📍 📍 📍 📍 📍 hello, everybody. We are here with a listener Q& A episode. And it’s been a while. I’m excited to do this one. Uh, we have some really fun topics for you guys. And if you have a question and you’re just like, Oh, I don’t know who to ask this to, or I feel we’re bringing this up.

Ask me, I’m here for it. Um, we will include the link to anonymously ask your question for the next listener Q and a episode. And keep in mind with that, It’s so anonymous. I can’t reply to you. So I can’t ask for any like clarification or details. So include enough details about, you know, your age, your gender, your sexual orientation, if they’re relevant, um, any kind of unique aspects about you or your situation that will help me answer the question.

Um, but yeah, we love doing those. And then secondly, thank you guys so much for listening. Um, Follow the show so you don’t miss further episodes. Following the show takes two seconds. You just click the little button at the top of your podcast app or click the subscribe button on YouTube. Um, and it helps us grow.

It helps me continue to do this. It helps motivate me and get excited about the work knowing that people are tuning in. Um, and it helps us get found, uh, on YouTube and on the podcast apps and it helps us appear on the chart. So one tiny little thing that is free and takes two seconds. Makes a huge difference.

So thank you guys for supporting us in that way. Okay, without further ado We’re gonna start with the questions and we have I had normally I do four. I’m gonna do five today So we’re gonna talk about penis size porn Preferences and kind of guilt around it Erections chronic illness and finding the words Alright, so we’re gonna start with size.

So this question was kind of long So I I took Parts of it. I’m not going to read the whole thing verbatim, but the gist of it was being too big. Does size matter? Um, this person wrote in and said, you know, I’ve struggled with being too big for many women, relationships have ended due to size, uh, I’m nine and a half inches long, uh, I’m still six to seven inches long when flaccid, which can be awkward because I can’t hide my penis in my pants, as easily as other people, , Sounds like this person might be like a college student, uh, but like growing up, other students commented on his size, which made him uncomfortable.

Women have said that, uh, have said, no, that is not going inside me when he undresses. , friends have made nicknames out of it. Um, and so his questions were like, how do I react in these kinds of situations? Like, how do I handle this? How can I make it easier for women to sort of accommodate my size? How much does size even matter?

And, and also like, what are women’s preferences? Like, what do women usually feel is too small or too big in terms of length and girth? I don’t know if these are going to be the proper answers or what people are expecting from me. Does size matter? Yes, it does matter, right? Um, I don’t know if it matters in the way people think it matters, but it does matter to different people, right?

Most, uh, people with a vagina prefer an average sized penis. So, people might assume But because for whatever reason, larger penises are associated with virility or, um, being sexy or whatever, but most of my friends do not necessarily go for large penises or think like, Oh, that’s amazing. And that’s exciting.

Um, a lot of people prefer average. And so, so I think this question makes sense in that context, right? Like we often assume. Assume that like the bigger the better when it comes to a penis, but it can be a lot harder to give oral sex, especially if the penis is girthy. If you’re the owner of a large penis, you the oral sex might just kind of get the head of the penis and the rest of it isn’t gonna get as much attention, , or, you know, can’t do both at the same time basically.

Right. So there are, there are some just logistical factors. So I think penis size matters in terms of logistical factors. probably more so than the emotional factors, right? Like, do people just think like, like, I don’t want to be with someone with a huge penis or I don’t want to be with someone with a small penis.

Um, there’s some of that, but it’s a lot, lot less than people think. I think the vast majority, of people feel like it’s more about the person attached to the penis. It’s kind of like, I don’t care how perfect someone’s penis is. I don’t want to spend time with them. The no thank you. And I think the same can be said if someone’s penis is, you know, on the larger or smaller side, nine and a half inches is very far on the larger side.

So, I mean, this person, it makes sense that people would have these kinds of reactions with a penis that size. That said, I think that when someone has an attachment to you, when someone’s like, you’re a really cool person, you know, that even though they might have that internal reaction of like, Oh, my God, that thing is not going inside me or like, that’s so big.

