📍 📍 📍 📍 Hello, my friends. Welcome to another listener Q and A episode.  Today, we’re going to talk about some of your crazy questions, crazy in a good way. Um,   📍 we are going to get into, you know, what do you do when you’ve been to therapy before, but it’s not really helping with the sex life and it’s not really bringing the passion back.

Um, we’re going to talk about, you know, why can’t I get off during penetration? Why is it easier during foreplay?   📍 📍 We’re going to get into different types of lubes, which can make everything better.   📍 And we’re also going to talk about a wife who wants to be able to initiate sex with her husband.  So stay tuned for all of those.

Um, and I’ll also let you know at the end how you can ask your own sex question for me to answer on one of these episodes. All right, so let’s get into it. We’re going to start with   📍 question number one. What can couples do when they’ve been to therapy before, but it has not helped them bring back passion or feel sexually connected again?

  I see this like all the time. So, you know, A lot of the people that I’m often the last resort, unfortunately, but a lot of people that I work with are very self aware people. They have a good sort of underlying friendship and like respect with their partner. And they’ve often done individual therapy.

Sometimes they’ve even done couples counseling. And I think there’s sometimes this expectation of I’m so capable, like, I’m smart, I’m a pretty good communicator, and so is my partner. Like, why, why can we not figure this out, right? And it can be kind of discouraging, I guess. So, that is a thing that can happen.

Um, and basically, part of it is not your fault. So I just want to start with that. Um, Part of it’s not your fault because there’s not a lot of training on this. Like when I got my master’s degree in counseling, there was zero courses on human sexuality, right? My undergrad is in   📍 finance,  so we know, we know I didn’t learn human sexuality there.

But, you know, I had to go to a whole separate training program, um, which still, quite frankly, did not satisfy my level. I’m a very curious person, so it’s like I’m also doing a lot of, um, continuing education and self education and reading books and, Um, continuing to learn as I go, which is great. And part of why I love this job, but you know, it also points to like the average couples counselor is not really taught.

about intimacy. Um, certainly the average individual therapist is not. So that’s important to keep in mind. Like when you’re choosing someone, if you are looking for someone who has a level of expertise in sexuality, like ask them that, Hey, is this an area you’re comfortable talking about? Is this an area where like, if I get into my   📍 kinks and fantasies,  are you going to be cool with that?

Like, do you have, you know, are you comfortable talking about ethical non monogamy? Um, can I get into specifics of like, Hey, I, you know, I tried going down on my wife and then I fingered her and then blah, blah, blah. Or are you going to be kind of like squeamish about it if we’re getting into stuff? And yeah, I don’t know if I would ask like all of that consultation, but I would, I would definitely ask them like how comfortable they are getting into sexuality.

I’ve also heard some good stories, you know, where some therapists are just naturally comfortable or maybe have done like some of their own. Work around that, but, but yeah, it’s, it’s generally not an area where we are very educated unless we’ve like really sought out that education. Like I have. Um, so that is part of what’s going on and if you’ve tried it and it hasn’t helped you bring passion, so if we go back to my   📍 Pathway to Passion, right?  I’m starting to kind of incorporate this more because I want you guys to understand like what does the process look like of going from feeling kind of disconnected to feeling really connected.

So the pathway to passion starts with communication, emotional mastery, making sure like, Your life, your time, your spending reflects that your intimate relationship is a priority. Oftentimes we say it is, but it’s not how we’re spending our time. It’s not how we’re spending our money. So then we’re like, is it, is it really, or is it more important to go on vacation and for the kids to each be in 5 activities, right?

Um, which are also valid priorities, but then like own it, own it, that like intimacy is not our top priority. It’s 10th on the list. And so it’s not happening. So, I think that that’s important. So some of that stuff can be done with an individual therapist or with a couples counselor, but when you get into the next.

