📍 📍 📍 📍 📍 📍 📍 📍 Hey, everybody. I am excited to bring you a very fun episode with a very fun guest. Um, this guest has her own podcast and I was actually a guest on her podcast before I even started this one. So it feels like kind of a fun full circle moment. So Today’s guest is Laila London. Laila is the girl next door who recently decided to explore her sexuality.

After a three and a half year self imposed dry spell, she woke up one day and said, What the heck am I doing to myself? Why have I just shut off this side of my sexuality? I need physical contact badly. So she decided to stop wasting the pretty and get out there. So having set out for her sexual road trip, she has been scratching things off her sexual bucket list ever since she’s getting laid, exploring kinks, a word she didn’t know anything about before this, having fun and sifting through the emotions that it stirs up in her all while blogging and podcasting about it anonymously.

So welcome Layla. I’m very excited to have you here and learn from your adventures.

Yes. Thank you so much for having me. I am so excited to be here. I know. I really enjoyed having you on my show and I’m just looking forward to, uh, our great chat coming up.

Thank you. So I mean, I think why I’m so interested in what you do is because it’s, it’s pretty different than a lot of the other sex podcasts out there. And I do think there’s something to it that the fact that you do it anonymously really creates this freedom for you to just like go for it and like not hold back and just kind of put it out there.

And I feel like you explore anything from, you know, the personal growth and sort of how you’ve become, you know, more conscious about your journey, but also like some pretty fun titillating details.

Yes. We love the titillating details.

Yeah, it’s such a nice combo. I think of both, you know, um,

Yeah, I think so too.

yeah. So how did you even get into this? I mean, I know your intro says it a little bit, but was it just like you woke up one day and thought I’m going to start podcasting about sex?

No, um, I just woke up. I know it’s not funny. No, I just woke up one day and I was, I realized. First of all, I realized, Oh shit, I have a problem. You know, like I haven’t had sex in three and a half years. Nobody’s touched me. What am I doing? This is ridiculous. And so, you know, like any good business person who says I’ve got a problem, you know, I instantly started working on the solution and.

And it was just, it was to try to come up with a plan and work my plan. And that was what I decided was, okay, look, if I’m going to change this, I want to make it fun. I want it to be something I’m going to stick to. And I was really curious about, so if I, if I make this sex bucket list and I give myself a year to kind of go crazy, knock things off.

And, and then document it. Who, who am I becoming? You know, what does this make me at the end of this? That was kind of my big burning question. Yeah, because I was really stepping out of my comfort zone, you know, from vanilla land, which is really where I was before. I mean, just, I was just straight up vanilla and I mean, I’ve always been adventurous and I’ve always been, uh, you know, not afraid to try things.

I mean, I’ll just, I will jump into the deep end and learn how to swim when I get there. I mean, that’s kind of my

you do have that quality. Yeah, you’re just like, I’m gonna go for it.

I just going to go for it. Yeah. And so, um, I started out doing it, but, but really, I mean, that was the whole point of the podcast. Originally I thought I was going to blog

Mm hmm.

I tried blogging and it was awful.

I do have a blog. So if anybody wants to go back, you know, and look it up, it’s, it’s on my website, thepearspilldiaries. com you can find the, you know, the old, thepearspilldiaries. com. blog posts that I did in 2016. And originally it was just, it was, okay, I’m going to talk about the, the actual, the titillating details, the sex acts, you know, those will be on the blog.

And then I’ll just talk about sex in podcast. But again, really the whole purpose of all of this was just that I was, it was a, it was just a live living diary and I wanted to document, I wanted to be able to see. Where I, how I went from, you know, A to Z and what I, where I, where I landed at the end of it.

And it was only supposed to be a year. And that’s why, that’s why I did it anonymously because I really thought. I’m going to do this. This is going to be fun. I’m going to have this crazy wild adventure. This secret is now the only people know about, and then I’ll be able to, you know, and I’ll have this document and always have that, like to look back on, you know, and, and as I started doing it, somehow people caught on, I don’t know.

I mean, cause I wasn’t publicizing it, anything, but, but this was back. This was seven and a half years ago, so this is back when podcasting was still kind of the wild, wild West and all of these, uh, main platforms, you know, Spotify and Apple, there were less podcasts. And so they were, their algorithm loved you, you know, it was helping you, you know, now, now, now you’re fighting

you’re like machete ing your path.

I mean, no, seriously, like now I feel like I’m macheting my path. Back then it was just like, I would look and I’d be like, Oh my gosh, who’s, look at all these downloads. Who are

That’s amazing.

I had no, I had no idea who was listening, but. Um, everybody knew that I was supposed to be ending it at the, after a year.

