📍 📍 📍 📍 📍 📍 📍 📍 Hey, everybody. I have two very special guests with us today, and we’re going to talk about pleasure and toys and their book that’s coming out and their podcast and how to spice things up. So get excited. Um, my two guests, uh, we’ll start with Amy. Amy was voted 2022 sexpert of the year within the pleasure products industry.

She is a sex and relationship coach trained in both the Somatica and Hakomi method, a certified sex educator. Lead educator for Uber Lube, as well as co owner of a mother daughter owned online pleasure boutique called Pure Pleasure Shop. Amy has a passion for promoting shame free, pleasure focused sexuality education, while emphasizing the deep emotional and energetic forces behind great sex and intimate connection, offering everything from private sessions to how to workshops to erotic empowerment retreats.

All right. I have so many questions already.

Yeah.

sexual pleasure pioneer since 2008, educating people around the globe about sex toys and sexual health and wellness. She’s co owner and chief sales and partnerships officer of Hot Octopus. One of the most innovative and inclusive sex toy brands today.

April is an industry personality mentor and ex business 2016 woman of the year. April uses her fun loving attitude, worldly experience, and quick wit to help normalize the conversations around sex and inspire more pleasure for everyone. Yay! So welcome to both of you.

was a lot.

It’s a mouthful, but it’s a good mouthful.

Um, I, I know you guys are, you know, kind of on the, the book tour these days, um, and are busy. So I appreciate you making time to, to chat with me and my audience. Um, but yeah, right there in the bio, like Amy, that’s so interesting. You run a sex toy business with your mom.

Yes, I do. We actually had a brick and mortar from 2008 until 2019 and April was the very first person that we hired there. She ran the stores. She was our manager there in 2008. Yeah. So we, April and I knew each other before that. Um, and I was like, you’re going to work at my sex shop. And uh, so opened that store with my mom, mother, daughter, sex shop and had 12 wonderful years.

Um, in the, the retail side of it, like the brick and mortar side. And then we sold the store, um, miraculously right before the pandemic happens. So my

Oh,

Oh, we should sell, yeah, sell the brick and mortar, keep the website. So we still have pure pleasure shop. com. So it’s not really us selling dildos side by side, but now over the internet world.

Uh, so yeah, I’ve definitely a different relationship, um, mother daughter relationship than what most people had, but it’s, uh, Uh, yeah, it’s awesome. I grew up in Santa Cruz, you know, so it’s a little different than a lot of people, more progressive sex was never taught shameful to me. Yeah. We

That’s, yeah, that’s amazing. It’s, it’s interesting, like, in this field, you know, you meet some people that came from an unusually sex positive background and other people who are like, oh, we never talked about sex and it’s been this whole, you know, journey. Um, but yeah, that’s super cool. So how, how did you say you guys originally met?

together. I graduated from, um,

No way.

from university. Yeah. In Minnesota. And I moved out to Santa Cruz. Um, I was planning on going to law school, so I was studying for my LSATs and,

Oh, wow.

and that Amy when I was, yeah, yeah, I was pre law and then Amy was talking about, she was studying human sexuality, psychology and human sexuality.

And she was still, she was only 20 and she just turned 21. Oh yeah. And she was telling me about the sex shop. And I was. A person that didn’t grow up with, uh, talking with anybody talking about sex, it was something that it was, it was taboo. It was something you don’t say, and which gives, uh, Amy and I a really nice symbiosis when it comes to what we do for a living, uh, because I, uh, She saw something in me that I didn’t see back, back in the day and thought I’d be really good at it because I do love talking to people.

I just didn’t know. I would love talking to them about their pleasure and orgasms and, um, their bodies. So

Yeah, absolutely. I get that too. My undergrads in finance. So

Oh, look at you now. Yeah.

get the career change. Um, so tell us a little bit about how do you help people spice things up? I know that’s one of the most common things I get asked about. Um, and there’s infinite ways to do it, but like, where do you start with people with that?

When they’re just like, you know, we’re kind of in a rut. What do we do?

That happens so often. I know I’ve been there in relationships of the past. Uh, and well, this is part of the reason that the podcast and podcasting is such a valuable resource for people. It’s a tool that didn’t exist in the past. As much, um, information that is now, but it didn’t exist. I mean, Dr. Emily Morris has been out for a long time, what, 18 years.

I think she said of podcasting 2005. Yeah. So there’s definitely some resources that were out there, um, back long ago, but, um, and now there’s so many more books. Um, but I think when it comes to spicing things up in the, in the bedroom, like it really is. Understanding not only what’s out there, but understanding yourself and what kind of your turn ons are.

If you just kind of see things or hear things from your friends, or you’re watching some hot, steamy romcom and you see this, this, uh, thing that you think is what sex is supposed to look like, uh, that’s not the case for everyone. So, um, I think. Obviously sex toys as well, but there’s so many tools. I mean, we could have a 16 hour long podcast on, um, all the tools.

