📍 📍 📍 📍 📍 📍 Hello, my friends. I am very excited to talk to you guys today about squirting. Um, this is such a fun topic and I know it’s one that you all are very interested in too and that has not gotten its own dedicated episode. So we’re going to get into it. Um, I do have a few announcements, so let’s quickly go through those.

Um, first, uh, if you want to get more personalized content for me, I have a Short little survey, literally less than one minute. It took me 51 seconds to do it exactly, timed myself because I value your time. Um, but it’s going to help me figure out like who wants to get local event information, who wants to get stuff for when I have a counseling intern in Illinois, who’s monogamous, who’s non monogamous so that I can get you really targeted stuff.

So, uh, fill that out. It’ll help me so much. It’s small business owner. Much appreciated. Um, the other news is that the libido course is now available in the app and added incentive. I’m giving you 10 off the usual price, so it’ll be 39 in the app instead of 49 on my website. Um, and that’s just a thank you for signing up for the app.

Um, And then the most exciting announcement is that we have a new coach on the team. So Grace who has been helping with the podcast for the last month or two is finishing up their sex education certificate and coming on board as my apprentice intimacy coach. So if you want to request a free consultation with grace and see if you want to work together, um, there’s going to be a link in the show notes for that.

And part of me bringing grace onto is to be able to offer more affordable services and make sex education and intimacy coaching more accessible to more people. So we’re charging 75 a session. We’re open to doing a sliding scale if needed. Um, so reach out, have a conversation. It’s totally no pressure and we’d love to support you.

Okay, so now let’s get into squirting. Um, we’re going to start off by talking about like, what is squirting, right? And there’s actually a decent amount of confusion about this if you look on the internet. So is it an orgasm? Is it peeing? Is it, you know, like projectile liquid across the room? Um, like the answer is maybe for a lot of these.

And so let me kind of explain some of the important differences. So squirting in itself is not actually an orgasm. Okay. So it can happen at the same time as an orgasm, but they’re two separate things. Um, is it peeing yourself? No, it’s different and there’s some biochemical differences which I’ll get into, but it does have some overlap with peeing and comes from your bladder.

So there’s some similar compounds and some important differences. And then there’s also female ejaculation and this gets confused with squirting a ton. Um, female ejaculate is different, right? So The, the liquid from squirting is clear, diluted, large volume. The liquid that comes from female ejaculate, it’s white, it’s milky, and it’s smaller volume.

Okay? So hopefully that’s a good starting point. So what actually happens in your body when squirting, when squirting happens during sexual activity, right? So part of what happens is that when we’re getting sexually aroused. Like sexual arousal goes with the rest and digest aspect of the nervous system.

Okay. And so we’ve got fight or flight mode and we’ve got rest or digest mode. Typically sexual arousal is going to go with that rest and digest mode. I definitely have plenty of clients and people I’ve worked with over the years where they want sex more when they’re stressed. Right. And I think that’s just a different process for them.

But part of why they want it is maybe to get into more of that relax. space and they’re kind of using it as a, as a stress management tool. Okay, so when your nervous system and body is more relaxed, your bladder might fill more during arousal because some of those muscles like the wall, you know, some of like the walls coming down and like letting more liquid, uh, in.

And then squirting is then the emptying of all that liquid that kind of fills during arousal. And so while squirting can contain traces of urine, it also includes other substances that are not found in urine. So there’s going to be kind of a combination of the bladder being involved and then the skein’s glands.

which in somebody with a vulva are on either side of the urethra. So the urethra is like where urine typically comes out. The Skene’s glands are on either side. Um, and the Skene glands are going to be contributing something called PSA and glucose. Okay. And so, With the larger volume, the liquid is going to be more diluted than urine.

It’s going to be clear instead of yellow. There’s going to be little to no smell. And so those are some kind of key differences on like how and why it’s different than urine. Um, and the Skene’s glands, by the way, are homologous to the prostate. So for somebody with a penis, you’re going to have a prostate typically.

And for somebody with a vulva, you’re going to have Skeen’s glands. And so the Skeen’s glands and the prostate are kind of both involved in kind of expelling, expelling, uh, cum, basically, um, And so the, the Skein’s glands are what’s involved in the female ejaculate without the bladder. And so that’s a key difference, too.