I don’t know how I’m going to handle that. Or that could hurt a lot, you know, so people might sort of tense up in pain or fear or, um, and it could be fear of pain, but it could also be fear of like, Oh, I really like this person, but is this going to work? You know, are we going to be able to figure this out?

I don’t know. And I think the long story short is I think you can figure it out with any size penis, right? I mean, on average, women are having more orgasms when they’re in a lesbian relationship. So there’s no penis involved. So I think sometimes in hetero relationships, we Overprioritize the importance of the penis.

Um, and so I think it’s just a good reminder to be like, it’s about two people connecting, right? And some of that process, some of that connecting is about figuring out. Unique factors of someone’s body, you know, it could be like, oh, I’m ticklish here. That’s something we’re gonna have to work around You know, it could be I have a foot fetish.

That’s something that we’re gonna have to find a way to incorporate It could be I have a very small penis. It could be I have a very large penis, you know So I think if we just look at this as like One factor of many factors that go into connecting with someone, it kind of lowers the stakes a little bit in a way that I think is really healthy.

Um, the other thing is if you are somebody with a larger penis, there are a segment of women that do prefer larger penises, right? So, Go for those women, you know? Um, I think that a lot of times guys with larger penises, do well on sort of a more sex forward apps and sites like that life or the field app for dating, um, where it’s not necessarily like taboo to be forward about the penis size.

Um, so that’s, that’s an option. The other suggestion I would have is like, okay. When just kind of dating out in the real world, maybe meeting other college students or people at your workplace or, um, people through your hobbies, take your time and get to know someone because I think when someone develops an emotional connection and sees you for more than your penis, um, they’re going to be willing to work with you on it.

So that’s probably my big takeaway with this. Like when I, when I read this question, I did feel a lot of compassion because, um, I experienced some of this. I think what’s happening is, There’s some objectifying, like you’re being objectified for your penis size, and I experienced some of this being a sex therapist, actually, so, you know, it can be cute at times, but a lot of times, when people meet me, they forget my name, but remember, I’m a sex therapist, um, or when my friends introduce me, they’re like, they think it’s cool, I’m a sex therapist, they’ll be like, guess what Heather does, right?

Um, and so, And I went to a meetup this past week and I purposely didn’t mention my job because people do have such a reaction to it. Sometimes, that it’s like, I don’t just get to feel like Heather, the person I have to feel like I’m always like Heather, the sex therapist. So I think there’s a little bit of that going on, but so anyways, I skipped mentioning my profession and then they’re like, tell everyone what you do.

And I’m like, okay, here we go. So I think that’s just good to be mindful of that, like, it sounds like there’s some objectifying going on. If people are actually your friends, I would encourage you to talk to them about it, right? Like, I’ve told some of my friends, I don’t always like to share my profession.

I don’t always want it to have to be, like, a thing or, like, how people remember me. I’m proud of what I do. I love what I do. Um, But other people kind of can’t handle it sometimes, and it’s funny because our next question, we’re also going to get into that kind of from the other end of it. But, but I think that’s something that we can do better as a society with new relationships or people were curious about or attracted to is to realize, like, They’re not just their gender identity.

They’re not just their penis size. They’re not just their profession. They’re not just somebody with huge boobs, um, or a great butt. You know, it’s like they’re a person who maybe has some qualities that you appreciate. Right. But it’s important to be like, there’s, there’s a person in there. And I think that’s where we can, you know, go a little bit astray.

So I’m sorry that you’re experiencing that. You know, I’m sorry that you’re being kind of reduced to the size of your penis when you’re, you’re much more than that. Um, I think you sound like a very nice person. You know, I love that you’re kind of asking, like, how can I make it easier for women to handle?

I think some of that, like I said, is build the emotional connection, be able to communicate about it. Um, lots of foreplay is going to be important. So, I mean, the vagina can accommodate a baby, you know what I mean? So, it’s like, A big penis ain’t no thing, is sort of how I’m feeling. Um, so keep that in mind.

