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035

[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]What is it that we can control versus our circumstances, which actually only account for about 10% of our happiness? Isn’t that fascinating? Something covers zero, like certain circumstances or situations might make it easier to have better feeling thoughts are easier to have a good perspective. But still, they actually only account for 10% of our happiness, which you think is fascinating.

 

This is the ask a sex therapist podcast, helping you change the way you look at sex. I’m Heather Shannon. And in a world full of sexual censorship, I’ll give you the raw truth about pleasure, intimacy in your relationships, and enjoying your body. Because it’s time for you to ask a sex therapist.

 

I am happy to share that this week’s episode is sponsored by educating they’re like the Netflix of sex education. And if you keep listening, I’m gonna give you a really good discount code. So today, we’re gonna be talking about, you know, sexuality and consciousness, which I’m really excited about. And, you know, I almost named this podcast, you know, sex and consciousness, or something along those lines. Because I think that exploring consciousness is something I’m passionate about this idea of sort of awakening from not being fully aware. And from going from here, you know, everything that’s handed to us, we just kind of accepted or we’re not questioning things to really realizing like our power as individuals and knowing that we can make conscious choices, and create what we want to create for ourselves and in the world, and in our sex lives. So that’s what we’re gonna get into today. Before we get into it, though, a couple things I wanted to mention. So for the last handful of episodes, I have been putting two or three related episode links in the show notes. So whether you’re new or not, if you’re kind of like, Ooh, I really liked this episode, I want more like that. Go to the show notes. And you’ll get recommendations that will, you know, be episodes that have a similar vibe. So for this episode, I’m linking back to Episode 10, where I talked about the sexual placebo effect and law of attraction, Episode 16, healing through seduction with pearl noir where we incorporate some kind of spiritual concepts in spiritual growth and healing. And then Episode 28, where we talked about BDSM play parties and queer sexuality with Cassie Anna boom, where we get into also a lot of like questioning norms, and being conscious and going after what you want and being intentional, and all of that. So if you are looking for more amazing episodes, you’ll find those there. You can also find them on my website, we’ll have all of the links and notes for each episode there. So for this episode, episode number 35, it’s going to be Heather shannon.co, forward slash e 35. And it will be like that for every episode. So again, Heather shannon.co, forward slash e 35. And you will find all of the links that you could ever want. All right. And then for the review of the week, this one says such a great find this podcast is fantastic. The host builds such a great rapport with her clients. I think this is about the episode where I coach Vanessa, and I love that we get to hear how these sessions go, it kind of takes the fear out of finding a therapist for the intimate moments in life. Love, love, love this pocket. Thank you very much for the review. And I wanted to use this to point out that, yeah, it’s okay to go to sex therapy. Right? It’s okay to have a sex coach. It doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you. Basically, what it means is, you’re on this consciousness journey, you’re kind of like, wait a second, all of these things that I’ve been handed about how relationships are supposed to be how sex is supposed to be, are not factual or not accurate. I mean, some of it probably is right. But maybe they’re not serving you in terms of what you’re wanting to create with your sex life. And you’re like, hey, there’s gotta be another way. And the res engineer to find me, right? So instead of looking at it, like, oh, there’s something wrong with me look at it, like, wow, I am like taking action in my life to create what I want to create, and to get the education and information that I deserved back in the day that I didn’t get. But now I have access to so that’s why I wanted to share that one. Alright, so we’re gonna start by getting into the Hawkins scale of consciousness. So I first came across this, actually, when I got sick in Puerto Rico last year, and was really having a hard time and a health coach recommended this book to me, after talking to me a little bit, and it’s about levels of consciousness and, you know, emotional states. And, you know, our perspective really, that’s how you can think of a level of consciousness is what is your perspective on the world, right, because you might have 100 people who experienced the same thing. In a day, and actually the the letting go book by David Hawkins talks about someone getting in like a fender bender in a parking lot, I think. And he goes through, you know, hey, if you’re at this level of consciousness, here’s how you react to that. If you’re in a more, you know, medium wide or a high one or low one, here’s how you’re gonna react to that. And it’s fascinating because I think our human minds can get so stuck in mind to right on, you know, like, Oh, I got a new client or my podcast is doing well today, today’s a good day, or, you know, I didn’t hear back from that client or, you know, trying to network with someone and they missed our meeting, like, today’s not a good day, right. And we can become so conditional on our circumstances. And so what I love about this level of consciousness is that it’s something that is at least somewhat in our control, that we