s kind of like, you’re going to find people with traumatic backgrounds everywhere.
Like, you know,
Exactly. That’s,
right, right. It’s not necessarily more prevalent in sex work. And I think especially. People like yourself who are like in an empowered position, being entrepreneurial, doing it on their terms with the boundaries that work for them, you know, um, to me, I think it’s like a really healthy thing.
So
Yeah. Mm hmm. Thank you.
Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. That was, that was a good addition. Um, so if people are like, okay, Pepper sounds kind of fun and awesome. Where can I like connect more with her? Um, where should we send them?
Well, if you want to listen to Spicy Spectrum, you can go to SpicySpectrumPodcast. com. If you’re interested in exploring, um, Design Your Dream Girl, you can go to DesignYourDreamGirl. com.
Nice. You got easy URLs. I like that. Uh, all right. So spicyspectrumpodcast. com and designyourdreamgirl. com. We will link to both of those in the show notes. Um, thank you so much for this discussion, Pepper. It was like very refreshing and, uh, I think people will really enjoy your perspective. So it was great having you.
Thank you. Thank you, Heather. I
All right. Good. Uh, bye everybody. Thank you for listening and we’ll catch you next week on Ask a Sex Therapist.
Hey, everybody. Thank you so much for listening to the show. We are very happy to have you here. If you are a new listener, you are very, very welcome. Um, if you guys ever need to reach out to me, you can do that through my website, heathershannon. co. Again, that’s heathershannon. co. And don’t forget to follow the show.
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