I think what’s going to help is, you know, there’s muscles in the pelvic floor. So when you think of any muscle, if it’s very tight and tense, which is what happens when we get scared, That’s not going to be very accommodating of a penis, right? So we need to relax the muscles. So I think relaxation is really important.

Maybe kind of, um, like a massage or, you know, some breathing exercises. You could do some like tantric breathing. That could be helpful. And then, um, lots of lube. Then, and go slow, go slow. I’m guessing you have to go slow, when you are having intercourse with people, and then I think also communicating what you like, because I can see, uh, it sounds like you date women, so I can see the women who Are with you kind of being like, Oh my gosh, like, can I even give him a blow job?

And like, am I doing this? Okay. So I think also giving feedback. I’m like, Hey, like, I know you probably can’t fit the whole thing in your mouth or maybe I, you know, we can’t fill the whole thing in during penetration, but like, here’s things that feel good to me. Um, so that she can kind of feel like successful with it too.

You know, I think we talk a lot about, uh, performance anxiety with men and erections, but I think that, um, Regardless of gender, all humans at times have some performance anxiety. So just encouraging each other, you know, I think, can be really helpful. And the more, you know, your own body, uh, the more effective that’s going to be.

I think I kind of answered the part of like, what do women usually feel is too small or too big. It just, it varies so much, you know, like there’s some people that are going to have like vaginismus where it’s like they have pain in their vagina and a larger penis is just like not going to be very easy for them.

Um, there’s other people who are more relaxed and like the pressure sensation of a girthier penis. There’s other people who like their cervix being hit, but everyone’s got a different length of vagina and like the cervix is going to be a different distance. So I think it’s really like there is no one size fits all with this.

You know, I think it’s about finding somebody where you can communicate, um, and find the things that, Do work for the two of you and focus on what you do enjoy instead of, uh, the challenges of it. And I, I really think this is something where like the longer you’re with someone and the more comfortable you are, with each other, the easier and better it’s going to get.

So I hope that was helpful. Okay. The next question I’m going to read this, this one was short, so I’m going to read it as it was written, and then I’m going to. Comment on some things. Okay, so this person said, I’m straight, but I like gay slash tranny porn. Why do I feel disgusted with myself sometimes after, but keep going back to watch when I’m horny just to repeat this cycle over again?

Okay, so I do want to just say the use of the word tranny, I think again, falls into objectifying, um, and it can be considered kind of a derogatory term. I totally get if you’re just like, Okay, that’s just what I was taught, or that’s what I’ve heard other people say, didn’t know there was, um, another way to say it, but yeah, you could say, I like watching trans women, I like watching porn with trans women in it, um, or trans men, I’m not sure what you’re watching, probably trans women, based on what I hear from people most often, and I think there’s so much Wrapped up in our sexual orientation and what we make that mean.

So I do have an episode, uh, called, am I queer? Are you queer? Where I kind of explore this more in detail. Uh, we’ll link to that in the show notes as well. Um, but this is kind of an area where like. I don’t know if labels are always helpful, right? Because if, if it’s kind of like, I’m straight, we’re putting ourself in this like bucket and it’s like confining.

It’s like, there’s this fence around us where straight means everything’s fine. And I don’t have to like, look at my identity more straight means I don’t have to come out to anyone straight means, you know, my life isn’t going to be simple and clear. And so we have this idea, but I got to stay inside this fence.

I got to stay inside these parameters. And then it’s like. Uh oh, I just dipped my toe in the, the gay area, or the interested in trans women area. Okay, so then that’s threatening, right? That’s threatening this like whole sense of identity that we’ve created for ourself, and I don’t know if that’s helpful.

So it’s like, what if we just remove the fence, and what if it’s like, I don’t have to pick a label, and I don’t have to stay exactly inside one fence, and I can like dip my toe in the other fences and see how I feel about it, and what if that doesn’t mean something’s wrong with me, and what if it doesn’t mean I have to like come out to someone and, What if it just means like, I tell who I want, when I want, and I do what I want, when I want, and I notice what feels good and what doesn’t and what’s pleasurable and what’s not.