Uh, but I would

could.

there, right? Yeah. Well, I, I think it, uh,

yeah, you’re right.

like step one would be to acknowledge it. Uh, we’re in a sex rut. There’s, um, there’s something here that’s feeling a little, uh, dry, dull, disconnected, not as exciting or new. Uh, and so, and so often it’s one person that acknowledges that.

So say we’re talking about just two people together in a relationship. Uh, you know, one person is, is feeling that and the other one might not be feeling it, might not be feeling as much, or maybe both of them are, but usually I see on my, my end, it’s usually one, one person’s a little more passionate about it, about like, I want this to shift or change.

And, um, and then step two would be talking about it. Uh, and our book has. Uh, we spent so much time on our book, um, talking about ways to talk about sex, especially the challenging conversations around sexuality. We even have a whole acronym there called the connect formula to make those challenging situations or conversations easier because it can be really scary.

And we want it to do it in a way that is as loving and gentle and less triggering as possible. Um, and so, yeah, it sounds like bad grammar, but it’s like talking about talking about sex. Well, that’s like, that’s hard. It’s about that in

that’s what I say, too. I always say, like, have a meta conversation first to, like, create a safe space. And I think people need that.

And if you’re already skilled at talking about sex, then you can go into talking about the the issue at hand and and and then going from there and a lot of that is a lot of it is just kind of put it in a nutshell and we can dive deeper into if you want but is, is really, uh, broadening your ideas of what sex is.

So sex isn’t just penetration. Can, what can making out be sex can, uh, you know, like a naked body massage that doesn’t go to genitals, be sex can just rolling around in the sheets and like dry humping without even kissing, be sex, uh, And then putting, creating what we call, and it’s not just ours. Other people use this, the yes, no, a maybe list of different things that you’d like to try that you don’t want to try and that you’re open to trying and putting them together and then negotiation and practice and exploration.

That’s the nutshell of it. Sounds easy, right?

good summary though, Amy. I’m impressed. It’s almost like you guys have written a book

but one thing that is, that is really hard is figuring out what you want, right? That is some folks might be really decisive and know that they love, uh, they love penetration and they can orgasm if there is penetration involved, or I know that I need clitoral stimulation, but everything changes.

And with longterm relationships. If there’s body shifting and if there’s children or, um, environmental impacts or stress, um, the spice in the bedroom can leave. It becomes less of a priority. So prioritizing your pleasure is also part of spicing things up in the bedroom and, um, making it more of, um, not necessarily a goal because you don’t, sex as a goal can be really scary.

It sounds like, Ooh, I have to do that. Yeah. Do I have to? Um, and then. I mean, scheduling sex also doesn’t sound sexy, but making time like intimate time. And as Amy mentioned, like the yes, no, maybe list, like

Mm hmm.

curating a menu with your partner,

love that idea.

delicious things that you want to tap into.

That sounds so much more fun than scheduling sex.

Well, and we were just recording with, I think, what was it, someone recording where there’s something I was listening to talking about scheduling. Well, when we’ve talked about this and it’s in our book and on our show, but like April said, we’re scheduling in not sex, but intimate time. So, and then you, when you show up to that space, you’re negotiating what’s available.

One other thing I wanted to ask about actually was the Hakomi thing in your bio. I so rarely hear about Hakomi. And um, I’m curious, like, how do you bring that into your work? And can you just like tell people a little bit about what it is?

Yeah, I did the Hikomi training. It’s a two year training. Uh, and I describe as like holistic science. Psychotherapy, but it’s really, um, taking the whole being into account and it’s very embodied. It’s less talk therapy. In fact, very little talk therapy and more about going into the experience of what’s happening in the body in that moment, as someone is talking about feelings or hurts or, or thoughts or process.

And, um, And so I, yeah, I did that two year training and I, and I wanted to do that because, um, I was already working as a sex and relationship coach, but I felt like I needed more tools to work with people if they get, went into a big process or if something just needed more of me to show up in a bigger way.

Uh, and, and I, I mean, I love talk therapy and, and so Madoka, the training, I did the sex and relationship coaching training is also very embodied. It just gave light tools on how to work with. a bigger process and to help someone kind of go inside of themselves emotionally and energetically. Um, and so, yeah, I was like, I need more.

And I think that that’s where it’s really important to have. And that’s where a lot of the powerful work comes through. So yeah, it’s really powerful training. I I’ve been a client of Hakomi practitioners, um, for many years and I’ve had some really life changing experiences with that as well as other embodied, uh, therapeutic modalities.

that. And April, I wanted to, uh, ask you about how did you go from pre law to

To dildos.

this? Was it just, are we blaming Amy for that transition or?

well, I would, I would say that Amy definitely has been my, my, the sexual Messiah, if you will, like someone that has Sherpa, whatever you want to

I love that sexual Sherpa.

