Well, hello there, my friends. Um, this is episode 100 of Ask a Sex Therapist and that feels pretty cool to celebrate. Um, it feels pretty cool to celebrate because I’m really into, this is going to sound bad, but I’m going to get there, it’s, I’m really into boring things right now. And commitment can feel really boring, right?

When you’re just like showing up day after day, week after week, and a lot of, a lot of this parallels, you know, what people deal with, with intimacy and long term relationships. Um, So if, if you’ve listened to all 100 episodes, first of all, please message me, like, I would just like, love to hear from you. You know, then we’re, we’re officially in a long term relationship now.

It’s been a hundred episodes of listening to me talk. That’s a lot. Um, and. It’s been almost two years since I started, um, since I officially launched the podcast. And this episode is going to be different. This is going to be, maybe I’ll probably throw in some pearls of wisdom for you about intimacy like I just did there, but, um, this is going to be more of a reflection on just the journey of creating this podcast, um, of sticking with it, um, the ups and the downs.

I’m going to be very Honest with you guys about that. Um, and yeah, what it’s kind of meant to me. Yeah, the good, the bad, the ugly. So, uh, first though, we’re having like a really fun scavenger hunt. Um, we’ve inserted some, this is, I feel like even just saying the word inserted as like a sexual innuendo. Um, we’ve inserted some fun.

Um, mildly inappropriate Giphy’s, which are like little moving emoji things in case you’re like, what’s a Giphy into the video version of this podcast, which is over on YouTube and our YouTube channel is growing and we’re getting kind of close to monetizing it, which would be very awesome for me. Mama would like some new podcasting equipment.

So that’s my deal with myself. If the YouTube channel gets monetized, we’re upgrading the sound equipment. Okay. Um, so, in the video episodes on YouTube, we’ve hidden these mildly inappropriate giffies, and they’re just going to appear on your screen randomly, like at some point during the episode, for like 5 seconds, and then they’re going to disappear, and you’re going to be like, what’s happening?

And you just keep track of them somewhere. So it’s three episodes. So it’s three Giphy’s total one per episode. So episode 98, which is already out episode 99, which is already out in this episode and we’ll link to them. So in the show notes of episodes 98, 99 and a hundred. We’ll link to all three episodes where you need to go find the emoji object.

And so when you, Giphy, I’m using emoji and Giphy interchangeably. It’s probably more technically a Giphy because it does have like a little movement to it. Um, and then if you identify those, we also have a link in the show notes of this episode, um, or in my email that is also going out today. If you’re on my email list where you can submit your answers of what were those mildly inappropriate Giphys.

And if you get them correct, we’re going to enter you for prizes. Um, and you might be thinking, Oh my gosh, tons of people listen to this show. I’m never going to win. And the truth is that most people won’t do it. Not, not as many people will probably enter as you think. So I think you probably are going to have an actually pretty good shot of winning.

Um, and so first prize is. An assessment of your relationship with me, um, a session with me, where we go over that, and then a little printout of a few of my recommendations and resources for you. All right? So this is something I would normally charge 400 for. Now, prize two, in honor of the episode being number 100, we’re going to do a 100 gift card to Amazon.

And then prize three. Is you’re going to get a free, uh, digital course of your choosing. So you can actually, if you’re curious about learning to podcast, you can do my podcasting course, which is normally 97, my emotional mastery course, or my libido course. So, those are your prizes. Let’s, let’s get into it.

Um, let’s get excited. Let’s spread the word about, you know, sex and awesomeness. Um, and if you, if you are someone who’s been listening for a long time, the other nice thing about YouTube is you can comment on the episodes. So, comment on the episode. Just give me a little wave, like, Hey Heather, I’ve listened to all the episodes, or here’s what I’ve gotten out of it.

That would mean the world to me. So we’re going to talk a little bit about what have I learned? What have I learned from having a podcast? Um, also I want to talk about some of the milestones of the podcast. Um, Some of the difficult moments of the podcast, uh, you know, just the whole journey. So, when I started out, it was sort of like, uh, can I have a top podcast and can, can I create sort of a viable, um, Piece of content, you know, every week that’s that’s making an impact.

That’s helping people that supporting my business. That’s fun, you know, um, so it was new for me. I had not been a consistent content creator and when it comes to social media. You know, I have mostly a hate, I would say love hate, but mostly hate, if we’re being really honest. Um, I have mostly a hate relationship with that and, and so I was like, I don’t know how this is going to go.