So with squirting, you’ve got bladder and Skein’s glands. With female ejaculate, you’ve got just Skein’s glands. So hopefully, hopefully that makes sense. And then with the female ejaculate that’s white and milky, you’re going to have higher levels, um, of PSA because that is coming from the Skein’s glands.

I think that a big part of why people want to squirt. is we see it in porn and it’s this visible representation of somebody who has a vulva and vagina, um, that they’re excited that they’re aroused because typically somebody with a penis, there’s this ejaculate and you can see it and it’s tangible and it’s almost like proof, right?

And so it’s squirting can kind of be a version for people with a vulva that You know, shows how excited they are. That shows physically in a very tangible way. Um, and, and that’s exciting. I mean, one of the most important things for great sex is enthusiasm and feeling wanted and feeling like our partner is into it.

Right. I hear so often, it’s like, well, I mean, yeah, we’re having sex, but you know, they just don’t seem that into it. That, you know, it seems kind of like she’s checking a box or, you know, he’s checking a box and it’s like, okay, you know, that’s, that’s not what most of us want. Or somebody might say, you know, I, I’m into some cake stuff and my partner will do it.

It’s just not their thing. And that kind of comes across. And so, you know, when they are engaging with me is I’m not as into it because they’re not as into it. And so I think that squirting kind of taps into that somehow. So that’s my theory. Okay. So now let’s talk about how to squirt. Um, fun fact, I met one of my ex boyfriends, uh, and our first date was going to a squirt workshop.

Um, this sounds like a very sex therapist thing to say. I assure you my life is pretty boring, like 99 percent of the time, but I do have some fun stories. So that is one of them. Um, it was a pleasure chest in Chicago. We just like met up at a bar or something for a drink beforehand. And. And, uh, I was like, so I’m going to this thing afterwards, you’re welcome to come.

And so we did. And some of the things that I learned at that squirt workshop, which was awesome. is, uh, the importance of G spot stimulation. And I wanted to talk about that a little bit. So the G spot is located inside the vaginal canal. Some people think it’s like mythical and doesn’t exist. Um, the G spot is also being compared to the prostate.

I feel like let’s just not even worry about what it is. But but learn how to find it. Learn if it feels good for you. If you’re somebody who has a vagina, um, and communicate with your partner. And so one of the kind of, you know, famous techniques is sort of like put a couple fingers in and do sort of a like a come hither motion.

And that’s going to stimulate the G spot. But play around, you know, I think it’s important to experiment. I think it’s important not to assume what worked with a past partner will work with a current partner. And I also want to say when it comes to squirting, this is a great like solo sex activity. So, you know, if you want to try this with yourself and just kind of get comfortable and figure out what works.

Go for it. You know, so, so yeah, so the come hither motion can work. I think that’s one that’s kind of hard to do for yourself. Um, so you, we’ll talk about other methods that might work better for solo sex, but if you are with a partner, try that. Um, they also have G spot vibrator. So that is one that you can use either with yourself or on a partner.

Um, I did set up my Amazon store with a few, uh, uh, sex toys and squirting blankets. So if you’re kind of looking for some materials and you want to support the podcast, um, check out my Amazon store. So I know I put the, the Lilo G spot vibrator in there, which is one that I personally have, which I think is a fun toy.

Um, the enjoy wand is another one. They don’t have it on Amazon, but definitely check that out. It’s spelled just the letter N uh, N J O Y. Okay. And they only have a handful of products, but they’re all like really wonderful, high quality products. They have great butt plugs. Um, check them out. And, and then the blanket is important.

So, you know, you might be like, ah, I’ve never squirted before. I’m not worried about it or whatever. And you can put a towel down, but sometimes a large amount of liquid is expelled during this process. And so, like I mentioned, it’s like, The liquid in the bladder gets diluted because there’s a much larger volume than when you just go to the bathroom, right?

So be prepared get a sex blanket. Um, I also put a handful of those in the amazon store Um with a variety of price points So, so yeah, be prepared, um, whether it’s by yourself or with a partner. So, G spot stimulation though, so that’s going to be important. So we’re going to try either, you know, your fingers, your partner’s fingers, a toy, um, and then we’re going to also kind of shift, how your body is responding, right?