Level of things. Um,   📍 so my second circle of the Pathway to Passion, those three steps,  it’s like, you have to understand how desire works. That’s typically not an education you’re going to be getting in. Most therapy, frankly, and even with most sex therapists. I mean, this is actually why I have a libido course This is why I have a finding your fire libido course.  📍

It’s available on my website Heather Shannon co If you want it, it’s only 49.  It’s like the best deal of anything that I offer for the most knowledge and value But it’s like if we don’t even understand how desire works if the therapist is trying to help you doesn’t even understand how desire works How are you gonna make progress?

Um, and then the next piece that I go over in the second circle of the pathway to passion is like body image. So that’s something, you know, a lot of therapists could have some skill at for sure. Um, but I think it’s like a little bit different like body image when you’re naked. You know, how can you be able to fully enjoy your body and allow your partner to enjoy your body, um, if you’re not comfortable?

Uh, so that’s, that’s something I cover with people. And then I think another piece that gets missed a lot if you’re, if you haven’t kind of worked with enough clients on these issues is, um, what I call consent and safety. So I think we all have a good sense of, you know, consent when it comes to rape or sexual assault.

But do we have a good sense when it comes to someone’s pouting when they’re not getting sex, someone’s having a strong emotional reaction, the other person feels pressured, um, or when someone’s not, you know, meeting emotional needs or when there’s just general resentment in the relationship or betrayal or trust issues, you know, it’s hard to feel safe.

Emotionally. Like, I think we need to remember there’s the physical safety, absolutely very important, but there’s also the emotional safety. So I think this is why, right? It’s like, we need to understand that there are like certain things that need to happen to get to the really good sex. Then, once you’ve kind of established, okay, we can communicate, I can manage my own emotions well enough to really listen to you and hear you out and not be defensive and triggered, you can do the same, cool, now we can talk about sensitive things like sex.

And actually get somewhere and have like a really fun, sometimes sexy and constructive discussion, right? So like you and your partner can do that. So it’s like part of what I do with people is like I’m teaching you how to create the space to be able to have those types of conversations. And we’re identifying where are those emotional triggers that need to be addressed.

first so that you can hold that space. Um, what are the skills you need in terms of communication to be able to navigate some of the trust or resentment issues, um, so that you can get to the fun juicy stuff, right? And then we get really specific. So like something you’re not going to find with, you know, the average couples counselor or individual therapist is, you know, getting specific about   📍 mental turn on.

 Because it’s like you could skip to the physical stuff, but if you’re not like in the mood, you know. A lot of times you don’t get in the mood as much and you’re like, Oh, it was like kind of half enjoyable, you know? So we don’t skip that. And don’t sleep on mental foreplay. That’s like probably my favorite thing.

Um, and then the physical foreplay, of course, and we’ve discussed foreplay is kind of like a misleading term. I think it’s like oral sex is sex, right? I think like fingering and hand jobs is sex. It’s all sex. It’s like, if you’re in my opinion, It depends who you ask. To me, I’m like, flirting is not sex, right?

People can flirt without intention to do anything sexual. People, some people just have flirtatious personalities, and they flirt with their friends and family, and it’s just like their way of engaging. They’re just like a friendly, vivacious, playful person, right? And that’s fine. Um, so I, I disagree a little bit with some of the other sex therapists that are like, everything is sex.

And it’s like, no. Um, so, so anyway, so that’s, that’s a thing. And then getting into the specifics, like what, what are the fantasies? Do you feel comfortable sharing them? Is there shame around fantasies? Um, or can you kind of break through and have this freedom to like genuinely express who you are? more fully when it comes to sex.

So anyways, this is kind of a long answer, but the point is, you know, it’s not your fault. Nothing is wrong with you. It’s just our society and get a good sex therapist, please. Or an intimacy coach who, you know, has mental health training like me or has, you know, done their own work and, you know, understands communication.

Yeah. You gotta like ask the right questions and see like what training and what level of experience does this person have before I trust them with such an intimate, sensitive area of my life. Okay, moving right along. Okay, so this person asks,   📍 I was wondering, um, what is it about me as to why I don’t get off during sex whereas I’m more likely to get off during foreplay slash receiving head?