Um, so I, I love that you’re like reaching out and like asking this question and like looking for some support and guidance around this. And then you say, what, why do I feel disgusted with myself sometimes? Um, I think probably a lot of it is because how we’re socialized. When I did my, training on gender, one of the things that we explored as, as a class in our training program was the idea that, you know, being a woman can kind of be expressed in a lot of different ways that seem more like socially acceptable.

Whereas being a man. Maybe has like a smaller fence. It’s like there’s a smaller parameters around it where you’re like, I really got to stay in this little bubble where, you know, men are supposed to be able to fix things and men are supposed to like sports and men are supposed to be into women. And, you know, it’s like, what if all of that is just like made up bullshit?

I’m just like tossing that out there. What if it’s like completely fabricated? Um, and I was thinking about this the other day, there’s so much within the realm of sexuality. That in my opinion is completely fabricated. It’s just all made up, I’ve been looking at these Facebook reels of people wearing, uh, like wedding dress boutiques or something like that.

And no, I’m not getting married, but, um, I like, I like looking at dresses and. The comments, oh, my God, like reveal so much about where we’re at as a society and like what people think people should wear or shouldn’t wear. And, you know, this dress looks like lingerie, you know, like you’re not leaving anything to the imagination.

And I’m kind of like slip dresses have been a thing since like, Like, at least the 90s and maybe the 20s. It’s not like a new thing. Why are we like scandalized still? Um, and I’m like, this person was fully covered, but we’ve just decided that this certain fabric means a certain thing. And like this certain fabric means something else, you know, it’s just, it’s just all made up.

So I think we have to look at it that way in terms of. Um, this definition of straight and what it means, and all of that. So I think in terms of the feeling disgusted with yourself, what can happen is when we feel like guilt and shame around one of our sexual interests, then It can actually become more compulsive.

So, what I would say is, like, really practice some mindfulness. I think mindfulness is such a beautiful way to do some healing, uh, of shame and stigma with sex. It’s like, what if it’s okay? What if it’s just like, okay, I get turned on watching trans women or gay men? What if it’s just like, I think, I know a lot of men who think that, like, just seeing a hard penis is sexy, you know, and so that can be part of the attraction, um, because it is this, like, symbol, you know, of sexuality and, uh, fertility and, you know, masculinity and, I also think that, just looking at the different dynamics of the way gender is expressed in gay porn or trans porn, I think could, maybe could be interesting to you.

And there’s, there’s also a taboo factor. So if we look at, uh, The erotic mind book by Jack Morin. He has a chapter on the four cornerstones of eroticism. So like what does our mind perceive as erotic? And one of those four things is playing with taboos, right? And so if you’ve been brought up to be like, You know, you’re a straight dude and this is what that looks like and then you’re kind of like dipping your toe somewhere else, it could be like there’s a little bit of a thrill with that.

There’s a little bit of like a dopamine hit. You know, there’s something about like, Ooh, I’m being a little dangerous or naughty that it makes sense that you would find that erotic. However, It can create this internal battle between, okay, I find this erotic, but I’m not supposed to, and this is bad and shameful and I’m disgusted with myself.

And so the more we can just like allow it and like, what if it’s okay, it might lose a little bit of that sort of taboo charge because we are allowing it and realizing like, this doesn’t make me a bad person. I’m not robbing a bank. I’m not like beating someone up for shits and giggles. You know, it’s like, I’m, I’m, I’m just figuring out what I like and what I find erotic.

Um, and then I think that when we shame ourselves, that can kind of perpetuate the cycle. So just just keep that in mind. I think this is a good area to work with a sex therapist on. Um, shame can be something that’s hard to work on by ourselves because it kind of thrives in the dark shadows where it’s a secret.

So I do think this was a good step just by asking this question, um, but I would encourage you, uh, uh, to reach out. Um, I have a couple openings for fall. My intern, Grace, uh, has openings and Grace is amazing as well. So, um, thank you for that question.

Okay. So now we have another one about. Well, more erections. This is a question from a woman. It seems it’s not an on off switch exactly. What should I know about how erections shift and change throughout a sexual encounter? Help me understand the penis.