And then people kept saying, you can’t end it. Don’t end it. And I thought, well, I guess I could do one more year, you know, and then one more year turned in, you know, turn into one more year turned into here I am. And, you know, now I’m just. I’m in it. I’m full fledged.

it’s so cool. I mean, so it’s interesting to me that like, you’ve now been on this journey for years. How did you wind up not having sex for three and a half years? Like, what do you think got in the way? Because I work with a lot of people who are either, you know, in sexless marriages or just have deprioritized that part of their life.

So like, looking back, what do you think was going on?

Uh, well, I know exactly what was going on. Um, and I probably would, it’s probably what was probably what you hear with a lot of your clients. It’s basically, uh, just, it was me not prioritizing it, not really realizing that it’s, It’s an important aspect of our lives that you actually, it just doesn’t happen in a vacuum.

I mean, you actually have to work at it. You have to put some time and effort and energy into it. And when you do the results are amazing, but it’s just something that, you know, I liken it to. You know how we always set like New Year’s resolutions. We always want to, you know, make more money, have more friends, meet the man of your dreams, uh, lose 10 pounds, whatever it is.

Right. You were, we prioritize all these other things and nobody ever says this year I want to have the, I’m, I’m gonna, I’m going to focus on my sex life and, and intimacy and really. really see what I can get out of it when I, when I, when I focus on it, like I do other aspects of my life and our sexuality is such a vital part of who we are.

And I, and it just dawned on me, like, this doesn’t feel natural that I’m, that I’m completely shutting it off this way. And I shut it off because I was so into my, My work and my career. And, uh, that was really like my lover. That was my porn. That was my addiction that got all my time, effort, and energy. And I really loved it, but I’m just one of those entrepreneurs that is, I’m a fanatic, you know, I’ll, I’ll work as many hours as I allow myself and usually I love what I do, so it’s easy, but it’s, but.

It got to the detriment of other things that were important in my life. And, you know, connection with other people, I started to kind of see that as with guys, you know, if they were trying to ask me on, I’m like, that’s taking time away from my business. And I just don’t want that

Like, I don’t have time for you, buddy.

no.

And, and it sounds, you know, and I, it’s just, it’s, it’s interesting. I think women, you know, I think a lot of women, I don’t think guys do it because I think their sex drive is always pretty on point for the most part, but I think that women, you know, we tend to. And we’ll sacrifice that component because we, we’ve never really explored it fully anyway.

Cause once you do, you realize this is important and vital and I, I won’t give it up. You know, I won’t let myself slide like

Like, can you talk about that part a little bit? Because obviously I agree with you, but I almost think that You know, people who come to me, it’s like, they’re not thinking big enough. It’s almost like people are hoping for like, Oh, like maybe I’m at like a one out of 10 now and I have this like non existent sex life.

Maybe we can get to like a four, you know? And I feel like you just went to like a 12 and like, I love that. And I want people to understand like what’s possible and like, how, how’s your, how’s the thinking different to like have that dramatic of a change?

So I, it really started with my sex bucket list. And like I said, cause I just, I knew if I made it like a business challenge, I knew if I structured it the same way, I looked at other areas in my life where I’m successful and why I’m successful. And it’s really about, you know, having a plan and working a plan.

And, you know, that doesn’t that there’s no magic to that. It’s just that you’ve got to, you’ve got to sit down and kind of map it out. And so I made a sex bucket list and I was like, this will keep me interested. This’ll be fun. If I have goals and things to check off and work towards, then I’m excited. Now I’m engaged, you know, and, and I’m going to want to do this.

And so. Uh, you know, not knowing, not knowing that all I was going to get out of it. That just really was a good place for me to start. Now, once I started doing it, you know, and seeing how fun it was and just all the adventures I was having, the fun relationships, I mean, I’ve met some of the most amazing men that, you know, like biggest loves of my life.

I mean, like just, it’s been, it’s been crazy, you know, some, I’ve got every story you can imagine. You know, it’s

I’ve heard several of them, so I believe you.

It’s been, yeah, I mean, just, yeah, I mean, all the naughty stuff, but also just even the backstories behind like, okay, this guy was up to no good or, you know, and this person’s great.

And it’s been, it’s just been fun. It’s been a whole lot of

So cool.

the. I love that. I still love and I’m glad that I am anonymous with it because that I don’t, that I’m, I think about that a lot going on. You, you made a real good decision when you did that because I, I’m able to, I feel like I’m able to.

Maintain the level of honesty that I need to, to

Mm

show as if it were still for myself in a diary format, I was just talking to another, um, podcast host the other day, who was interviewing me and she said, how do you, you know, she’s listened to a bunch of episodes. She said, it’s very. Real and it’s very raw and it’s very honest.