 I’m not sure if that’s normal. Also, not sure the different types of orgasm, but I’ve never squirted. My body will get to the point where it will shake almost and become so sensitive. That’s when I have direct play with the clitoris, but never to the point where anything crazy happens. At least I hear, at least things that like I hear others experience.

Okay. So this is a really good question for a bunch of reasons, um, so I’m excited to answer this.

Most women, this is a woman who asked this, uh, most women don’t get off during intercourse. Um, And at least not from penetration alone. Is it possible? Yeah.   📍 Go back and listen to our vaginal gymnastics episode, right? A Susan Bratton, our popular guest who’s been on two episodes.  Um, she also talks about this, so go check out her work and get on her list.

Um, it’s certainly possible. To be fully honest, and this is something I may get into more as I continue on my journey and continue to educate myself. Um, it’s not really my focus to kind of be like, what, you need to be able to have all the types of orgasms. I’m kind of like, be in the moment, enjoy the pleasure, keep exploring.

And you will wind up having more orgasms and better orgasms and learning what works for you, right? And different types of orgasms and experiences. But it’s, it’s when we get too attached to, I must have this type of experience. All that does is create more anxiety and get us in our head. So, 100 percent go explore.

But, you know, it reminds me of that song, like, Hold On Loosely.   📍 Hold on loosely, but don’t let go.   📍 Sorry, I’m singing you guys. I don’t know how that happened. Okay, so, so moving on. Oh, I’m feeling so silly today. So So anyway, so nothing’s wrong with you. I would strongly encourage you read one of our other guests, uh, books.

So Dr. Lori Mintz was on episode   📍 54. I wonder, am I in 24?  Okay. We’re going to get that correct. And we’re going to link to it in the show notes, but Dr. Lori Mintz was on the show pretty early on. And she wrote the book, Becoming Clitorate. So in that book, she says that 90 some percent of people with a vulva are clitoris, um, orgasm most easily when some sort of clitoral stimulation is involved.

Right? So that leaves 4 percent of people who orgasm most easily without clitoral stimulation. So when you’re talking about trying to get off on just penetration, without any clitoral stimulation, that’s just like a tall order, actually. Like, once we know those statistics, right? So, educate yourself about it.

Also, that doesn’t mean you can’t be part of the 4%. Or that doesn’t mean you can’t be someone who can get off either way. Right? I do think there’s an element of training and when it comes to orgasm, we have these like neural pathways. I think of them as like   📍 grooves on a record.  And so it’s kind of like, okay, we’re used to playing this certain song on the record.

We’ve got to pick up the needle and move it over and play the new song. And then that needle’s just going to want to go back to where it was. We’re going to have to move it again and it’s going to go back and we’re going to move it again. We just kind of repeat that process whenever we’re trying to have like a new habit or a new neural pathway.

This applies to sex and also not sex, um, any area of life. So keep that in mind, right? So it’s going to be a process when we’re learning something new. Um, and it requires a little bit of patience and frankly. Sometimes we’re impatient. We’re like, give me my orgasm. I don’t want to wait for this other one.

That’s like learning a new pathway, right? And that’s okay too. Do what works for you. Um, and then when you also say, I’m more likely to get off during foreplay or receiving head, 100%. This is like a hugely common way for a lot of people with a clitoris to get off. Right? Oral sex. Um, because it could be very gentle.

Sometimes the clitoris is very sensitive, but when it’s, you know, a tongue, it could be like, oh, that’s like, very gentle and I can kind of relax into it. Um, some people prefer that sensation. Other people prefer fingers. Other people prefer a toy. Other people prefer the combination of penetration and using their hand, right?

There’s not a right or wrong here. My suggestion would be if you want to have an orgasm during sex, make sure there’s some clitoral stimulation involved. That’s going to be the easiest, fastest way. To have an orgasm during penetration. It could be your hand. It could be a tiny vibrator. We’re going to put so many links in the show notes with like everything I’m mentioning today.