In those first few episodes, it was sort of like, am I even like on track? Is this what people want to hear? And a lot of those are still some of the most popular episodes, which is cool. Um, you know, I base them off of, you know, when people come to me, what is it that they need to know? To get the results that they’re after.

And so those first 15 episodes or so, that’s kind of how we plan those. And, you know, I didn’t know anything about the tech side of this. I was so intimidated by the equipment. And it’s fascinating because really, once you’ve done more than one episode, the equipment, the equipment is no longer the concern.

Um, the, the process and finding guests and sticking to your deadline and trying to get ahead and all those things become more of the concern. And. You know, so I would say the lesson I’ve learned is consistency. And I have a whole new level of appreciation for other content creators and how much Work goes into it and how much commitment goes into it because, uh, today’s actually a great example.

So I’m recording this on my birthday, um, which is a weekend and instead of relaxing, I’m recording this because we also have a hurricane headed for Florida for the second week in a row. Um, and it’s evening and I would love to be sitting on the couch doing nothing. And also I love you guys and I do like creating these and.

You know, but it’s not always convenient. You know what I mean? It’s not always on my schedule. And like, that’s what consistency is, you know, is finding a way to make it happen anyways. And again, that’s what your relationships take is, you know, there’s going to be days when you’re like, Oh, my partner is just the.

Best goddamn human on the planet, right? And there’s going to be days where you’re like, I can’t stand this person. Like, why, why, why are we together? Why did I even think this was a good idea? Um, I feel trapped, you know, there might be all sorts of intense momentary feelings. Um, and that’s okay. And I think it’s like, how do we kind of ride the storm and how seriously do we take those moments, you know, and can we find.

The good in even those moments. And I think that’s really how I’m feeling about the podcast is like. Not every moment has been rainbows and sunshine, but like, I am so goddamn proud of myself, um, for making this happen through changes in editors, um, through, you know, changes to my health. Uh, when I first launched it, I wound up getting pneumonia and like lost my voice for three weeks.

You, you also wind up having a new relationship to your voice is a podcaster. And, you know, I’ve got, uh, reflux and a silent reflux, which goes right into your throat. And, um, some sinus issues kind of related to that. And last I checked vocal cord nod nodes. So it’s made me so much more aware of, you know, taking care of my voice and, um, you know, drinking tea and making sure I’m hydrated and not going to loud parties where I’m going to be like yelling and losing my voice.

Yeah. So it was really interesting how it, it po being a podcaster can kind of just get like woven into your life in some interesting ways. Let’s talk about some of the highlights of the podcast. There’s two that really stand out. I’m gonna start with the guests. Uh, having the guests and having the ability to.

, just sharing a conversation with a new person who has some cool experience, some cool perspective to offer, some professional training usually, it has been really cool. Like I’ve learned from them and, and I’ve made some lasting connections with some of these people. So our very first guest, Pearl Noir, we are now YouTube accountability buddies.

Um, Kate Balistrieri, who’s been on twice now, you know, I just reached out to her last week when I had some stressful work related stuff going on and she is just the best. Um, and Susan Bratton, you know, we email and kind of promote each other’s content and she’s just been such a supporter and cheerleader of me and really like lifts me up.

she’s just a wonderful person. And so I’m so grateful for these people and all of the guests, really, who were willing to Take the time out and who are passionate about what they do, and I think that’s the thing. I don’t think I’ve had one guest who’s not genuinely passionate about what they do, and just that is kind of contagious.

Like, I get to experience that vibe and hopefully you guys feel that vibe when I have people on, um, That it is. It’s so fun for me, like people who love helping others, people who love love, who love growth and who love connection and who see how hard it is sometimes to find healthy intimacy and who are willing to do the work.

And I think that’s a part of my journey too. Is I have been willing to do the work of the podcast and, and it is so rewarding. So the connections, the guest connections are huge. The other thing is you guys, it’s the listeners. Um, you know, some people have reached out some people I bump into in the course of my regular life and I get to hear from them that they’ve listened to all the episodes or that a particular episode impacted them.

And it’s just like. Yes, this is, this is why I do this. This is why I’m recording this on my birthday as a hurricane is hurtling towards me to cross the gulf. You know, and it is. It’s like when people are like, Oh my God, this, this like produced an aha moment for me, or this helped me with a breakthrough or, Hey, I listened to your podcast and it really like makes sense now.