So there is an episode all about erections. That’s one of my more popular episodes too. So you’re definitely not alone in being curious about erections. Um, you’re very correct. That is not an on off switch. Exactly. Um, I’ve, I’ve for sure had male clients. Kind of say like, hey, I’m with a partner and like, you know, we’ll be doing something sexual maybe my partner is going down on me Um, maybe we’re having intercourse and for whatever reason, maybe we pause and then I go down on my partner Or i’m fingering my partner or whatever it is and and And he’ll say during that time, you know, I’m excited.

I’m having a great time. I’m loving seeing like how turned on she is, but my erection will often go away. And so I think that that’s just kind of a normal ebb and flow. I sometimes think we have unrealistic expectations about, erection, it’s like you, you just blow on a penis and it’s like magically erect, or it’s like, you know, you hint at something or you kiss them on the cheek and they should get hard.

Right. And so I think just like letting go of that and realizing like there’s an ebb and flow and that’s okay. And like, there’s probably an ebb and flow as well for those of us who have a vulva and vagina that, um, You know, maybe we’re more lubricated and then maybe we’re turn on later, but not as lubricated.

And, um, there’s this idea that Emily Nagoski explorers in the book come as you are, that talks about sexual non concordance. And so it’s kind of the difference between what’s going on in our mind. Like are we psychologically turned on and aroused and then what’s going on in our body. So like, are we, um, in, you know, is our labia engorged by, Is the penis erect, is, you know, are we feeling lubricated, is there pre cum happening, um, you know, are the balls pulling up and into the body, like there’s all these different things that happen that are kind of signs of arousal.

And the idea is that, um, I’m not gonna remember the exact data, but I want to say the correlation between the mental and physical for people with a penis is about 0. 5 and the correlation between the mental and physical for people with a vulva is only 0. 1. So it’s kind of saying like, we may be a things are like quite connected, but they’re not actually as in sync as we maybe have thought.

So I think that’s important for everyone listening. This is like a great question for that reason. Don’t assume based on what’s happening physically with your partner that that’s also what’s going on mentally because they often don’t line up. So ask, that’s where communication becomes so important. Um, if it’s something that’s relevant in the moment, like Hey, um, do you, you know, do you want me to go down on you if you’re not hard yet?

Um, maybe you ask in the moment. Otherwise, it could be a great thing to talk about afterwards, like once you’re not in a sexual situation anymore. Um, and I don’t mean like immediately afterwards while you’re still naked in bed cuddling. I would sort of like let the, let the moment complete itself. And then maybe later on when you’re like fully dressed, kind of be like, Hey, I noticed this happened.

Like, um, what would be, how do you want me to handle that in that situation? Or I noticed that you weren’t hard when you were, you know, going down on me. Um, But then it came back later, um, is your turn on changing or is it just kind of, you know, that’s just like how your body works. Uh, so I think the communication around that could be really awesome.

Okay, next question. So this one’s about chronic illness and sex. Um, There’s a lot here. This could, this could probably be a whole episode. Uh, any tips for nurturing intimacy and relationships in a specific encounter or short term situations like during health flares or medical procedures, uh, and then also over the long term?

So I think this question is getting at the idea that, like, there’s just some unique challenges. Um, you know, I happen to know the person who asked this question, uh, and I think they have a quite healthy sex drive despite some of the health challenges. Um, but, but that can be something that’s variable for a lot of people with chronic illness.

Um, And a lot of us have more of like a responsive desire. So when it’s like life isn’t seeming super sexy, you’re giving us a lot of sexual stimuli and it’s more like, Oh, now I’m getting an MRI. Oh, now I’m getting a cat scan. Um, or now, yeah, now I’m getting some tube inserted somewhere or fitted for some kind of medical device, whatever it is that people are going through or I’m pursuing a diagnosis and it’s been challenging.