So my new favorite vibrator is like a   📍 wee vibe. Uh, I want to say it’s like the tango X  again, we’ll put the correct one in the show notes. I think of these ideas, like after I create my outline and they just come out of my mouth during while I’m recording, uh, but we’ll make sure to have the correct one, but you know, if you get a small vibrator.

That isn’t going to like get in the way of whatever position you’re in and isn’t going to create a lot of like ergonomic strain on your body. I don’t even know if that’s the correct use of ergonomic, but, you know, like find something that’s comfortable on this. We vibe 1 that I really like. I think it’s very easy 1 to hold.

I don’t think it creates a lot of hand strain. You can kind of palm it a little bit more. So I think, like, for people who have, you know, carpal tunnel or different abilities with their hands. It’s a nice option. Um, there are also like, smaller bullet vibrators. You can also use a larger one, just depends what position you’re in.

So I think the smaller ones just give us more options when penetration is happening. So that’s the, the route I would probably recommend. Um, so anyways, yes, getting off during oral sex more easily is 100 percent normal. Okay, and then the next part of the question, not sure about the different types of orgasm, but I’ve never squirted.

So I have a whole episode on squirting. So we’ll link to that as well. Go listen to the episode on squirting. Squirting is not an orgasm. Squirting is a different type of release. They can happen at the same time. They don’t always happen at the same time. It is an enjoyable release, but it’s different.

It’s different than an orgasm. And there’s certain things you can do to make it more likely, but again, and I know I advise this during the squirting episode too, don’t over attach to it, you know, have fun, play around, try some things, see what feels good, um, don’t expect it to happen the first time, just follow, like, follow your bliss, follow your pleasure, right, so if your body’s like, ooh, I like this, more of this, then do more of that.

You know, if your body’s like, I know Heather said this was supposed to be a thing that helps with squirting, but like it’s not doing it for me, then don’t. Like you are the expert on your own body. These are all just ideas and suggestions. Um, and then your body will get to the point where it’ll shake and become so sensitive.

Yes, with direct play with the clitoris. So with squirting, it’s this. So this is interesting. I just talked about how important the clitoris is with orgasming. But again, squirting is not orgasming. Um, so with the squirting internal stimulation is going to be helpful and   📍 stimulating the G spot more, uh, specifically, which some people actually say the G spot is like the back of the clitoris.

 There’s a lot of debate because not enough research has been done on female anatomy. Um, so anyways, I, I love this question though because it’s like you’re exploring, you’re curious, you want to learn, you want to like try out different forms of pleasure, and like I love that, like that’s such a beautiful attitude.

So I would say just keep that attitude and   📍 keep exploring.  Okay, next question.   📍 What are different types of lubes? Can you explain its uses in sexual intimacy?   So, yes, so I was actually quoted. I forget what magazine it was now. It might have been like Self or Glamour or something like that. I was quoted in their article about lubes, and probably because I have OCD, I really went to town researching.

Especially when it comes to health. I’m like, I am not giving someone health advice that’s gonna like fuck up their body. I’m not gonna use something that fucks up my body. Like, we’re only gonna have the best for my people. So that’s, that’s how I feel. So I learned a lot. It was great. And so a couple of things.

So   📍 water based lubricants   can be used with anything, right? They can be used with condoms. They can be used with any sex toy. Um, I think of them as being kind of the most natural, the most gentle on your body. Um, the least likely to cause irritation. So if you’re somebody that has sensitive skin or is, you know, prone to like ingrown hairs or just like anything like that, I would say stick with water based.

So when we’re looking at water based lubes, we want to find something that is pH balanced. We want to find something with osmolality within the recommended range. Um, and we want to find something that is also , hypoallergenic.

  📍 So the recommended range for pH is between 3. 8 and 4. 5. So the vagina is supposed to be acidic.  This basically helps the vagina kill any bad bacteria. or yeast and kind of keep a healthy microbiome. So just like we have a   📍 microbiome in our digestive system,  we also have one in our vagina. So we’re looking for a pH between 3.

8 and 4. 5. The lower end is more acidic. The higher end is less acidic. That’s for vaginal use. Um, a slightly higher pH might be okay for anal sex because the rectum does not need to have the same acidic environment. Now, osmolality is probably a word. You guys have not heard before. It is not a word I had heard before.