Sexual Sherpa sort of guiding me, uh, sometimes, you know, through, through what Um, the retail space taught me sometimes I would learn things that I didn’t anticipate learning.

Meaning the, the, the pro not the proper, but the, the ways that are inclusive to speak to people because Amy’s sex shop was very, uh, sex positive. Uh, so I didn’t even know what that was because I grew up in Wisconsin and the only sex shops that I Ever had seen before where truck stops with the triple X billboard outside that you just didn’t want to walk in.

You were scared you would never walk out. So I was so confused when she was talking about opening up a sex shop with her mother. Um, and I knew her mom really well. She was the second mom to me. And so, uh, she was explaining it like there’s going to be, it’s like, Think about a spa environment. This is what I remember.

Think about a spa environment. Everything’s going to be out so you can touch and feel. It’s only high end products that made of good materials. So then I started learning because I want to be good at whatever I’m doing. And I didn’t work there full time because I was still studying and I was still, um, kind of.

Thinking I was going to be a lawyer, uh, but I fell in love with it. And then Amy, because we were such close friends, we were even, we were best friends pretty much right away would take me to trade shows because she, her mom didn’t really want to go. And she liked hanging out with me and she was like, well, you can look at this stuff too and see what you want to buy.

So then I started meeting manufacturers as a buyer, um, with Amy and it was so much fun. I love the people. And then I, um, after a while, uh, the sex shop, I ended up moving, but I took a job with another, um, Manufacturer of fun factory out of Germany and became the director of sales there. So it’s, it’s, it’s been really interesting, uh, the, the progression of this career.

I never thought in a million years that I would be, um, in the field of, of sex and relationships, and then also sex toys and design manufacturing, talking to the world about sex and my own body. And so, uh, it really is something that I think happened completely organically. And I don’t. Ever see myself doing anything else.

That’s where I met you at the sex ed certification program with

Yes. Yeah. The Sexceptional Business

The success. Yes. And a lot of those folks have been on our show before. There are people that, um, I know, and I just thought it was time to, with the book and, and I, I have a lot of knowledge, but to get a certification and Amy has been certified for a long time and it was always like, yeah, check it out.

But it just never seemed like something that, um, that was important to me, but I am learning still new things, um, in that certification. So it’s,

I love Sexual Health Alliance, too. Yeah. I think you picked a good program. I did, um, the University of Michigan Sexual Health Certificate, and it was, like, pretty academic. You know? And I feel like Shaw is, like, much more, What you actually need to know to help people. At least in the, in my experience with a couple of trainings I’ve done with them.

Absolutely. They kind of debunk a lot of the things around sex addiction, which I love because I didn’t know a lot about that. And then also porn addiction and debunking it and making it so, uh, it’s not so shameful. And I think that that’s really important because people have a lot of shame around sex, which is where shameless sex comes out, which we, you We were never, um, knowing that there would be such a revolution.

It really has turned into something so big. People have a lot of shame and trauma around sex.

Yeah, so much like where to even begin. I feel like we could have, you know, thousands more sex podcasts out there before, you know, everyone’s gotten the information they need to get. So it’s good that we’re starting. Um, so I’d love to actually hear about sex toys and sex toy design, especially. I’ve always kind of wondered about that.

Like, how are sex toys made? And how, especially because it’s not something you can really, you know, Like, Oh, I’m just going to try this out and return it, you know? So like, how do you make sure one is like designed well for your particular anatomy?

That’s a great question. So there’s no way it’s, there’s no possibility of one sex toy being perfect for everybody. Um, and that’s also a beautiful thing because that means that you can explore different, different sex toy designs, and we’re going to speak to, let’s say, Volvo toys, right? There’s internal and external toys.

So a lot of times. When at the sex shop that, um, that pure pleasure, when we would get new products in, we would test them and it would work for Amy’s body and wouldn’t work for my body, or she would like something that I wouldn’t like, or there were even vibration, um, uh, settings like some are too buzzy for me and too rumbly or so it’s really an exploration.

And with the design piece, it’s. Trial and error. You definitely, if you’re purchasing sex toys, you can’t, I mean, most of the time they don’t let you return the toys in Europe. They do weirdly enough. There’s like a 30 day money back guarantee. And I don’t know if they actually ask for them back. They might, uh, but you can return your sex toys.

And, but in the U S it’s very much, uh, it’s very different to, to that. So I’d say that. When I’ve helped design sex toys, I would design toys for my body. And then we will expand certain pieces of those. Um, for instance, like cock rings. And instead of making a cock ring with an external clitoral system, Uh, tickler, let’s call it, that looks like a rabbit ears that will gyrate.