Um, It’s not always easy. So I think in the long run, I think it is really important choosing a partner who’s going to be chill about that. Choosing a partner who’s going to be positive and supportive and like bring some joy into your life. I also think here that, Kind of again, maybe this is the theme of this episode, like going back to, um, not objectifying people.

So it’s like, people are not their illness. People are not their disability. People are people and each person has different things going on. Um, and so I think also like, yeah, just not objectifying ourselves when we’re having health challenges or disability challenges, um, and realizing that like, You can have health challenges and be sexual.

So just tuning in and seeing, like, how sexual do I want to be? Um, how much of it feels like fun and nurturing to myself and nurturing to the relationship? And where is it kind of like, uh, you know, I feel bad that, you know, I’ve been dealing with all these medical issues and, you know, I feel like I owe my partner, um, something sexual so that they like stick around.

So I think just like noticing like where. Where is it coming from? Is it coming from a place that feels really good or is it coming from a place that’s like, I almost have like makeup for all of these, um, chronic health issues that I’m dealing with. Um, and this is something that I get too, right? Like I’ve had digestive issues, um, since my mid twenties.

So it’s like been 20 years of digestive issues. It has impacted relationships that I’ve had. Um, I also think everyone’s different in terms of symptoms, right? Like some people can deal with. Um, their partner, uh, being gassy or having a fistula, which is another digestive thing or having, um, you know, things that might be traditionally considered unsexy or like changing their partner’s bandage.

And it’s kind of like oozy and bloody and whatever. And, and they’re like not phased because they’re able to see their partner as like a whole person. So I think also figuring out like, where, where are those boundaries? Um, because I think there’s also people that are like. Babe, I love you so much. But like, when we’re talking about your bowel movements, or when we’re talking about, you know, your, your chronic health issues and, you know, struggles with functionality, it, it’s just not sex mode for me.

And so some people might need a different boundary where it’s like, we can talk about that, but then I can’t maybe be like, I can’t which, you know, um, turn on a dime there where it’s like, okay, great. We just talked about that. Now that’s done. Now let’s have sex. They might need sort of a transition. It might be like, okay, well, like what’s going to help us sort of transition from kind of like medical speak to, um, to sexy time.

So that, that could also be a good discussion. Is it just like some cuddling maybe? Um, is it finding a sexual stimuli, watching a sexy show, dancing together? Um, You know, uh, cooking and just having a meal and talking about your day, but some kind of transition I think might be helpful. Um, and then in terms of the shorter term and like the specific situations, it’s going to be really dependent on whatever your specific medical status is.

So, And I talk to a lot of people where it might be like, hey, certain positions aren’t going to work for me today because I have a pain in my left hip, or I’m dealing with sciatica. , Andrew Gerza and I talked about this in my episode on disability, that like, everyone’s going to experience some kind of disability, whether it’s long term or temporary in their life, right?

Um, like I mentioned, I’ve had some digestive stuff, so it’s like I’ll get really bloated and I feel like anything but sexy when I’m like super bloated is probably like the number one things that like hits the brakes for me in terms of feeling sexy and wanting to pursue anything sexual. Um, You know, I’ve torn my ACL.

So if you, if you’ve broken a bone, if you’ve torn your ACL, and then it’s like, you know, I was in this like, not cast thing, but like device for a couple of weeks, it was like a nine month rehab. And, you know, I remember I actually did go on dates during that time. Um, so I think that does kind of address the short term thing.

And I would just be honest with people and just be like, Hey, here’s my situation. Here’s what I can do. Here’s what I couldn’t do. You know, my legs like immobilized, I’m like trying to get in and out of Uber’s and you just kind of have to ask for help, you know? Um, so I think like asking for the help you need, communicating your limitations.

And I mean, if you are horny and in the mood, despite these limitations, which. For some reason, I wind up always getting more in the mood when I’m sick. It’s very strange. I think it’s because I can’t stay busy and like, go, go, go, do, do, do. And so there’s kind of like, sometimes when we’re bored, sometimes when we have space, um, you know, more interest in sex can come up.