How do you maintain that? And for, you know, first of all, I was like, Oh, wow. Thank you. I’m glad you, that’s, what’s coming across because for me, it really, really is. So I’m, I’m glad that that’s, you know, being picked up on, but, um, Uh, it’s really because I’ve, because I have stayed anonymous and I just, I, I get to sit and kind of pour my heart out and, and, and talk like I normally would, which is net raunchy, you know, I use a lot of, strong language.

I don’t, you know, I, I don’t call, I don’t call your parts, you know, any of our, our sexual parts, uh, by fake names or any of that stuff. I really talk about all of it. And I get to talk about like how every little second felt and, and how amazing it was and the orgasms and just. You know, all the, all the fun details.

So, uh, but then also, I guess to talk about, you know, if I’m, if I was disappointed or let down or what, you know, the things that it stirred up in me emotionally, which is a big part of, you know, sex

really

and intimacy, of course. Yeah.

when you’re getting out of your comfort zone with it.

yes, yes, yes. And, and just discovering it’s been amazing. The, the, what I’ve learned about myself through focusing on my sexuality, it really just.

Okay. Tell us about

going to learn.

to know all the things you’ve learned.

Yeah. So, okay. I learned why I was picking the wrong guys for my whole life up until that point.

well, can we ask what the

what I was doing. I, I had this huge epiphany. I was like, Oh my gosh, that is my answer right there. So I got into BDSM because it was a bucket list item. And I really thought I’m going to, I just wanted to try it.

You know, I just thought.

Just curiosity.

role playing it, just really, literally role playing. It was so on the surface with it. I didn’t understand, uh, you know, the deeper level of communication, consent, all the conversations you would need to have beforehand, boundaries, safe words, all that stuff, because I was really just ignorance on fire.

You know, I, I had, everything sounded great. You know, I mean, I, I knew I didn’t want. I know. I mean, I knew there were certain things like, yeah, no, I don’t think I want any scat play or anything like that. But, you know, I was pretty, I was pretty open. And, and I also in the beginning, you know, was butting up against, there’s a lot of what I call ding dong doms, you know, who just are, they’re, they’re not real doms.

And so fortunately,

at all in kink says he’s a dom, by the way.

Every, every guy who, what,

at all involved in kink will just say he’s a dom because he feels like that’s what he’s supposed to be. Yeah.

right. And there, and, and, and they’re not, and there’s a difference. There’s a really, there’s a big difference. Yeah. There’s a big difference. Um, and I know what the difference is, but so what, what I learned was that, um, I was picking the wrong guys all through my whole life. And I, cause I could never figure out.

Why I had all of these great, great boyfriends. I mean, amazing guys, very accomplished, successful, the kind of guy that, like, you know, and, and guys that were marriage minded, serious, you know, and they all, they all wanted the same thing from me. And then when it would come down to it, I would just be like, Something’s off.

I don’t know what it is, but I guarantee if you, if we spend the rest of our lives together, I will make you miserable. And I just literally thought it was because something was wrong with me. I thought, I just, I guess I’m not that deep. I guess I can’t connect with people on that level. I don’t understand why I don’t, I don’t look at them and I had that same look on my face when they’re looking at me

Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

I could tell it was inequitous. And so, but I didn’t know why. And I was just like,

weird mystery thing. Yeah.

I mean, I really just kind of thought, I just was like, I don’t know. Like, I mean, I had a loving family, you know, I was like, I don’t

like, theoretically nothing should be wrong with me, but like,

Right. I’m like, well, I had good examples, you know, in my life.

Well, so what I, what I realized was I need a dominant man that I was always in the dominant role. They weren’t, they weren’t leading me. I need to be led. I’m a very. ambitious go getter. Um, and I’m out there doing the business thing. And that kind of fucked me up a little bit, you know, because I, I would come home and I couldn’t put that, I couldn’t take that hat off because I didn’t feel that I, I didn’t feel that I could with that person because I didn’t trust them to lead me.

You just feel that energy, too. Like, you can tell if someone has a dominant leadership energy or not.

Yeah. And, and, and the thing is, is that I don’t, I feel like for me as a woman, I, I, I don’t want that. I thought I did because I thought that felt safe and comfortable and normal. What I realized was that this is fucking exhausting. Like I

agree more. Yeah.

and I started to and I also started to really realize, you know, the difference between men and women, you know, and the difference between estrogen and testosterone.

I mean, they’re, they’re built for the stress of leadership and I’m not saying this isn’t a slight on women at all. This is just really

Well, we

how to balance with

when we want to be in the areas we want to be. It’s not that we can’t. Yeah.

I just know where I want, where I, where I want to do it and where I don’t want to do it. And I don’t want to do it in, in my relationship. And, and because I was so much strong, you know, masculine energy all the time, I lost, it was overshadowing my feminine energy, which I’m now really in touch with and absolutely love.