Um, basically what this means is like kind of viscosity or like stickiness. It’s kind of like how sticky and thick and, you know, is it? Um, so we want low osmolality. So we want something to be a little bit more watery and that’s going to help avoid tissue irritation or any kind of damage. And so if you, here’s the other thing, right?

And this is why I’m just going to give you guys the answers. I don’t want you to have to go do your own research. When I, when I was researching this, I was like asking chat GPT stuff. I’m going to like each different website of each different brand and like looking at their FAQs. It’s kind of a lot of work.

A lot of the brands don’t publish as much information about the osmolality and the pH, uh, that I think that they should. Right. I think that the average consumer is just like, doesn’t know about these things, doesn’t know to ask about these things. Um, so anyways, let’s, let’s jump to, osmolality below 1200.

Um, if you are going to look into that, we also want to avoid sugar, glycerin, that stuff can disrupt the microbiome and lead to overgrowth of bacteria and yeast want to avoid preservatives where we can artificial flavors and colors. And water based is also good for vaginal dryness. Um, especially if you find something that has like aloe vera or something else hydrating in it, like hyaluronic acid.

So my number one water based lubricant, I personally use this. I think it’s great.   📍 Good clean love. Bionude. So Good Clean Love is the brand, Bionude is the specific product.  They also have vaginal lubricating products that are equally wonderful.

So if you’re prone to BV, if you are going through menopause, if you’re on a medication that causes causes dryness in your body. Um, you might also want to check out their vaginal moisturizer. So again, the brand is Good Clean Love. We’re going to link to both the lube and the vaginal moisturizer in the show notes.

Um, and we’ve pre researched for you. So they’re all, they’re all checking all the boxes. Okay, so now let’s talk about silicone based lube.   📍 So my number one recommendation here is going to be Uber Lube. Um, their most basic one has like two ingredients, which is really nice.  Um, it’s safe with latex condoms.

I think there’s some other condoms it’s not safe with. And we don’t want to use Silicone based lubes with silicone based toys. Now I know some other people who are experts in the sex, uh, sexual health and wellness space. And they’re kind of like, whatever. I still use this with my toys. I just wash it off right away afterwards.

And that is most likely fine. Because I am anal retentive and OCD about these things, I will not be joining them in that. I’m going to stick with my water based. But, um, it can degrade it, basically. So it’s like you just, for me, I’m like, I don’t want to have bacteria getting trapped in there. I don’t want anything to be slightly degraded.

You know, I’ve had, uh, BV before and don’t need to mess with that again. So uber lube. Yeah. So simple formula. It’s got dimethicone and vitamin E. Really, really easy. Silicone lube does last a little bit longer. So if you’re kind of like, Oh, I don’t want to have to be like reaching for the lube. I got in the middle of sex.

you might want to consider a silicone lube, especially if you’re like, we’re not using condoms or toys anyways. Um, it could be a good option. It’s uber lube is also great. It’s really not sticky. Um, cause some of them can be kind of gross and sticky, especially when they do have the, the ingredients. And I will also add like, Really, really not all lube is created equal.

So keep that in mind. Like if you just go buy like a random lube from the store, chances are the pH is terrible. There’s a bunch of artificial ingredients. There’s some terrible fake flavor in there. And it is going to make you more prone to yeast infections and BB. So I just say like, don’t fuck around with your body, please.

This is a way to show yourself some love. Um, okay, so that’s our silicone recommendation. And then there’s also oil based lubricant.   📍 So here I like Foria if you are going to use an oil based one.  Oil based ones are going to be a little bit more likely to create like blockages, or it’s a little bit harder for your vagina and vulva to kind of like clean itself out.

I would say just like, you know, do a good wash afterwards. Just kind of be more mindful. Um, you can also use boric acid if you are a little bit more prone to, um, BD or yeast infections. Um, this is a suppository you can just get at a drugstore. Um, and that acidic environment will also kind of help, you know, shed and clean out all the oil.