So communicating about that with your partner too, is just sort of like, it might seem I wouldn’t be in the mood because of everything that’s going on, but I am and here’s kind of the limitations that I need us to work around. Like, are you game? Um, so yeah, I’m kind of like more power to you. And I, I’ve had a lot of clients with chronic health issues have really great sex lives.

So I think it’s also important to like, not Not tell ourselves we can’t have both, because we can’t. Um, and there’s actually a great book called Magnificent Sex by Peggy Kleinplatz that talks a lot about, um, sex as you get older. And that for a lot of people, the best sex comes, uh, later in life. Which I think is so encouraging for all of us.

To not think like, oh, then sex has to die. But the key Is that we have to be adaptable and like, how do we be adaptable? We know what’s going on with our body. We communicate it. We have a healthy partnership and we find what does work right. It might not always be intercourse. It might not be something it’s like, Oh, I got a cramp in my neck.

And then it’s like, okay, well then maybe it’s not like blowjob day or something where your neck is going to be in a weird position. So I hope that’s helpful. Um, okay. And then the last one, this one is about communication in a really fun way. So how do I give my partner positive feedback about sex? Like words.

I feel like I just keep saying that was so good. He gives me all these specific details in his feedback. Like I like the way you brush my shoulder or I like how you moved your hips. I feel lost with words for me. I’m so in my body and emotions. That the part of my brain that produces words or notices specific details just isn’t as active it’s like this full sensory experience.

So words don’t come to me as easily and I don’t know what to say in the moment or after to share that I enjoyed it. Okay. This is a great question because. So many people, uh, struggle with words. Um, I’m so chatty that sometimes I don’t know what that’s like. And I think I kind of process externally. Um, where I’m just like saying things out loud as I’m thinking.

Which like, there’s pros and cons to both, right? Like, that way also doesn’t always work right. Um, But what’s clear to me in this question is like how much you are enjoying it. And, and actually the question is very articulate and expressive. So part of me is like, just read him this question, you know, like, like if someone kind of told me I’m so in my body and my emotions that like parts of my brain are turning off and it’s a full sensory experience, I would be like, Damn, I’m doing a good job, you know?

So I think maybe you do have the words, maybe they show up later. That’s okay. And I also think, you know, if you have a moment where you’re just like, Oh my God, my brain isn’t even working right now. You could just say that, right? If someone’s like, okay, I must’ve done good. If she’s like off in some other stratosphere.

Um, and also, I know the person asked this was a female. So, um, So, yeah, that would be my thoughts. Like, you know, you can communicate it with a facial expression. You can communicate it by saying like, oh my god, my brain isn’t even working. It was that good. Um, you can wait until the next day or later on when your brain turns back on verbally.

Um, I think even like you writing this down, To me in this question, maybe like writing it down is going to be like how you find your words. Maybe it’s like, what would I tell a friend? What would I tell my therapist? Because, and I’ve said this I think in other episodes, um, I’ll often have clients be like, Ah, well, this is what’s going on and this is how I feel.

And you know, here’s what’s coming up for me specifically. And I just like don’t know how to tell my partner. And I’m like, you literally just told me perfectly, just go say that exact same thing. So I think there’s an element sometimes where like when it’s our partner and we’re kind of like, you know, I want it to be received well and I want, you know, to be like kind of vulnerable, but I like want a good reaction.

It’s like sometimes these other parts might kick in that are like people pleasers or a little bit self conscious of how we’re saying things. And so I do think, like, using that as a technique, like, what would I tell a friend about this experience, or, like, what would I tell a coach or a therapist about this experience can be really helpful.

So, I hope that, uh, everybody enjoyed this. This was such a fun episode. I love this group of questions. Um, and, uh, And I’m going to remind you guys, if you guys also love the listener Q and A episodes, we have an entire playlist on our YouTube channel of all the listener Q and A episodes. And they’re all some of the most popular ones.

Um, and then don’t forget, submit your questions cause I want to keep doing these every month, but I need some, uh, sincere questions, um, to keep doing them. And then, yeah, make sure you’re following our YouTube channel and follow us on your podcast app and we will catch you next week, everybody. Thank you.

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