And recognize the power and the strength in that. And again, that’s the whole duality of the ds dynamic is you really understand. It’s just 1, just the opposite side of the coin. Nobody’s more nobody’s stronger than the other. It’s just that you really recognize and understand who does what role. It’s clearly defined and.

You, you accept that as part of the, the relationship and it works out so well for me. Oh my gosh. I love it. And, and I didn’t have to give up any, I’m not, you know, I’m just, I’m no shrinking violet, that doesn’t mean, you know, that I do anything I’m not comfortable with or that. Mistreat me. You know, it’s all a hundred percent consensual as you, you know, as you’re aware of and, and, uh, I really just started to, it just put the pieces together, put the pieces together.

Like when I had like this guy and that guy. Why those, those relationships were so powerful to me and meaningful to me versus, you know, these other ones which were good and why, why weren’t they like this and what was, you know, what was going on? And, uh, and I really just figured it out. And so now I feel like I can spot, like I can sense that dominant energy, like in the room, you know, I can scan the room and I’m like that guy, you know, like that’s him.

He’s

It’s

guy over there.

It’s true.

Isn’t it?

Yes. I mean, it’s like once you’ve

like a, it’s like a frequency. They, they admit it, they admit it, you know, and you just start, once you pick up on it and I’ll tell you what, boy, once you’ve had a taste of it, oh, there is no going back. You, you, you let that, you let that toothpaste out of the tube and you know,

Now, like, is it hard to find, especially as someone who, I mean, you’re smart, you’re capable, you’re like a badass business person yourself, so is it hard to find a guy who kind of like meets that criteria for you?

Yeah. Yeah. You have to, um, well, yes, it is. It’s hard, but it’s, it’s harder because of things that maybe, you know, Again, like this is all stuff like this is all just help me put together it because you I may have to that means I may have to don’t man has nothing to do with his income. And so, you know, I, I was always very much about. Matching up financially, you know, and he, he has to have this and hopefully more than me, you know, I felt like, oh, I need somebody that’s killing it financially and, you know, all this kind of, I think all of this stuff that, A lot of women from my generation focus on that, that unfortunately is bullshit and not important and it’s not, it’s not going to make you happy.

And I’m, I’m the last person,

I hope people are like listening and taking this in. This is

I know, I know, I’m the last person that ever thought they would say this. Shit literally because I was always like every time I hear something, you know, every time I hear this boss, babe shit I cringe I’m like, oh listen, you’re just fucking yourself up with that. I’m sorry.

Somebody sold you a bill of goods You can you can be you you can have it all just not at the same time

Yeah. I agree with that.

it’s you know what I mean? You can you can go out and be a boss Bitch, if you want, but, and, and, and I did, and that brought me, you know, some happiness and some financial stability, which I’m very grateful for at this point in my life.

But, um, it’s not going to bring you that right guy. That attitude is probably repelling the right guy that you really want. And that’s why you think there’s no good men out there. There’s a lot of them. And I mean, there’s a lot of them. And I mean, like, I just can’t, you can see my face light up when I,

know! Her face is so cute!

I think about like, Being around that guy, I’m always like buzzing, you know, there’s this energetic, like constantly going on when you’re, when you’re around, when you have that kind of a connection with someone and everything is fun.

Grocery shopping is sexy. You know, I mean, making dinner, here’s your bagel. It’s sexy. It’s like, because I love. Because, because I get off on doing stuff for

Oh,

I really like my, you know, like my goal is like, it’s like, I’m always thinking like, how can I make his life better? What can I do for my partner

That’s incredible. Just for any human in any relationship. If you’re thinking about how you can make their day better, like things are gonna go pretty well.

yeah. . Yeah. But it’s, but it’s a two-way street. That’s the thing. And so I feel like, I feel like a lot of women like you, they believe if they start to go that route, that you know that they’re being the, the submissive word or subservient, you know, submissive. That, that gets such a bad rap. I feel like that term because

Yep, because we’re getting into like feminist issues here where it’s like I agree because I mean, I think we’re fairly close in age But it’s like I felt very much like okay I need to like be a badass woman and like women aren’t making enough money and women aren’t doing enough and I got to like Represent, you know, and then I agree with you We sometimes carry that into our relationships and for some women it serves them and that works But for a lot of us I I’m with you where I’m like, it’s fucking exhausting Like I make enough decisions in the day, you know, like I need a break

Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . I know I want to come home and just I want to put take off that armor being my feminine and and and just like Yeah. Let him like make the decisions. Let him lead. I don’t care. You know what I mean?

if you care, you’ll speak up. But right. A lot of times it’s like, we don’t

Yeah, no, I mean, I, I guess, you know, and again, I think that that’s a, I hope, I hope if somebody’s still like, if there’s women out there, they’re still just like, no, I don’t think I can see my way to that, that they, at least, that this at least plants a seed.