Um, or it’s helping me on the journey that I’m on. Like that is so meaningful to me. So if you have been impacted, you know, Put it in the comments. Um, you know, leave it in the review on Apple podcasts. You can’t, you can’t leave written reviews on Spotify. Send me an email, you know, uh, tag me in social. Like I, I don’t care how you reach out.

I would just love to hear from you. Um, because it’s such, it’s also such a weird relationship being a podcaster. And I think I’ve mentioned this in, uh, probably in another episode where I have, I have some friends, uh, shout out to, uh. Teresa, Christine, Taylor, um, who I’ve known for decades and they listen to the podcast sometimes and they’ll be like, Oh, I feel like we’ve been keeping in touch because I listened to your podcast and then I like, just laugh and I’m like, you know, I wasn’t actually part of that conversation, right?

It’s just me talking at you. Um, so it does actually mean a lot for me when I, when it does get to be a two way street and when I do get to hear from people. So don’t hesitate to reach out. Like not only are you not bothering me, I know people always worry about that, but, um, you’ll probably make my day. So I would love that.

Be a great birthday present for me. Great hundredth episode present for me. That’s probably, that’s probably number one, honestly. Um, although it’s hard to beat the connections I’ve had with the guests too. Um, so, so those are the highlights. And then it’s, it’s also been good for business in some ways, you know, podcasts, there’s so many ways to do podcasts, right?

So I hired a launch team that really helped us get a strong start. I’ve hired editors because I knew There’s no way I’m going to stick with this if I’m trying to learn like a technical skill and the more I learn about myself and like what is my zone of genius, what am I really skilled and talented at and what’s something that like I can do it.

I can figure it out. I might even be good at it, but it’s not my zone of genius. My zone of genius is. Communicating somewhat. I think my real zone of genius is like pattern detection and helping people understand their patterns and helping people identify what patterns are going on to begin with and how we resolve them.

Um, editing, lots of clicking, lots of keeping track of details. Nope, not my forte. So, so it’s not cheap though. So it’s like, you know, there’s this investment in the initial launch team and then there’s this investment in editors, um, and then there’s all this like different software and equipment that you pay for.

Then you don’t actually get paid to podcast. You know, certainly not starting out unless, you know, you already have a large following, maybe, um, or maybe you have some good connections, um, and you, you do find a sponsorship opportunity, um, which it’s, it is possible. Um, but it’s not something that’s like, man, I’m in podcasting for the big bucks, you know, uh, if you’re somebody who has a moderately sized audience like myself.

So, yeah, so you really got to find what’s going to keep me doing this. And so it is hearing from you guys about the impact. It is the amazing guests. And then it has also resulted in people understanding my message, understanding what the path forward for them can look like, and then working with me as a coach.

And I love that, obviously, um, and I think it’s been a great tool for me when people reach out through other platforms like Psychology Today or my website, maybe haven’t listened to the podcast, I always send people a podcast episode or two related to whatever their goals are so they can get a sense of like, what are my messages.

If you guys are entrepreneurs or ever thinking about doing it, it is a great tool for that. Um, because it’s your voice, it’s long form content, it’s, you know, great for people who are committed to the process. It helps people understand what you’re all about and kind of build some trust with you as a potential provider.

So that’s been a great benefit too. Um, now let’s talk about challenging moments. So as mentioned, today’s an interesting one. I think it’s like almost appropriate though, that like for the hundredth episode, it’s just like shits hitting the fan a little bit. Um, my, my new podcast intern, who’s been great, unfortunately had a family issue come up and it’s not going to be able to complete the podcast internship.

So it’s just like, you know, shits hitting the fan. It’s fine, but I do think it teaches you. To just like roll with the punches and like not panic and you become very resourceful and you find more ways to get it done so that you’re not just dependent on like one pathway working out perfectly. It’s like you got to have a plan A, B, and C basically.

Um, so you know it’s like everything that’s good about it maybe has the shadow side and then everything that’s a challenge about it has a silver lining. Yes, there have been moments though, where I’m just like, I don’t know, business is a little slow. Is this, is this worth it? Why am I putting all this time into this podcast?

Like, is this going anywhere? Um, and we’re in the, we’re in the top 1 percent of podcasts on listen notes. Right. Um, but that doesn’t always translate into, you know, money in your pocket or huge, you know, notoriety or anything like that. Um, but it is validating, so I don’t want to discount it. But yeah, there’s been those moments where I’m just like, am I kidding myself here is, you know, but what, what I do know about podcasting, about business in general, probably about any form of content creation, probably about any goal that you’re having, if you want to write a book or if you want to run a marathon or if you want to lose some weight.