can be intentional about and choose to be on a growth path with that. I just think that’s so much more empowering. And it’s so much more focused on, you know, what is it that we can control versus our circumstances, which actually only account for about 10% of our happiness? Isn’t that fascinating stuff they cover zero, like certain circumstances or situations might make it easier to have better feeling thoughts are easier to have a good perspective. But still, they actually only account for 10% of our happiness, which I think is fascinating. So doing this kind of work on your own perspective is going to count for much more. And the other piece is our health, right. And it’s interesting that I kind of found the scale of consciousness due to health issues. And you know, there’s just such an interplay between our thoughts, and our physical state. So when my physical state was really suffering, it was hard, it was really hard to have good thoughts, you know, it’s like I was struggling to eat, I was struggling to breathe well. And then at the same time, I knew I kind of had to improve my thoughts to help improve my physical state. And so I think that those two pieces together, sort of like, you know, genetics, epigenetics, physical wellness, thoughts perspective, that’s the other 90% of what makes up our happiness. So we’re gonna get into that, we’re gonna get into some qualities of self energy. And then we’re going to talk about what does it look like to become more conscious, and, you know, kind of embody our own internal higher consciousness when it comes to our intimate lives? Right? And I feel like this could be a long episodes, just to say that. And then, because I do want to also share my own personal experience with you know, how I used to approach sex, and like, what kind of level of consciousness is that at? Versus how do I look at things now, and hopefully, I’ll keep evolving, right? I don’t think I’m definitely not done evolving. So let’s get into the Hawkins scale consciousness. So I’m going to start by just kind of going through this chart, like a map of consciousness, I will share the chart in the show notes. So don’t forget that. And we’ll kind of go through it somewhat quickly. And so there the list is numerical. So when David Hawkins created this is a zero through 1000 scale. Okay, and so I’m going to let you know the point values, zero means like, very low vibration, zero is like dead, like you’re not even alive, right? higher vibration means like, you are just vital and vibrant and full of life really. Okay, um, so we’re gonna go through the name of the level, the number associated with it. What is sort of the predominant emotional state? What is sort of your view on life, and any other sort of details that I might get? Alright. So speaking of sex, and consciousness, you guys might want to check out educated.com Because they have 20 courses related to Tantra, which is actually a big part of why I became a sex therapist because I thought Tantra just seemed so cool, like this awesome intersection of sexuality and consciousness. So I just watched one called transcendent bodies with Barbara Corollas. It was amazing. These people are having these, you know, ecstatic, really high vibration breathwork orgasms and that I haven’t really seen anything like it to be fully honest. So I was super inspired. I think you guys will be inspired. And I was really just reminded that, you know, what we’re taught and kind of like mainstream culture is such this narrow, limited view of our bodies, and our ability to connect and our ability to experience ecstasy. And so, you know, having these platforms like educated We can expand that definition and expand those horizons, it was so important to me. And so that’s why I’m so happy to be partnering with them. So if you want that 40% discount, like I promised, you actually also get a free 24 hour trial, you’re just gonna go to bed educated.com. And you’re gonna enter the coupon code, ask a s k. And you can also find the link in the show notes. And I can’t wait to hear what you think when you check it out. All right, so the bottom level is shame. So shame is at a level of 20. And I think we all kind of know what shame is, it’s kind of like, almost feeling embarrassed about our existence. And I want to make one distinction before we go too far in this. There’s a difference between experiencing the emotion of shame occasionally, versus being like, that’s the state that you would live in. And that’s your perspective on the world. So as I’m going through these, what, what I’m saying is, this is the perspective on the world. So if you’re like, I experienced shame, sometimes it’s happening, I’m at the lowest level know, you’ve probably experienced many of these, what you want to kind of pay attention to is, what is your predominant perspective on the world? And be curious about what would it look like if your predominant perspective moved up a level? Okay, so the next level after shame, where you’re kind of just embarrassed almost about your existence, and just feeling so like, you’re just awful, is guilt, we can see guilt, like still not feeling great about yourself. So any level under 200 is kind of, you’re kind of stuck in this survival. You know, world that’s your perspective, is like just trying to get by most people are under 200. Right. I think when this was originally created, David Hawkins said about 85% of people are below 200. But the really interesting thing is, even if you’re just I think what I had just read was even if you’re at a level of like, 300, you’re counterbalancing 90,000 people who are like, below the 200 level. Isn’t that wild? So sometimes we look at the world and we think, Oh, well, you know, most people suck, or, you know, women’s soccer men suck, or there’s so many terrible things happening in the world. But I find this to be