Because I think at some point they will hit that wall where they’re like, I’m just fucking exhausted. And I don’t know. Why I can’t meet the right guy. I don’t know why I haven’t, you know, I’ve completely turned off my sexuality. You know, I mean, that’s, it’s not normal. It really isn’t our, it’s not a homeostatic, uh, state

hmm. Yeah. It’s like this. I think of it as like a bulldozer energy or like a forcing energy or, you know, even sometimes. Yes.

shop, you know, which, which I, I, I can do, and I love doing it business wise, but I don’t want to do it in, in my relationships with a man. I, it’s just like. Yuck. No. And, and I also feel like this is a, I feel like a lot of women have ended up with partners like that. And so they’re infantilizing, they end up infantilizing their partner because they’re controlling them so much and nobody wants to fuck their kid.

And that’s the problem.

Yeah, that is not a good dynamic. And I do see that one a lot, especially where, um, Alison Armstrong has written some interesting things about it, but we’re like, women get into this critical role of kind of like, wanting the guy to like, be a certain way and then he often will kind of shut down and then she’s feeling abandoned that, you know, there’s like this whole dynamic, you know, that leads to a shutdown.

But, um, yeah, I agree with you. Not helpful.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So, so I’m still, I mean,

Did we solve? I hope we’re solving some problems for some people. No,

yeah, we, maybe not world peace yet, but like we’re getting close.

think we’re, I know, I think we’re making our

I think we’re getting close. So I know one of the other things you’ve explored, uh, on your show, Curious Girl Diaries is, you know, the idea of monogamy versus non monogamy and kind of like what, what is the right fit for you with that? So where are you on that journey currently? Mm

So, okay, so that’s been very interesting as well. Um, I. I’m fine with, with, you know, ethical non monogamy. I mean, I feel like that’s just as long as everybody is above board, you’re being honest and everybody knows what’s going on and everyone’s a consenting adult.

hmm.

More power to you. It’s interesting because I right now at this point where I’m at with some of my partners. I don’t with one person, you know, he really, as we’re talking about kind of where our relationships going and how to move it forward, he would, he’s not an, he’s not an ethical, not a non monogamy kind of guy. It’s, it just doesn’t, it doesn’t work for him. And I, you know, it’s like, I totally get that. I’m like, yeah, I see.

I, I could have told you that I actually did. And, you know, it was kind of like, I think, I think. You know, maybe we could try it or that, you know, and I was like, I think this is, I gotta tell you, you know, I just don’t think it’s right for you. And I respect that. You know, I don’t, it’s not a, I’m not married to one idea over the other quite frankly.

Um, I don’t have to live and die on that hill. I think it’s going to just depend on what is the right dynamic with me and that right

Mm hmm.

I’m open, you know, I’m, I’m flexible, but, uh, yeah, I just don’t, I don’t. I don’t care to go to the grave,

Right, like it has to be this way. Yeah,

has to be this way.

It does. It really doesn’t. So

I heard someone, I heard someone recently say, I think it was Joe Court who was just on the show recently, so he was saying, um, That non monogamy can sometimes, you know, highlight issues that are already there. But he’s like, it’s not the non monogamy that’s the issue.

It’s the relationship dynamics. And I really like that because I think it points to what you’re saying that, you know, maybe with the right person, it could kind of go either way. And when you have those fundamentals of communication and chemistry and, you know, the right kind of, you know, dominance or masculine feminine balance.

Then maybe it just works out regardless.

yeah. Um, I, I just, yeah, I think, I think you’re right. It does, it, it’s not so much about the, how you classify the relationship you have. It is about how you’re interacting with that person and what’s behind all of it, because you know, you can have a successful. you can have an unsuccessful non monogamous relationship and you can have an unsuccessful monogamous relationship and it usually is around community.

It’s all, you know, around

Mm hmm.

is what I’ve just.

And I think knowing yourself, like listening to you talk, and I hope people are picking up on this. Like. You clearly know yourself and you clearly are like, okay, I got this down. I know what the energy is that I’m looking for. I know how to spot it. And it also, I mean, 1 of the things I’m also hearing is like, you sound like you’re so much more in an abundance mentality now.

Um, and I do think a lot of women get stuck in kind of that scarcity. Myself included sometimes, to be fully honest, where it’s like, is the right guy out there who has the right amount of kink and the right amount of dominance? And, you know, we’ll, we’ll match up with the communication and, you know, whatever other factors.

Um, what do you think has kind of helped with that? With being in abundance,

helped with,

with being in abundance, in terms of like, there’s tons of good guys out there and, you know. Plenty of guys who are,

Cause I’ve dated a lot of them

or I’ve fucked a lot of them. I mean, I just, there are, no, you know what, here’s the other thing because I, because I did this and because I, Really finding, you know, some, some things are King specific, right? So you’d have to find the right person who wants to do that with you. Cause not everybody’s going to want to do it.