We would take, remove that piece and make something that’s more for grinding and wide enough to hit, uh, the, the inner and outer labia along with the clitoris. You can, um, feel the sensations. And I’m a firm believer in testing on a lot of bodies. So when hot octopus launches a product, we usually try to test in at least a hundred bodies.

What is, what’s it, who it’s designed for. It’s a penis toy. We’ll test on penis owners. If it’s a toy design for vulva owners, we’ll test on, um, uh, a large, uh, focus group that gives us feedback. And then we’ll alter designs based on that. Majorities of bodies. And again, it’s about 80 percent of people that we always try to target to, to fit, um, the design to fit on or in.

And then 20 percent is sort of that. Um, unfortunately, yeah, it might not fit for them. I’m like, I’m sorry. I hope so.

mean, like you said, nothing’s going to work for 100 percent of the people, but like if people are shopping for a toy, let’s say on one of your sites, you know, how do they know what to look for? Is it, if it’s like, okay, well, you know, does it matter if they have like a large clitoris or is it sort of like, oh, my clitoris is kind of like buried in the labia or it’s like very prominent?

Like should that impact their decisions?

In terms of the toy that they buy? Yeah, I think it really, really depends. So the beauty of the modern technology that we have with the interwebs these days, is a lot of the online websites, including Pure Pleasure, have specific categories. Like we have Shameless Sex Club, favorites toys, uh, on as a category on pure pleasure shop.

com. And there’s every, almost every kind of toy in there. So you can see what we recommend, but it’s a wide array of things, right? So, you know, April’s more of a wand style, a human, she likes one style vibrators, um, that’s used for external use. I like more air pulse technology also used for, um, for external use too.

too. Um, but also you can email us at pure pleasure shop. com and, and tell us like what it is that you’re looking for. And we can curate, you can give you a couple options and other websites, not just pure pleasure. They have like a lot of chat boxes. You know, there’s, so there’s other ways that you can figure out what you like, or if you have a sex positive sex shop in your area.

And I say sex positive because some of the other stores that are all over the country, um, the people that work there just more like the salespeople and they don’t really know a lot about the toys or they’re not sex educators, but, um, no sex positive stores. They’re really designed to, or, or trained to help you find what you like.

So, um, yeah, I think the best way to figure out what you like is to start exploring with your hands and to see. Where on your body you like to, so we’re talking about vulva is where on your body you like to be touched or and how you like to be touched. Right. So if it’s, um, you know, on your clitoris, uh, somewhere like on, uh, on or around your clitoris, a lot of the external toys will work for you.

Um, but then it just depends on what you like. Are you into like faster, harder pressure than you might want a more powerful thing, like a wand or even air pulse pulsator, like, like, What I like, um, is it more of like, uh, some sort of light stimulation? Uh, actually I do remember this podcast. We just did with, uh, this, this guy, Eric Everhart, who he was teaching about how to, how to, um, how to eat a pussy, um, go, how to please, please the pussy with your mouth was saying you want to, and with fingers too, you want to mimic a vibrator.

Learn the skills of mimicking a vibrator. So how is the how so if we reverse that right? How is your your fingers moving on your body? I mean then what kind of vibrator might be able to match that are you more responding more to something internal like inside of you? On the G spot G area something that’s thicker.

Like are you just using one finger two fingers? You might want something thicker So imagine that’s why kind of being able to match whatever it is that you’re doing with your hands But it takes that first step Exploration with your hands to understand what you’re doing. And if you don’t know what to do with your hands, go check out omgs.

com. If you go to omgs. com slash shameless, you get, um, 10 percent off. Yes. And they have season one is all about external stimulation. Season two is internal stimulation and season three is all about toys, which can show you how to use toys and also some ideas of what toys might work. It’s like tastefully done modules too.

And it’s just so good. They are so incredible and you can learn a lot about different techniques with your, yeah, with your fingers. Good for partner play too.

Yeah, I just had a client session this morning and we were talking about OMGS and she finally started using it and hadn’t had sex in many years and is like getting really confident now. So, um, yeah, I love that website. Uh, yeah. Thank you for that advice too. I think we just did an episode on masturbation and solo sex and just like the importance of that, you know, I think.

When I was growing up, it was like, oh, well, people just care about sex or that’s superficial or that’s just like getting off or whatever. But there’s really so much. I mean, you guys know this already, but it’s like, there’s so much more to it. You know, um, it’s like, you’re knowing yourself. You’re knowing your body.

You’re going to be able to communicate with your partner and feel close in your relationship. So it is really like a worthwhile exploration. So if you’re listening and you’re someone who has not done a lot of self exploration, get yourself some toys, work with your hands, um, you know, If you have a partner who, you know, is going to give you oral sex, play around with it.

I actually love the idea, I’m curious if you guys have ever recommended this, of like experimental sex. Like, I think when people are just having sex, there’s a lot of pressure, like if they try something new and it doesn’t go well. And so I love the idea of like practice sex or like trying something as an experiment and kind of going into it.