So a lot of times when we’re getting really turned on, there’s sort of this tensing of the body, right? Um, and then the orgasm is often like a release of the tension. And I do feel like it’s a little bit different with squirting. Um, I think being more relaxed the whole time can help. Um, when you notice sort of tensing or almost like clenching, you’re pulling your pelvic floor muscles up and in.

Um, and if you’re not familiar, you’re like, what are pelvic floor muscles? Um, so for those of us with a It’s you can think of it as around the vaginal opening and you can also think of it around your anus. So regardless of your gender and biological sex. So. Notice those muscles, like notice how you can squeeze them.

Everyone has probably heard of like Kegel exercises. Um, I don’t suggest everyone go out and start doing a bunch of Kegel exercises. Um, most people don’t need to do them. Some people who have a weak pelvic floor do, but a lot of us tend to be more on the like two tenths side when it comes to our pelvic floor.

So get an assessment by a professional if that’s something you’re concerned about. But just kind of tune in to how is my pelvic floor part of this, right? And it often will correspond to like all of your muscles. So I’m someone who just tends to carry physical tension in my muscles. Um, and so that applies to my pelvic floor too.

And so I have to be more aware of relaxing the pelvic floor muscles. And so when you inhale, you can think about like pushing your belly button out, or almost like pushing your anus out or pushing your, Vagina out. So we’re going to do it with me if you’re, if you’re in a safe place to do it. So we’re going to inhale

and then you’re going to exhale and you’re going to notice the pelvic floor goes down, kind of expands outward when you’re inhaling. So that’s a way to help relax it. And then when you release, you don’t want to clench it. You just kind of allow the pelvic floor to kind of come back into place. And then you inhale and expand.

And so that’s something to be aware of. During sex in general is like, okay, can I relax a little bit more? Can I inhale and kind of allow the expansion and not clench? And I think that focusing on our breathing really helps with moving that sexual energy through us and that becomes a big part of Tantric practice as well as working with breath and moving that sexual energy.

And so that’s something that you can try Squirting. It’s only gonna help. Okay, the third thing, and this was kind of the key thing for me personally, um, is, the knees to chest position. So when I went to the squirt shop, one of the things they talked about was that, you know, with a typical orgasm, there is sort of that clenching the pelvic floor and like pulling inwards and kind of tension.

And that with squirting, it’s more of like, um, like a pushing outward. Um, and I don’t want to say, I’m going to say bearing down sort of like a bearing down, pushing outwards. knees to chest position. Those things will all help. You also don’t want to be like bearing down on your pelvic floor like long term, right?

That’s not like a healthy position for a pelvic floor. So I don’t want anyone to be like, well, Heather said, and then you’re spending like hours like bearing down. Um, no, please don’t do that. But, um, but be aware of that. It’s like, is there a little bit more of a pushing out or is there a little bit more of a pulling in?

So, and it does not always have to be knees to chest position, but I’m kind of describing this especially for people who have not squirted before, um, for things to try. So it’s like, if you haven’t tried this, this might help. And that knees to chest position can be, you know, maybe you’re already laying on your back.

Maybe you’re almost in like, uh, I’m thinking of the yoga pose, child’s pose. Um, or you can be squatting and like actually kind of like, you know, on your feet, um, in an upright position, but squatting all the way down. So all of those, anything that brings the knees into the chest can be helpful for squirting.

Um, also sometimes there’s a feeling of like, oh, why can’t I squirt? What’s wrong with me? Or why can’t I get my partner to squirt? What’s wrong with me? Nothing. You know, there’s, there’s not great research on how much of the population. Can or has squirted. Um, it looks like it’s, you know, maybe in the one third range of people who have a vulva.

And I saw one set of data that was like 10 to 54%. I’m like, that is a very wide range. And I think part of the confusion is a lot of people don’t know, like, what counts as squirting, right? And that’s, so that’s part of why we’re doing this episode too. Um, and then the other one, the other range said like 30 to 50%.

So I kind of feel like probably about one third if we had to guess. Um, so most people haven’t, so it’s not like, It’s not like weird or a big deal, right? Um, we also just haven’t been taught that much about our bodies when it comes to sex or like what to do or what to try. And then I also want to say, like, having squirted now, is my life that much different?