Um, but Foria uses very clean ingredients, very unprocessed. Um, they put some, you know, essential oils or Uh, kava or different botanicals in there that are all like pretty thoughtful in terms of like how they help your body Um, so that’s a nice option too. If you’re looking for something that’s pretty natural and unprocessed They also have some fun ingredients in some of them.

Um where You get a little tingly sensation, but that’s going to come with usually peppermint or cinnamon essential oil Some people are going to be a little bit more sensitive to that. So I would also say like Test it in a small amount somewhere else on your body before putting it under genitals. Okay, so that was our lube question.

Thank you so much for asking that. I do think it’s a really awesome, um, product to use, uh, to use during your solo sex, to use with a partner, and I do think that it makes sex and sexual experiences more enjoyable and more accessible for a range of people. Okay, last question.   📍 How do I initiate sex with my husband?

 I don’t even know where to start. I’m not always in the mood, and he has BPD, which stands for borderline personality disorder, so I’m not always sure how he’s gonna react either. So this is a really great question as well. So basically, A lot of us struggle with initiating sex. So we’ll link to my initiating sex episode as well.

Um, we don’t always know where to start. Sometimes it’s like, I feel like I should, cause like my partner’s initiating it more often than me. Um, and so we have that awareness. And I would also say, if you recognize that you’re not always in the mood, start to figure out why, what, what are the things that are hitting your brakes?

Right. Um, the most common ones are stress. Uh, so some people use sex as more of a stress relief. Some people feel like they’re just completely shut down. Probably more people feel like they’re shut down when it comes to sex if they’re stressed out. So stress is a big one. And then I would say resentment and relationships is another big one or feeling like you’re not getting a lot of your like emotional intimacy needs met.

Um, if you want to go deeper than that and like why you’re not interested,   📍 I would say to grab a copy of my finding your fire libido course.  It gets into kind of all the mind, body, spirit reasons why it might not be happening. Um, and I’ll also add that libido is very holistic. So it’s, it’s often the case that Three, four, five, six different reasons.

are kind of combining for why you don’t want to have sex. It doesn’t mean you have to perfectly address all of them, um, but the more you do address, probably the higher your libido will get. So that’s one aspect of your question. And then with your husband having borderline personality, so for people who don’t know, I think of borderline personality as being just kind of a more extreme aversion, aversion of like anxious attachment, where you feel a little bit needy, there’s a fear of abandonment.

Um, and sometimes people with BPD can kind of act out in more extreme ways where they might have addictive qualities, they might get suicidal, um, or self harm. And so, so it can be a real fear if you’re with someone who has some of those tendencies, even if they’re pretty well managed. Like, You know, let’s say your husband has a therapist or has found a, you know, a medication regimen that works for him.

Um, there can still sometimes be that fear when we’ve gone through moments with someone where they get very triggered or have an extreme reaction. And then it’s a lot on us. Um, hopefully you initiating sex would not trigger that, um, because it’s making him feel more wanted, hopefully. So what I would say is like when you guys are having a relatively calm moment, to actually have that conversation, you know, to have that conversation about, Hey, like I want to approach you more like this is an intention that I have and I want you to feel wanted.

Everyone wants to feel wanted. Like he might just eat that up. He might actually love that. Might be like, great, yes. And so just kind of asking, when’s a good time to approach you? How would you like to be approached? What I have found is that oftentimes when we are kind of a little bit awkward around initiating or like don’t quite know, um, how to go about it, we will verbalize it and say, oh, do you want to have sex now?

Or like, do you want to meet me in the bedroom? And what I, And some people, that works great. They’re like, yes, I like it to be crystal clear and verbalized. Most people, from what I’ve found, prefer it to be physical. Just, you know, hey, just start touching me. But, it’s very important, as we know consent’s important, but it’s very important that we have an agreement.

So it’s like, whatever approach we’re taking, just agree. Just agree on it. So my advice with that is Have that discussion about agreeing on your approach when you’re not in a sexual moment. You don’t want to be like in the heat of the moment, super turned on and being like, yeah, whatever. I just do whatever, you know?