Knowing that. Is that something you guys

Taking the pressure off the table is absolutely great. I absolutely, there are times where I’ll try something that, uh, because having shameless sex, I feel like I’m always learning something new because technically I, I listen and in part of every episode. And so I’ll try a technique or, or something that we learned on the show.

And then I’m like, whoa, that did not work for me or whoa. I cannot believe that I didn’t. Do this sooner and whether it’s like writing a D or like some sort of art, art of a hand job or something that I recommend my partner trying on me because I heard about it. And I think that, um, not being too hard on yourself, if something doesn’t lead to an orgasm and having orgasm not be the end goal, just have it be this.

Journey of whatever, of, of playfulness and playfulness is something that Amy and I have, um, naturally we’re very kind of funny, weird, weird people that are like quirky and I think putting the play in sex can be Really fun and also doesn’t have to be so serious. And so, uh, I don’t know, like I don’t consider myself sultry or sexy.

And when I think I have to be that way, I get really nervous or I kind of shut down.

Mm hmm.

the play and treating it like, um, it’s like you’re, you’re

I love that.

fun on the playground. That is your partner or your bedroom.

Like, there’s not one way to be sexy either. Like, you can be goofy sexy or steamy sexy or, you know, weird and quirky sexy. Like, I love that

or raunchy, sexy, and

Raunchy.

had a mid Midori on our show, and she’s actually heavily quoted in our book talking about role play dominance and submission. But speaking about role play, she was talking about 1. It’s called play for a reason. We call sex play often for a reason because there’s play. Um, And as if you’re taking, you’re doing something that like feels a little silly, goofy or different or new to like, it is kind of like a practice, but let’s, let’s try this and be okay.

If it feels awkward and then just pivot from there. And, uh, so when she, one thing she has is like the pizza delivery, a pizza delivery, human comes through. We’re going to replace, I’m going to be the pizza delivery human. And they come to the door and, uh, and, you know, they come in there instead of pizza in there, there’s a dildo in there and, uh, so you come in and you’re like, okay, we’re going to use this dildo and have strap on sex, but then the strap on sex gets all weird and goes awry.

And like, You know, it’s like, it’s clunky. The dildo falls on the ground and you’re like, Oh my God. And instead of being like, Oh no, we didn’t do it. It’s all full of crumbs from the kitchen floor. You’re like, yeah. Instead of like, we didn’t do a writer. I don’t look sexy. He’s like, laugh about it and, and see what else is available to move on.

Or how can you make that, that part of the play part of the, the scene. Um, and yeah, I think that when you do that, then you can have a lot more fun.

I think so too, and I love that idea of like, normalizing laughing during sex. It’s like, sometimes sex really is pretty absurd and ridiculous.

Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. My sex definitely can. You’re like, really? That’s what’s happening? Oh my goodness. I try to throw in an accent and then I’m like, Nope, this is not landing. I got to change gears here.

I would be so bad at that one, too. Um, so I’m, I’m curious, I mean, obviously you guys have learned so, so much through your sex toy businesses, through the podcast, through being educators. So what made you decide that now is the time to write a book?

were like, we want to be really stressed out. No, just kidding. Kind of found us. It did. Well, we wanted to, both of us wanted to write a book for many years. We were, we actually were like, Oh, when I was a kid, I wanted to write a book when I was older. And both of us feel that way. Uh, we have that story. And in 2000, so the podcast started in 2017, 2018, we came up with the concept.

That is in our book, but we didn’t start writing it until early 2021. Um, because we had someone, a book agent that came to us and said, I love your podcast and you have so much material. Have you ever thought about writing a book? And we said, yes, we actually have a concept. Uh, and, but, but it got, it got put on the back burner for good reasons because we were still growing the podcast and learning more.

Um, and so, so yeah, we, so we had this, this concept that we had not seen out there in other sources. Sex ed books, um, or self help books in general, I think. Um, so do you remember the choose your own adventure books the back in the day at all? From like the eighties and nineties. Yes. Okay. So they’re like fictional and there’s like the abominable snowman.

If you want the abominable snowman to jump off a cliff, you go to page. 50. If you want the bottom of snowman to eat you. Yeah. And so ours is not fiction. There’s no abominable snowmans. Uh, but instead it’s the choose your own adventure, but we call it choose your own pleasure path, uh, kind of a guide or map or compass to figure out who you are as a sexual being or to navigate certain situations around sex and relationships.

And so, um, so instead of us saying, here’s the answer, here’s what you should do is, well, what’s the outcome that you want? If you want this outcome to go to this page, this outcome, go to that page. And then we give you so many options from all kinds of educators, authors, doctors that we’ve had in the show and beyond, um, and on how you can navigate your sexuality.