Right. Since I kind of, if you go back to the beginning of this, you know, I had, and I still have, you know, key specific things that, you know, I want to cross off my list and

Okay. I was going to

so when you’re looking for, when you’re looking. For people to do this with, you kind of realize, okay, not everybody’s going to want to knock all these 10 things off or the whatever, however many there are.

So this guy’s good for this. I can plug him in there and I can plug this guy in there and this guy, you know, and, and, and, and, and in doing that, I really. You know, and dating, dating these guys, different guys from all different walks of life, uh, you know, over this period and duration. I really have an immense respect for men, an immense, immense respect for men.

I never sat and thought about, uh, What my, what men go through, what, and which is kind of strange when you think about it, because they’re our counterpart, they’re designed for us, or, you know, and even if you’re in same sex relationships, just understanding the polarity, right, about, you know, and really just looking about what. What is this person about at their, at their just rudimentary core, you know? And so I just really started to see like, you can, you can find a lot of great, amazing qualities when you just are open to it. And most people have them, if you’re choosing good guys, you know, you don’t, you know, obviously I have some.

Selection process, you know, I, I try to stay away from bad people,

It’s a good general policy.

No, you know, I don’t want anybody in, I’m not, I’m not pen pals with anybody in jail or anything like that. Um, but. So in doing that, that, you know, when I really just kind of a little, like took my guard down a little bit, like everybody does not have to be the one you can enjoy somebody for that, for that space and time that they occupy and learn how to really be there and be present and appreciate the person in front of you.

And because I. It’s like, I have, I have so few bad things to say about any of the guys, you know, there’s, like I said, there’s a couple of thinkers, but, but really for the most part, good. Opened my eyes to how many really good, solid guys there are out there and they all want to find good women

I love

and, and guys right now, I got to tell you, my consensus is a lot of guys are fucking confused.

Oh, yes. Could not agree more. And I kind of don’t blame them a little bit. We’re in a weird place as a society.

we are in a weird place with our, the way we’re, the way we’re communicating with each other. We’ve really gotten a lot less personal and, you know, with the texting and people don’t even have phone calls anymore. You know, it’s just, it’s strange. It’s strange. And I, I’m not about it, you know? So everybody that I’ve been with, it’s like, you know, I just do things a certain way.

And men are so great in the sense that they, they adapt. I mean, they’ll, they go along with a lot of stuff because they are better at not, they’re better, I think sometimes at realizing this is important. That’s not

Right.

know? And so, so they’re, they’re a little more flexible than we are, where I think where women will get a little.

Well, this wasn’t that I wanted it that way. And you know, I like to do it this

I agree with you on

They don’t care so much. They don’t care so much as, as us. Right. But, but, uh, yeah, I mean, just there’s so, I, and I, and because I was open because I got more and more open, I met some of the most amazing men that I would have, before I started this, absolutely been like, no,

Can we hear about a couple of them maybe? Like who, who’s someone you would have said no to before who like wound up being amazing?

um, cowboy in,

Okay. All right. So tell us about Cowboy End.

so he, he was my dominant and for about 3 and a half years. And, um, I, I just, you know, he was younger than me. Uh, we are not, we have the don’t have the same backgrounds. He, you know, I’m California girl. He’s Alabama Southern. You know, as about as Southern as they come. And I just, I mean, you know, he wears, I mean, he literally is cowboy.

He

Wow.

and he’s, you know, six, six has a Lariat fucking rope in his truck.

So like real cowboy from Alabama. Interesting.

oh my God. I mean, and I just, and to me, that guy’s the sexiest man alive. Don’t even like, I mean, I, I’m, I’m, I’m fascinated about everything about him the way, you know, I, I’ve, I’ve studied him. I can, I can, I’ve memorized his, his, his postures, the way his body is, you know, I know. I know what kind of mood he’s in.

I mean, it’s so, I’m so in tune with him and it feels so interesting to really just to know somebody that well, but also be as so thrilled by them,

Yeah, that’s amazing and impressive after three and a half years to

a subtle, just,

Yeah. Wow,

I mean, if I see those hands, I’m like, I can almost can’t even focus sometimes, you know, I’m like, Stop looking at his hands, you know, like stop,

he’s like, he’s trying to converse with you.

stop looking at his hands, but you know, just, just their energy to like the way they they’ll stand. I always notice like dominant men will come into your space. Do you notice that? Like,

Yeah, I

know, that’s that, that

that felt that way recently and he,

space.

right,

They, they sort of come in and claim the space. Like they will get right next to you.