Is my sex life that much different? No, part of me just feels like the point is to have fun. Like who cares how you’re doing it? Right. Um, like let’s not get to attach to that. So the more we can kind of just be present, enjoy your body, um, connect with your partner, kind of like bring some mindfulness to our sex life.

The better. Okay. So that they actually had a squirt. Um, the other thing I think is really important, especially if it hasn’t happened before is extended turn on. And this is something that I’m just a fan of in general. And I don’t feel like it gets talked enough. So it’s like part of my mission to talk about like mental foreplay.

Um, so much of what we talk about when it comes to sex is physical foreplay. But I think so much of where the actual turn on and arousal live is in our minds. And so figuring out like what really does it for you mentally, what gets you in the mood, what is really erotic to you. And we can start to really know ourselves well as a sexual person.

And so if you’re like an exhibitionist, it might be that you’re not, no one’s touching you. You might not even be touching yourself, but if you’re sending pictures or if you’re posting videos or if you’re at a nudist resort or something and you’re like able to express that, there might be a lot of buildup of like sexual tension and turn on.

And so that would be one example. Or if you’re, you know, You know, flirting with your partner, or if you feel so emotionally connected, or if you see your partner do something that they’re like, so good at, it’s just so sexy to you. Um, it could be watching a TV show and seeing like a sexy scene or a dynamic between two characters that really does it for you.

So these are all examples. Um, and part of it, like sometimes there can be physical touch. Like, let’s say you take a dance lesson with your partner and you’re just like, Ooh, we’re doing this like Argentine tango and it’s like real sexy. And, you know, I’m, I’m really liking kind of that. There’s some touch, but there, you have to wait, you know, you have to wait until you get home before you can do anything with it.

sexual. And so it’s that build up of this mental energy and the anticipation and just really like embodying and feeling this erotic energy that’s going to allow you to kind of like get to the point of turn on where I think squirting can be more possible. And that’s, that was my personal experience. So I didn’t squirt until I was like 40.

It to be, yes, I went to the one squirt shop, but it wasn’t something where I was like, I must squirt, you know, it was honestly, it was an accident. It didn’t, it didn’t happen. At a time where I was like, Oh, let’s see if I can make myself squirt. No. Um, it was a time where the turn on this, this is what I think is the number one factor, at least for me, the turn on had built up for hours.

And then there was a physical release. And, and it was unexpected, and I was in more of the squatting position. And so there’s that combination of the buildup of the turn on the squatting position and then some, um, something penetrative that stimulates the G spot is sort of the magic formula. So I hope that that is helpful.

I hope that that makes sense. If it’s something you do want to try, um, I’m kind of a fan just because I think the relaxation helps and I think anytime we attach to an outcome, it’s like a recipe for anxiety and anxiety is a recipe for not having that much fun with sex. Um, like don’t try too hard. That, that would be my advice.

Don’t try too hard. Um, but do experiment and do just notice and tune in to what do you like and what really gets you. That mental arousal going. Okay. Um, the other thing is like, some people have asked me, you know, like, Oh, I had this experience. Is that squirting? Because in porn, we see this sort of like projectile liquid, like a fountain, like going across the room.

And that might be how you squirt. I don’t know, right? Everyone’s different. But a lot of times it can be more of this like gushing experience where you’re just like, Oh, I kind of like left a big puddle on the bed or, um, A lot of liquid came out and it was not projectile, but it was a lot of clear thin diluted liquid.

Then you squirted. Okay. So if you’ve had an experience like that and maybe just didn’t know it, you might’ve already squirted. Um, but yes, because of the amount of liquid, regardless of how it exits your body, put a towel down and put a blanket down. Um, again, we have some of the squirting blankets in my Amazon storefront if you’re looking for something.

Okay. Now the other, the other thing I want to mention, so I did also wind up squirting with a partner and I think in general it’s nice to kind of try these things yourself. And I think this is why sex therapists in general are such a big fan of masturbating because it allows you to feel like less self conscious, less worried about how long you’re taking, less worried about what a partner is going to think, um, Um, only prioritizing your own turn on, not worrying about someone else’s like, there’s just a lot more happening mentally when there’s a partner involved.

Um, so I would start with that. And then when you are with a partner, um, what I noticed in my experience is just that I was very relaxed, right? And so we go back to that nervous system part. Um, you know, he was just playing with me with his fingers. I’m super chill. We’re actually just chit chatting like while he’s touching me.