And so it’s fun, it’s playful, it’s informative and designed for you to access over and over again. Right? So if you have, you Today, my issue is I’m having a hard time orgasming through penetration and you want to work on that in some way, shape or form. Here’s all the tools and um, here’s where you can go with that and then maybe you feel like you cleared that and then six months later, here’s a new thing.

I’m having a hard time communicating with my partner. I think we might break up. I don’t know how to go about that. Uh, so here’s, here’s more tools for you on how to navigate that. So it’s designed to be your, um, your friend along the way of that. Challenges and fun stuff. Cause it has the good juicy stuff about spiciness and connection and playing a sexual master, but it is really, it is something that what I’m so proud of with it as well, it’s, it’s something that you can use again and again and again, but it can go with you through relationships and through.

Your whatever age you are, uh, and even if you’re even if you’re together with your partner for 40 years, I feel like you could flip back, uh, to it in 40 years from now and still find some juicy good nuggets in there. And we’ve to Amy and I’ve talked about it many times that we wish. It was the book that we both wish we would have had not only in our twenties, but our thirties, probably when I was a teenager, a hundred percent, I might’ve been too shy to like read it or know what all the, everything was being talked about at that time.

Uh, but my twenties, I so wish my thirties even, and now I’m 41 and I still, when we read it for the audible, Amy and I read every other chapter. Um, For an audible version and, uh, I was laughing out loud and also really proud reading it cover to cover again with all the edits and finalized version. Felt really, really good.

I was like, I’m really proud of us, Amy. Yeah, I’m like, we did a good job. The bush, the, the bush, the book we, we, uh, wish that we would have at all ages and, and in the future, but we wrote it. But we describe it as the book that, um, you know, it’s a book for everyone that you probably wish you would have, have as at.

All ages regardless of where you are, because the Bushy would’ve whacked, the Bushy would’ve whacked at all ages. is shameless. Sex. The book. The book is here. Bush Whacking not about Bush Whacking.

it. Um, so yeah, so I mean, who is this book good for? Is this book good for single people? Is it good for, you know, what if someone’s like a couple that’s been married for 30 years?

Perfect. A hundred percent. Or if somebody that is from single, um, any relationship style, any,

Mm hmm.

orientation, even, um, anyone, people that want to go, obviously if people want to dive deep into polyamory, then this isn’t like a starting point for that. Then there’s specialized books for different things. It is a starting point.

It’s, it’s not the like, but it’s not

It’s not the advanced version, but

Only the starting point, right? Yeah, but it gives you a lot of references for the deep dive for all aspects of how to learn about

so good, you guys.

and non monogamy.

a copy.

Yeah, absolutely. Um, it will, it will be out officially. November 14th is the launch, but it’s available for pre order now.

And yeah, we’re, we’re really excited about and the preorders. Very important for, for new books. So everyone listening out there, yeah, it’s a super important, important phase. So, um, pre order and a lot of people are like, Oh, I’ll just wait until it’s out. And like, that’s cool. But when you pre order, you’re still going to get the book and we all give you a free online workshop when you pre order it.

Um, but the hardcover only order the hardcover, but also get the audio, but you, we give you the pre, the, the hard covers that really matters because. When you pre order it helps our numbers and then we can get on more lists, which means more people can find shame with sex. Please imagine this. If you’re listening to this, a lot of people don’t have access or aren’t aware of how they can gain access to sex positivity.

And so you’re basically doing a public service announcement by, um, not just supporting us, you know, other sex positive, uh, folks, but you know, so by buying our book ahead of time, thank you, please. Thank you. And people don’t listen to podcasts. Not everyone. I have, I mean, My dad still doesn’t even know what the internet is, right?

He is like, well, how do you have the email? I mean, it’s crazy.

That’s like my dad, too.

it’s so embarrassing sometimes he’s like, how do I order your book? I’m like, you know, just build a fire outside dad. And then hope that the smoke signals will reach a bookstore somewhere and someone will, will deliver it to you. I’m like, I got it, dad.

Don’t worry about

They’ll go up into the cloud, you

Yeah. I, he might not even have a credit card at this point. I swear it’s all cash. It’s all cash.

No, no. My dad doesn’t have his password to the app store, and so we can’t get past any of that. I bought him an Audible membership and he was unable to use it, yeah? I know.

But my dad does need the book, and I did buy him a copy myself, and it’s going to his house. So I’m like, Dad, just read the book. Yeah. Okay?

that’s so cute.

yeah.

I love that. So it sounds like you’re bringing your parents along on your sex positive journey.

Oh yeah. My mom’s been on the show with Amy and I. We had a mom episode. And my mom worked at a church for a long time. Uh, and she was so funny and so embarrassed. She is, she is like now become the 18 year olds or 19 year olds in our relationship with

Okay.

like, Oh my God, I don’t know if I, I can’t tell you about that.