They’ll stand just close enough to where your nerve, where you’re like, Oh my God, is he going to get closer? Like what’s going on? Like, and they’re not,

I like

they’re just, they’re just really comfortable standing that close. It doesn’t bother them one bit. And I’m over here like sweating, like, Oh my God. And I’m getting turned on and I’m like, Oh

I do also want to clarify for people, it’s like, it’s not, there’s still consent, you know, like sometimes people will be in this space and it’s still like safe and consensual. But, um, yeah, I love that too. I love that too.

But I, but that’s, isn’t that funny? So if you think about it, there should always. Always be consent with sex, and I never, I never thought about that the way I think about it now, because You know, it’s subtle little things that, you know, even in your vanilla life, like I’d say like the dick picking. That’s non consensual.

Drives me nuts.

People don’t think about it that way. I did not consent to you showing me your genitals. There’s no difference than you just walking into my house, pulling your pants down or standing in public, pulling your pants down to a complete stranger and asking them to take a look. It’s non. Yes, it’s illegal. And it’s non consensual.

And, you know, and so, but again, you know, that would, that would have been something I just would have blown off and been like, oh, whatever, you know, and now I’m like, no, that’s not appropriate. And you know, and I don’t have a problem like telling, I tell somebody straight away, like,

Oh yeah,

that does not work for me, you know, boundary.

very similar that way. I’m not, I’m not hesitant to tell someone where they went wrong, uh, with stuff like that anyways. Yeah. I feel like consensus is like the foundation of everything amazing about sex. Um,

is. It is. Yeah.

So if somebody wanted to start a little sexual journey, how would you recommend they get started?

Well, I think they need to make a sex bucket list. I think that’s kind of like, that’s the, that’s the easiest thing to do. Um, I also have a, a sex bucket list tutorial because sometimes people get stuck with this. It’s free. You can go to my

it

if you want your Yeah. Yeah. Um, and it’s not super fancy.

It’ll take you like, it just helps you get your creative juices flowing so you can do it by yourself or with a partner. Um, and then whatever the results produce, you know, you can again, use that by yourself or with a partner.

I’m gonna make one. I think everyone should make one who’s listening.

I do too. I mean, Well, it’s kind of like your roadmap. You know, if you want to, it’s like, where, where are you steering the ship?

Where are we going? You know, so this just helps keep you kind of focused and organized. And, and when you start knocking stuff off, it’s incredible how fun it is and how, how just by being open and putting yourself in these situations,

Mm hmm.

sometimes it’s not always that initial item that you thought like, Oh, that’s really going to be hot.

A lot of times I’d be surprised with, it was a secondary thing that happened during. During that interaction. That I didn’t even know was on my radar. And then you’re like, Whoa, okay. I need to explore that deeper. That was hot. So just the sheer nature of putting yourself out there and being open to stuff, you’re going to find, not only will you find things that you were correct about that seemed hot and that you yes, now love, and this is your favorite thing, but you’re going to find other things that weren’t on your radar.

And when you do them, you’re like, Whoa.

what, what were some of the ones that you were like, Oh, this wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. And then what were some were like, Oh yes, more everything I wanted and more,

Yeah. Well, so, um, I think when I, when I went to my first sex party, I, I really had this, you know, the, this Hollywood idea, you know, like, I’m going to go, it’s going to be beautiful people. It’s going to be eyes wide

Eyes wide shut. Always. Yes.

A mansion on the hill, you know, um, and, and the, the first, you know, everybody’s like, looks like a supermodel.

I, the first party I went to, um, I get there and we’re, I’m, we’re driving and I’m like, are we in the right place? It was in the suburbs. It was a takeover of somebody’s home and they literally had covered like their. Every bedroom, like their kids rooms, the bunk beds with plastic. And I was like, uh, I went to my apartment, the guy that I was with, he was so sweet.

Now, you know, we were both like, um, okay. Are we like, what’s happening? We, we walk in, there’s a, there’s a, uh, you know, a buffet, you know, with like, or what do you call that? When you potluck, it was a

yeah, yeah, yeah.

And they had like, Boiling chili crock pot and little cocktail wieners and like things like I just don’t think about eating right before

Oh, God.

And anyway, so, but we walk in and there’s everything is going on. There’s like porn. There’s people just sitting, watching, there’s some people dancing, there’s some people eating and talking. And then you go around the house and there’s different rooms. There was an orgy room. There’s like a room where couples are just having sex where you can, where you can watch.

Um, so there was several things going on. Um, and so my partner and I, you know, we, we walked around and I thought, well, maybe we’ll find a third or something, you know, cause I always wanted to do that. That was on my list at

Uh huh.

And we didn’t see anybody that, you know, what that really. Jumped out to us, but we met a lot of really nice people.