Um, I wouldn’t say like chit chat, like how’s the weather, but you know, we’re, there’s talking and then, and then the arousal kind of builds up. But I think what worked is there was no attachment to outcome at that moment. There was no sort of, um, I must make this happen. Right. Honestly, it wasn’t on my radar.

I was just kind of like, okay, this feels nice. Oh, this is feeling really nice. Right. And so just notice that like be in your body. Um, and so I think the combination of relaxation Plus, a combination of internal and external stimulation in a very sort of unhurried way. Um, and he was also not bringing a lot of ego to it and kind of saying anything that would increase a sense of pressure, like, Oh, are you going to come soon?

Or like, I just want to get you off, you know, personally, that doesn’t work for me. I’m someone who’s sensitive to pressure. That’s part of me knowing myself as a sexual person. Um, is it honestly, just as a human in all areas of life, I don’t like pressure. Um, and this is also why I talk about consent a lot.

Um, and why pressuring and pestering is, you know, uh, consent violation. So know yourself, take the time to know yourself, figure out what works for you, communicate it with a partner, allow yourself to be kind of unhurried. And I want to be honest, like, I know how hard it is to be kind of unpressured and unhurried in life when you have a lot of demands on your table.

Maybe you have kids you’re taking care of. Maybe you have a super demanding job. Maybe you have chronic health conditions or disabilities that you’re trying to manage and, and you always feel behind. Right. And so. I think that it’s important to kind of make a decision of like, yes, and I’m going to go ahead and allow myself this time and I’m not going to worry about what else I should be doing and I’m not going to feel guilty about it.

And so that could be a tip to bring into your sex life regardless of squirting, but I think it does help with squirting. Okay, so Let’s make sure we’ve covered the strategies on if this is something you’re going to try. So one, don’t try too hard. It backfires. Um, two, some people are natural squirters.

I’ve also talked to friends where that’s just what happens most of the time when they’re having sex. And sometimes people are self conscious about that too. And so if that’s you, I want to acknowledge that, um, Just because squirting has become kind of become almost like sensationalized or like this exciting novelty, um, it can also still be something that people feel self conscious about.

And it might just be like, ah, I sort of like lose control, which is part of what happens during sex. Um, or I’m making a mess or it’s just, you know, it can get annoying for my partner. So be nice to yourself. Your body is doing what it’s doing. Um, And you can also try reversing some of the things that we talked about.

So maybe you don’t bring your knees into your chest. Maybe you try positions where your legs are more extended. Maybe you don’t drink as much water beforehand. Um, maybe you don’t stimulate the G spot, you know, and so you can, you can play with that. Okay. So, The other thing I wanted to say is like, think about what meaning you’re giving to squirting.

So this is a little bit of that like ego piece I alluded to earlier. So is it like I want to squirt because And then like fill in that blank for yourself. Does it mean you’re, Oh, I’m more sexual or I’m a better lover or I’m more of a, you know, virile man. If I can make my lover squirt or I’m more of a skilled lesbian, if I can make my partner squirt, you know, like, No, right.

There’s just too many factors like draw those conclusions. Um, it could be that your partner just has like a lot of tension. It could be that they’re going through a stressful period. It could be that their hormones are out of whack, you know, like don’t make it about yourself if you’re the partner trying to give this experience to someone and If you’re the person who wants to squirt, and maybe you’re both, right, you know, but if you’re the person who wants to squirt, don’t make it mean that you’re, like, better or worse if you have, because, because you’re not.

Like I said, my experience, like, was it fun? Yes. Do I feel different as a sexual being? No, really not. It’s one more thing to play with. You know, I hopefully if you’ve been listening to these, you’re kind of like being open minded and playing with different things in your sex life anyways, because we know that variety is so important.

Um, and you might squirt and you might be like, I hated it. I never wanted to do it again. And that’s great too. You know, the whole point is get to know yourself and get to know your partner or partners when it comes to sex. And so overall, the message is like, bring openness, bring curiosity, bring presence and mindfulness.

Um, you know, so I thought that the phrase fuck around and find out was particularly appropriate in this case. Um, so thank you guys all so much for listening. It was a really fun topic. Um, check out our show notes with all the links and resources I mentioned. Um, and we’ll catch you guys next Monday. Bye everybody.

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