I’m like, mom, not asking for details. I’m asking if, right. Like, are you, are you having a masturbation practice? And she turns bright red and, and just can’t even believe that I’m asking her this. I’m like. Okay. Well, I’m sending you a bunch of sex toys and like, yes. And if you’d like anything specific, then let me know.

And I’ll, and I’ll tell you other things that you can get. So my mom is also the 18 year old, but she’s the 18 year old. Who’s really excited about sex and shares a little too much with me, which I mean, I would, I understand why single ish single 72 and smoking hot 72 and smoking. I want to reiterate this.

Like, I’m having a blast and, and I understand why she would think that like, you know, we own an online sex shop together. And so we talk about sex, but there is a fine line between mother and daughter. Like, I did not want to hear about the sex you had the other day and how your pussy is raw or about like, you know, all the, the dicks that you suck.

She doesn’t say dick. But like, you know, all the cum that you had in your mouth. And if you need to go and get a throat swab, and Amy has a capacity to listen to other people say that when it comes to her mom is

Me too.

She’s like, no, I’m good. Mom, mom. Okay. I don’t even talk. I mean, my mom listens to every single one of our episodes.

So thank you, mom. We love that. But I don’t even be like, mom, I had so much cum in my mouth. I need to go get a throat. So what should I do? I have friends for that.

No. Exactly. Right, you’ve got April.

Exactly. Yeah. Or I have the internet or podcast. Yeah. . Mm-Hmm.

my God. So I went, I went through this too. So my mom got divorced when she was about 60 and she started dating again at 62. And I had recently like become a sex therapist. And initially she was like, Oh, that’s weird. I was like, okay, I don’t really need your approval at this age, but thank you.

Um, and then she found herself dating and having questions and

like, I’m glad my daughter’s a sex therapist. Yeah. Pre therapy. Therapy. Yeah. Yeah. Was there ever too much? Did you get the, too much? You like, oh, mom, that’s a bit

I relate to what you just said, Amy, because I was, sometimes she’s like, she’s like, well, Heather, I don’t want to hear details. I’m like, listen, I’m not the one over sharing here. Just so we’re clear. So yeah, but she, yeah, she was supportive when the podcast launched and she would like listen and take notes with her friends.

It was the cutest. Um, I know. I know. So yeah, I feel like we’ve come a long way, uh, on our sex positive journey together. So, uh, I think it’s cool though. And I think it’s like a good message for people to hear one that like. You can be sexy and hot as fuck like your mom, Amy, you know, my mom is also gorgeous, like, you know, at any age, like, you know, I’m very excited about the Golden Bachelor.

I don’t know if you guys

I just saw the, I saw the kind of whatever the, the, the type, the album cover is on the, uh, when I’m, when a scrolling, when I was scrolling and I was really stoked that there’s now like an Asian, like old, like an older

year old dude.

Oh, he’s very attractive. And then.

super, yeah, super attractive, just like so kind, widowed guy, and he’s dating all these women between like 60 and 75, just like the

I hope he chooses the 75 year old, choose the 75 year

I know.

there’s, so my mom’s talking about this in the dating world about how, like, you know, she’s, and maybe it’s with your mom too, like for 72, my mom is a very youthful person. And so she generally, she feels like she matches more so with men that are younger, but they always, they want younger women.

And so it’s like, you know, a guy that’s 70 to 72 year old woman’s wild. Um, even though like energetically, they’re totally on the same page and, um, and probably physically too, but there’s this, this idea I’m supposed to do. I just love older men. I just was at a party the other day. I met this 65 year old dude that was so hot, so smart.

And I ended up talking to him for a while and my partner’s 55, but my partner was like a little like, Oh, so you really love older guys. I’m like, he’s lived a life. He’s He’s smart. He’s got good style. And he was talking to me openly about sex. And I thought that was really cool. And um, I just, I can’t imagine not, I can’t imagine dating someone my age right now.

I can’t, I just don’t think it would, it would be for me.

I’ve never, so I’m 43 and I have never really dated much older than me. So I feel like I’m probably more often dating people like in their late thirties.

Yeah. How do you?

Maybe I’m missing out though. Now you’ve got me

Oh, you said 43. Okay.

43.

I think so. But you know, here’s the thing. We can be, you know, an age and be older or younger for that age though. And so like there, it’s just depends on life experience. It is so many factors there. I’ve met people that are 35. They’re more mature than 45 year old people that I, and I met 45 year olds that are like, Okay.

You know, seem like, so, you know, all different ages, just like, so, so wise or so young for their age. Um, so yeah, but I do think life experience matters to be able to like meet each other in that, like that didn’t matter when we were like 20. I’m like, we don’t really have any life experience, but as we get older, I think life experience does matter.

And, uh, yeah, it just

I feel like that’s why you can’t go too young, especially when it comes to sex. It’s like, you know, sometimes my friends will make comments, especially if they’re like, recently single, like, I’m just going to go have sex with some younger guy and just like, get something out of my system.