Um, it wants, you want to be a little more intentional and thoughtful about it. So yeah, see what’s going to work for your partner and then go for it, you know, and maybe pace yourself. But like, I would say first, get in the mood. Then go for it, right? And so that’s why I kind of addressed your level of desire and your mood first Then approaching your husband.

And so if you realize part of why you’re not interested is Because maybe your husband is a little bit moody or there is some volatility or maybe you feel either like I don’t feel super safe You know being super vulnerable That might be a discussion too, you know for you to kind of reflect on What do I actually need to feel comfortable and like, look forward to sex and like, feel excited about it?

And it might just be I just need a little bit more reassurance or I need to know that I can bring stuff up and he’s going to be able to have like a calm reaction. Um, and kind of like, in internal family systems, we talk about talking for your parts instead of from your parts. So talking for your parts might be like, oh, part of me is feeling unwanted right now instead of being like.

Take it over by the part and kind of just, you know, you don’t want me and this is bullshit. And, you know, then it can turn into a whole thing. So hopefully your husband is working on it. The fact that he even has like a diagnosis sounds like a good sign. Like he’s probably at least on a pathway of working on it.

Um, and continuing to educate yourself. And there’s also a great book I wanted to mention related to this, um, called Stop Walking on Eggshells, and it’s specifically for people. who have someone in their life that has borderline personality disorder who they love. Um, and it’s interesting early on in my private practice, I actually got a lot of people whose parents, uh, one of their parents had BPD.

Um, so whether it’s a romantic relationship or familial relationship, it can definitely have a big impact on you. Um, And, and also whether it’s BPD or a different mental illness or an addiction, oftentimes those of us who kind of grew up around that, we can kind of have this real cautiousness and hypervigilance, um, where sometimes we abandon ourselves to take care of our partner.

So I’m just also throwing that on your radar. Just pay attention to that. I’m sure the book will address that as well. Um. But yeah, great question. Thank you, everybody. These were super awesome. If you want to submit a question, we will also put that right at the top of the show notes and we’ll include that in next month’s listener Q& A.

Um, also we have hit over a thousand subscribers on YouTube, which is so exciting. Um, so if you’re not already, make sure you check us out on YouTube. We’re very close to monetizing the channel. And once that happens, I am going to experiment with a little YouTube membership, where we’ll kind of prioritize, um, members being able to ask their questions for the podcast.

And I’ll be doing a monthly live Q and A that will be members only on YouTube, um, which I think will be really fun. So if you have any other requests for like what you would want included in a membership, let me know. Um, you can also, you can always comment on the YouTube videos, which is a really nice way to interact with you guys.

Um, and you can also always email us at AskASexTherapistPodcast at gmail. com. So thank you everybody for listening. Uh, if you’re listening on an audio platform, make sure to. Follow the show. Um, so you don’t miss out on future episodes. And, uh, it also helps the show get found by more people, which we really appreciate.

Um, and then lastly, if you are really wanting to work on your sex life, if you’re like, Heather, I need some help. I need some coaching. Like we’re stuck. Um, book an intimacy breakthrough call with me. So that will be at the bottom of the show notes and also on my website, which is heathershannon. co. It’ll just say request your intimacy breakthrough call.

Um, and if it seems like a good fit, we’ll meet and we’ll talk about it and uh, we can discuss how I can help. So thanks everybody. We will catch you next week on another episode. Bye for now.

 Hey, everybody. Thank you so much for listening to the show. We are very happy to have you here. If you are a new listener, you are very, very welcome. Um, if you guys ever need to reach out to me, you can do that through my website, heathershannon. co. Again, that’s heathershannon. co. And don’t forget to follow the show.

It’s such a small thing. It takes a second. It’s free. And it helps the show so much. So if you want more people to get this kind of Honest and uncensored sex education and relationship advice. Follow it, share it with a friend. If you’re on YouTube, subscribe, hit the notification bell, and we will catch you next time, everybody.