It’s like, and I guess this is becoming the theme of this podcast episode, is like, fucking stick with it. You know, it’s like, if you want something to happen, keep going. Right. And I do like podcasting and I love having these conversations and I love answering your questions on the listener Q and A episodes, which we will have another one of those soon.

Please submit your questions by the way. There’s a lot of interesting layers. And elements though of of what’s going on and it’s like maintaining the focus and you know, it’s like if you’re running a marathon, for example, you know, you’re going to get injured and there’s going to be setbacks and there’s going to be days you don’t want to do it and you might even have to push the date of your marathon back.

If you do get injured and you have to go to rehab. You know, physical therapy or something, um, and it is, it’s the same thing with anything we stick with long term. So stick with it, right? Like most podcasts that do have huge growth, that do have huge sponsorship, that do, you know, produce a lot of clients for the, for the host have been doing it for a really long time, right?

And I, I know one of the other guests we’ve had on who has a podcast mentioned, Hey, I didn’t monetize my podcast for six years. I was like, wow, okay, that’s actually really, really helpful to know, right? So and with that, I want to say I and probably you and all of us, we compare ourselves to other people and we compare ourselves to benchmarks and we typically compare ourselves to the best of the best, which is so fascinating, right?

Because even the best of the best. Probably have been doing it like decades longer than us, literally, right? And like, why would we compare ourselves to someone when it’s like not apples to apples, right? Sometimes we might compare ourselves to someone where it’s like, well, they started when I started and they’re kicking butt and I’m not.

And what I’ve also learned is that, like, everyone’s path looks different. You need to figure out what works for you. And even, like, following someone else’s formula, it can be helpful as, like, a starting point or a framework, but your path is still going to be different. So, like, your path to love, your path to great sex, your path to increased energy and improved libido, It’s going to look different than everyone else’s, you know, I’ve, I’ve also experienced this with some of my health issues, you know, that there can be this frustration of like, well, why hasn’t it worked yet?

And it’s like, well, because you haven’t found the thing that’s work going to work for you. And so, so that’s, that’s my big takeaway too for the future, right? It’s like. We are just getting started my friends, right? Like I, I’m not going anywhere with this podcast, you know, sometimes I don’t know why I’m so committed, because they do sometimes question like, okay, how much time are we putting into this?

How much stress sometimes? And it’s like, is, is, is the return on the time and financial investment there? Um, I also just believe in this medium, um, I think that’s another piece of it. You know, we’ve talked on other episodes about how it’s one of the very few places where frank discussions about sexuality are not censored.

And like, that is so refreshing. Like, that alone, it’s like, thank you for this, like, sanctuary of, like, honesty and uncensored truth. Right? And I think, I think uncensored truth is part of my intro, uh, if I recall correctly. I recorded that before the first episode. And. So I appreciate it. I appreciate the opportunity to, like, talk honestly and not have to, like, mince words or, like, be extra careful and to, like, just focus on the message that I’m communicating to you guys.

Um, so I hope that comes through. So anyways, I’m going to keep podcasting for a while, indefinitely. I will also say as a business, this is as a business owner in general, like, your integrity will be tested. Right? Um, because it’s not that we haven’t been approached by sponsors. It’s the, I say no, you know, probably 80, 90 percent of the time.

Um, right. If somebody is like, Hey, blah, blah, blah, this product. And it’s like a bunch of like synthetic crap that I don’t think is going to be healthy for you. No, thank you. We’re not going to do that. Um, if it’s been approached by a couple AI things, um, Oh, I was approached by a sex doll place. Um, and I’m not against sex dolls, right?

I’m like, I’m sure there’s like a therapeutic use for that 100%. It’s not something I know a ton about. I don’t know that it’s something that’s like ideal for my audience. Um, and the same thing with AI. Like I, I personally am about promoting human to human connection. That’s what I’m, what I’m about here.

We’re all on our screens. We are, you know, scrolling and doom scrolling and numbing out and Netflix and chilling and sometimes not having sex with the Netflix and chilling. Just actually chilling. And, you know,   📍 Missing out on nature and missing out on play and missing out on more connections, whether it’s platonic and just building community or whether it’s romantic and sexual.