I’m like, I don’t know if it’s going to be fun if he’s like in his twenties. Oh

sexcapade all across the world because I was working all over, like in different countries. And I was at a club in Chile and ended up hooking up with a guy who was 18 and I didn’t know he was 18. He had a mustache, and at least he was 18.

I asked, I was like, I need to see your id first of all, because if you are 17,

That made me so anxious.

I, I was, I thought he was at least 22 because in Chile you don’t have to be 21 though. I didn’t take that into consideration. And that’s where it got me. That’s where the, that, that, that’s why I didn’t ever think that he could possibly be younger than 21, which was still for me.

I was like, if he’s 21, that’s great. And then I was like,

I love that you, like, carded

15 years older than him. I don’t, I don’t know the calculation, but he, you know, we’re still, you know, friends on, on the social media. Yeah. Um, He was awesome. He, he thought I was great. I showed him some things. She showed him some introduced him to sex toys and yeah, I was like, yeah,

He’ll never be the same.

Mm hmm.

That’s awesome. Um, so I want to be respectful of your time, too, especially because it’s a crazy week. But, um, Anything else that people need to know about the book, about the podcast, Shameless Sex, about spicing it up, final words of wisdom, encouragement?

We have, so if you go to our website, shameless sex. com, we have our newsletter list that we only, we don’t use it that often. We send out like one newsletter a month at the most, but we have, we give away 60 plus, um, free tips. When you sign up, it’s just your email, um, 60 free tips on how a creative ways to spice up your sex life.

And so it’s everything from like decorate your kitchen to like a theme, like it’s like Italy for the night. And, uh, and you know, it’s like ways to just. Because we like newness in relationships. It doesn’t mean we have to go full non monogamy, but we like newness and even little subtle ways of shifting things can feel new.

Um, and we like to experience it and, and also, you know, we like to, and to create it. And I think a lot of people just start to say, well, you know, we’ve been together for a while, I’ve known you kind of like the back of my hand, uh, and they forget to be curious and creative and curiosity and creativity are really important for, uh, keeping things going.

Juicy, exciting, spicy, and it really doesn’t take that much, right? You don’t have, it doesn’t have to plan like a whole sex weekend. It can be something you do in 20 minutes, uh, and you know, maybe a couple of days a week or one day a week is, is better than none. So, um, yeah, I would suggest going to check that out and, and just starting to put those into action, uh, and yeah, and yeah, making it fun and playful and, um, yeah, staying open to the possibilities.

I love that. And. I want to suggest prioritizing your pleasure. I said that at the beginning of the show, I think that a lot of times people’s pleasure and, and in their relationships. But, uh, as we talked about self pleasure, um, creating a self pleasure practice is really important, even if you are, um, if you are comfortable or you’re, you’re good with your sex life as it is, um, but still establishing that, that practice.

So you get to learn more about your body as you go. And. Don’t put your pleasure on the backburner. Don’t put your sex and intimacy on the backburner. Um, if you’re in a relationship because Those types of things are really important I think if it’s important for you, but it is it’s an important factor of of I think just dropping in and connecting deeper with your partner and Caring about them and learning and having them care about you and trying, um, to New things, the novelty of it all.

Like Amy said, if it’s sex toys, if it’s, if it’s creating that menu, if it’s decorating your house and then becoming a Parisian chef, uh, then, then do something fun and, and exciting. And, or if it’s not exciting, it could be boring as fuck, but just don’t Netflix and chill every day. Okay.

Right, but try something right?

and we, we said.

boring, but try.

And we said this recently on a podcast as well, I dunno if we were guessing or whatever, but we said to make Netflix and chill the fun, special, unique thing that you’re doing. Instead of the regular thing like, like you know, you Netflix and Chill on your Friday and Saturday you Netflix and chill, but Monday through Thursday is when you’re actually like connecting or doing or, or whatever, whatever days you wanna choose.

But making that like. Just like what kind of zoning out is the special fun thing. And then doing something

Mm hmm.

effort and energy as more of like the regular way of being sounds exhausted. Some people I’m sure if you have kids and things like that, and I know we all need our downtime, but if you have time to scroll, yeah, if you have time to scroll and you have time to, yeah, you have time to drop

right, right. And there’s, there’s so many resources, like you mentioned. So I’m going to link to your 60 ways to spice things up. But basically it’s like, if you’re listening to this show, you probably have the intention to spice up your sex life, but now is the time to turn the intention into action. So we’re going to make it as easy as possible.

Uh, we’ll link to the book. We’ll link to your website. We’ll link to the 60 ways to spice things up and of course your podcast. So thank you guys both so much for

You’re coming on our show. Yeah. You’ll be on our

I am coming on your show soon. Yeah, I’m excited. That’ll be fun too. All right. Bye everybody. Thanks for listening.

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