You are the Menage Spice, as in ménage à trois! This means that getting multiple people into the mix could be your thing. You may adore your partner and be turned on by them, but it’s still the same person and perhaps a similar type of energy from encounter to encounter–you may want to explore different aspects of yourself. They say variety is the spice of life and you may be seeking that type of spice in your sex life. 

There are infinite ways to approach non-monogamy. You could try a threesome with your partner or have one as a single person joining two other people. You could have a partner and both of you also have some friends with benefits that you see from time to time. Or you could full-on date, have sex with and fall in love with others as is the case with polyamory. I find that words fall short when it comes to non-monogamy, so keep in mind that you don’t have to fit neatly into any bucket. I just want you to know you have options. The Ethical Slut book does a great job of presenting the full array of non-monogamy as well as things to consider along the way. 

Now if you’re new to this scene, how do you find people who also appreciate some Menage Spice? Try dating apps, especially Feeld, which caters to non-monogamous and kinky folks. Join Facebook groups for open relationships and polyamory. Or try a Meetup group in your area. Non-monogamy is becoming more and more accepted and many people are waking up to the idea that there are many ways to approach love and sex and it’s not one-size-fits-all. Be upfront about your boundaries and what you’re looking for. Have convos about safer sex. And ultimately have a great time exploring. 

Want More Juicy Tips?

There are some ingredients that tend to make sex fulfilling for most of us that don’t include toys or tangibles! If you crave closeness with your partner remember the simple things…

Presence – We all love feeling that someone is truly WITH us. Not distracted. Not thinking about someone else. Not just trying to hurry up and get to the orgasm at the end. And not trying to hurry up and get to our orgasm even. Just present with a sense of curiosity and no agenda. You could also think of this as mindfulness when it comes to sex.

And the thing is, we can’t control anyone but ourselves, so practice bringing this presence to your next sex session with a partner. One relatively easy way we can do this is by tuning into our breath and our 5 senses. When your mind wanders to what’s for dinner or your infinite “to-do” list, bring it back to the feel, the sounds, the temperature, the texture, and the sensations you’re experiencing.

Try taking a deep breath and letting go. And you may want to clue your partner in ahead of time that you’re going to be trying something a little different–they may want to join you! 

Communication – While words can be limiting, talking about sex is generally helpful for knowing what your partner is into and expressing what you’re into as well. Because we haven’t been taught to talk about sex and prioritize pleasure, most of us aren’t used to this. If this is something you could use some work on, I’d encourage you to have a meta-conversation with your partner.

Ask them if they’d like to receive feedback and how. And tell them the same in return. I wouldn’t recommend having a full-scale post-mortem right after sex, but little bits of feedback during an encounter or a discussion when you’re calm and fully clothed can go a long way towards getting you on the same page, helping you feel truly understood by your partner and getting to know what lights them up sexually as well.

Want More Help?

Want some help applying all this spicy info to your own personal life? Whether you’re dating or partnered up or ethically non-monogamous, I can help! Book your $1 consultation with me!

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