 And to me, like, this is one way I can encourage people to get off your couches, um, get out of your houses if you’re able to, um, and if you’re not able to for whatever reason, um, Find a way to connect virtually still face to face still live in real time, right? Most of us can do that But I guess that would be my challenge to you guys.

I didn’t realize I was gonna be giving everyone a homework assignment But here we go Find a way to increase connection in your life. Let’s let’s discuss some ideas For example, I’m taking an improv class It’s super fucking fun. I love it. It’s a great outlet. It reminds it’s like recess for adults, but maybe even like more fun and you just interact with different people and you have different partners each time and you know different personalities and people you might not be exposed to and and So I would encourage that, right?

If you’re kind of like, I don’t know if it’s for me, that’s fine. Do something else. Take a mindfulness class, right? Go meet people and sit silently with them. That’s a great one. If you’re like, I don’t know, Heather, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve been peopling enough lately. I’ve kind of like peopled out. Go sit silently with them.

That’s perfect. Um, you know, take an acting class, take a writing class. Um, I think taking classes obviously is a great opportunity. Uh, go to a speed dating event. Um, go country line dancing, just do something. We’re actually around people. Like, I think there needs to be a movement back. And I think with AI, the in person events are going to be that much more at a premium.

I think we’re going to value those more and more highly because, you know, I’m someone who uses chat GPT pretty much every day. Um, There’s more and more shows on Netflix about AI taking over or whatever. ChatGPT is extremely sassy and disobedient, so it’s like, things are gonna get wild, you know? There was some show about like, deep fake, um, what was it?

Like, deep fake, uh, is your, is your partner actually cheating on you, or is this a deep fake video? You know? And like, people who are really famous are having all this like, fake AI shit about them. And, um, So I think it’s going to change. And so I think we need to start prioritizing in this world where technology is advancing so much and we’re interacting with technology so much.

How can we increase our interactions with each other? So find a way, let me know if you, if you do it, come back and comment or shoot me an email. Um, you guys can email by the way, ask a sex therapist podcast at gmail. com easy to remember. So That’s where we’re at, my friends. Um, and I’m going to end by, uh, mentioning we do need a new intern.

So, uh, actually one more thing after that. We do need a new intern. So if you are somebody who is curious about sex education or sex therapy or intimacy coaching as a career path, or if you’re somebody who’s interested in podcasting or learning how to become an editor, an audio or video. editor. Um, this would be a great opportunity for you.

You need to be 18 plus, but again, shoot us an email. Ask a sex therapist podcast at gmail. com and And we’ll talk. Let’s talk. It’s no more than 10 hours a week, so it’s something that can be done, you know, on top of, uh, school, um, or job, or whatever else you have going on. And I do want to just celebrate some of our milestones, right?

Like, when I first started this show, hitting the top 1 percent of podcasts was a huge goal for me. And. I got so close and then I kind of plateaued for a while and then we got there, you know, and I kind of see it seemingly randomly. I’m like, I don’t even know. Like, did I do anything special that week or that month that pushed us over the edge?

Not necessarily, and I think that also just points back to like sticking with something, you know, that there’s there’s value in sticking with something and seeing what we can learn from it and how we can grow from it. Um, yeah. Because for me, it’s really created this, like, trust in myself. It’s like I set out to do something, and I stuck with it through the thick and the thin, and I did it, you know?

The average podcast does eight episodes. And then that’s it. We’re at a hundred. Like that’s pretty cool. Right? So we got to a hundred episodes way further than the eight. We at the top 1 percent we’ve been listed as number one in sex podcasts in St. Lucia and the health and fitness podcast in St. Lucia.

We’ve been on the Apple podcast sexuality charts in like, I don’t know, like 30 different countries, which is pretty cool. Um, when I first launched, we even made it to the U S health and fitness ones. Uh, so it’s, it’s been just. A wild, wild ride. Um, I appreciate all of you. I do. I appreciate you listening. Um, I hope you participate in the scavenger hunt.

I’m doing one more plug for the scavenger hunt. Go find our mildly inappropriate giffy emoji things in the YouTube videos and then click the link in the show notes here and submit your answers and let us know. Um, and don’t forget to subscribe to the YouTube channel. So again, we’ll If we get that monetized, we’re going to have even better sound quality, and we all benefit from that.

I’m a little bit of a sound snob, and I know that I’m supposed to be like practical and like not care too, too much about that, but I do. So, so there we go. Um, thank you guys so much. Uh, let’s, let’s do another hundred.