super, super hopeful and empowering. Because it’s like, if you can just do the work of moving up the scale, you become so magnetic you become, you’re like radiating. That’s how I think of it. It’s like radiating out this like good energy that benefits everyone that you come into contact with, which is just beautiful. I think. So. Okay, so don’t get too discouraged. Who oh, we’re going through the lower level. That’s that was my point with that. Okay, so guilt is the next one that’s at a level of 30. You know, and that’s obviously where you just kind of keep thinking like, how do I do something wrong? Or Jake, or someone’s feelings or, you know, there’s maybe a little questioning of yourself, or even just assuming like, I am just guilty, I’m wrong, right. Next level we have is apathy, apathy is a level of 50. And so apathy, there tends to be almost like a, like a learned helplessness. Maybe you had tried in the past, and you just feel kind of like, defeated, and there’s sort of a giving up. Hope. Right? So there’s just kind of a, I don’t know, like, does anything even matter? And like, what’s the point and things like that? So maybe some despair. Okay, so the next level we’re going to look at is grief, that is at a 75 on the zero through 1000. scale. So, grief is going to be, again, this is if it’s your predominant state. Typically, when I think of grief, I think of, you know, someone died, you lost your job, you realize you had been miserable for years, just because you hadn’t forgiven yourself, and then you finally forgive yourself. And there’s like this grief over all those years that had been lost. So it doesn’t mean that that’s not healthy, or we don’t want to ever feel that, though, what it does mean is, if that’s your predominant way of being, you know, it’s pretty depressing. So I almost think of this level as like, depressed if you’re consistently almost constantly in a state of grief. So there’s sort of this tragic feeling one. Okay, so then moving up from grief, we have fear, the level of fear is 100. You probably feel pretty anxious. So I actually think of anxious is being fear. A lot of times we think of them as separate. When we’re anxious. We’re worried because we’re like, fear that something bad’s gonna happen, typically. Right? And so, seeing that connection, I think, can be really helpful too. And so it could be anything it could be, you know, I’m afraid. I’m not going to have money to pay my bills. I’m afraid that people won’t like me. I’m afraid that I’m going to say something stupid. You know, I’m afraid ADA being alone forever afraid of never having really good sex. So whatever the fear is, again, if you’re just having a passing fear, that doesn’t mean this is your state of being. But when this is your predominant perspective, this is kind of how most of your day goes, right? And so just notice that if that’s the case, so as I’m going through these notice, okay, we’ve probably all experienced shame, guilt, apathy, grief, fear, right? But where do you tend to live? Where are you like, Ooh, I probably spend at least 50% of my time there. So notice that. All right, so next, we have desire. So this one, I think, a whole lot, they all need caveats, right? So desire, there’s a difference between just wanting something like a goal like hey, like, I want to complete a marathon. Cool. Well, that’s different than like, an addiction or a craving or is like really jonesing for something like, there’s this neediness. Like I’m not okay, without this thing. There’s a sense of scarcity, like, I have to make sure my needs are met, because a lot of times they aren’t sure I’m not going to be okay. So that’s more of that desire level. So that desire is 125. That’s the level of frequency. Okay, so the next we have anger. And anger, I do think is kind of a pivotal one, because you go from such a low energy vibration, where it’s kind of hard to take action, it’s a little bit more paralyzing to taking action. So when we think about big movement, or changes that have happened politically, right, if we look back to black lives matter, if we look back to you know, women being able to vote, it’s like, first people had to get pissed off. People had to be like, This is not okay. Right. And so again, the important part is, we don’t want to like live in anger, we want to stay there forever, we can appreciate it as a catalyst. Right? And so that’s kind of the distinction here, too. You want to notice, do you do you live in anger? Is it like, you know, this person socks, this person wronged me, this group of people is awful. You know, I hate these people, where they’re sort of this almost like revenge or, you know, aggression, coming from sort of an unhealed place. Again, doesn’t mean we don’t want to experience anger, but we don’t really want to live there permanently. Okay. So then the next level and the last one that’s below the 200 level, where we’re kind of almost trending downward or trying to like force things to happen in our lives is pride. So pride, and thinking fields, we just had pride month last month. That’s not what I’m talking about. So pride is more like, I know what’s right. And other people don’t know what’s right. Almost like a little bit of, you know, yeah, inflating yourself and looking down on other people a bit. Like I’ve got it figured out and if only they knew it’s kind of like self righteous really is how I would look at it. So that’s it. 175 calibration.

 

Hey, everybody. You might be wondering who am I my name is Eloisa and I am Heather’s Podcast Producer, and I just wanted to let you know that this episode is just the part one of the topic about self energy and becoming more conscious, but hold on tight because the episode is far from being over. And to uncover the rest of the topic. Just don’t forget to tune in for part.

 

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