So we ended up going into a room and, you know, I wasn’t comfortable just having sex with him, but I was just, but I was like, I’m gonna, I’m I’ll give him a blow job. So we’re sitting there and I’m giving him a blow job and I can hear all these people. Behind me and they’re like talking and I can hear what they’re saying and people are surrounding us and all of a sudden just Having them watch me and hearing like feeling all that energy and having the hearing what they were saying and how turned on they were By what I was doing.

I totally got into it and and people would ask me before like Oh, are you into people watching you and I was like, no, I don’t think so That doesn’t really what would that do for me? That doesn’t do anything for me. Oh, it does You As it turns out, it really does it. Yeah, yeah, it does. So, um, and I didn’t even, I always thought.

I always thought that’s weird.

Right. It’s true. It’s like, to me, it really is about the energy of the situation and it will kind of maybe catch you off guard of like, what is it that makes something really hot and erotic for you? And it might surprise you.

Yeah. And sometimes it’s just like you stumble on it in the moment. And I did, and I went with it and my partner loved it. And we were afterwards, we were both like, whoa, that was really hot. Wasn’t it? Yeah. Oh my, you know, and we talked about, it was just, it was the being watched. It was that, you know, I knew that all these other people around were just like wishing that they were me or him, you know, and, It was, I, you know, for, for other people to sort of like edify your sexiness with your partner and the, and the, and the sexy exchange going on between the two of you and to be able to witness it, there’s something to that and it was, it was hot.

can see that. I love, I love that. So I, I mean, people start your bucket list. Let me and Layla know how it’s going. Um, I think my other last question is, uh, what, what do you think has made you stick with it this long? Cause it did. I know we’ve chatted before and you’ve kind of been like, oh, and then I thought maybe I’d stop it after a few years.

And now I think, are you on year seven?

Yeah, I’m going to be, and I’ll be starting year eight, December 19th, I think is my,

So what do you think keeps it going now?

just the, I still have more to say, you know, I feel like I’m going to be like Forrest Gump. I’m just going to keep going. And then one day it’s going to be like, I’m done now. My work is done.

I love that. I hope you’re like 85 and still doing it. I

that I can help other people with. And, you know, a by product of doing it is. Getting all these wonderful, you know, just, just when you, just when I start thinking sometimes, should I really be doing this? Does this matter? You know, does, does anybody really care?

And, and then I’ll get, I’ll get a flood of voicemails or emails saying, your show changed my sex life. I was married for, you know, 20 years and we weren’t having sex. Now I’m having the best sex in my life with my partner and my, my wife. And we’re so, you know, we’ve rekindled. Just like all these. positive, you know, the feedback that I get from my listeners, um, at this point, it’s just as much for them as it is for me now, you know, before it was really just me, me, me.

And, and that was, that was fine, you know, but it’s evolved and it’s in something bigger now. And so, like I said, as soon as I, as soon as I feel like this just isn’t impactful anymore, it’s not needed. And I just don’t have anything of value to say, then I’ll. Then I’ll stop.

That makes sense. And I think your show is a really good show for people who have maybe given up a little bit on their sex life or just like phoning it in right now to kind of be like, damn, like Layla’s out there. She’s doing it. She’s going for it. Like maybe I can too. So I hope, I hope people can

And it’s really easy just to turn it back on. Like literally, it’s a spigot. You closed it. You just got to, you just got to turn it

the faucet on

it open and yeah,

It’s time to go. So if people can’t, so unfortunately I do have another appointment. I feel like I could talk to you and ask you a lot of questions, but,

no, yeah, that’s

but, um, where can people find you? What’s the best way for people to connect and find your show?

I keep it super easy. Uh, just go to my website because you can find everything there. It’s thecuriousgirldiaries. com and if you scroll down to the bottom, there’s a link to all my socials there if you want to follow me on social media. Uh, you can also, there’s a pink tab on the right hand side of every page, where if you want to leave me a voicemail, I get back to everybody personally.

It’s quite a, it’s quite a daunting path, but I do, I sit, I listen, I take notes and we can talk about anything and everything that you want. And you know, you got five minutes, let it rip and I will get back to everybody. Uh, personally, so I, I love the voicemails. I love the voicemails because it’s a chance for me to connect with my audience and understand who’s out there listening and, you know, we get to know each other and that, that’s, I think the other thing that’s kept me doing this is like that right there is so valuable is the feedback and the connection with people, uh, cause you know, we’re not

No, otherwise it is like a weird medium too. I, I, I have, uh, I think I set up an account with speak pipe, uh, so I can get the voicemail. So stay tuned. Hopefully by the time this episode airs, I’ll have that set up too. But

Yeah. You’ll love

nice to hear from people and not just feel like you’re talking to yourself.

So, um, Anyways, but thank you so much for being here. Thank you in general for the work you’re doing sharing your journey and Talking about sex openly because we need so much more of that. So I appreciate it.

Thank you.

Bye Lila. Bye everybody

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