Hello everybody. We are here with a special guest today talking to you about seduction learning styles, which is very exciting. Um, so let me introduce Marla. Marla is a certified sexologist, author, and sexual strategist who runs her own sexuality education company, Velvet Lips. She is also a co founder of the top rated Sex Down South conference.

She 22 years. and has given over 600 workshops all over the world. She’s been featured on a variety of media outlets, including Netflix’s Trigger Warning with Killer Mike and Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. She co wrote her first book, The Ultimate Guide to Seduction in foreplay with Dr. Jessica O’Reilly, which debuted in April, 2020.

So welcome Marla Renee Stewart. Very excited to have you here.

Hey Heather, I’m so excited to be here. Thank you so much for having me.

Yeah, for sure. So, Yeah, I don’t, I mentioned this before we hit record, but I didn’t realize that you’ve been doing this for 22 years.

Yes.

amazing.

Yes. I’ve been doing this a long ass time.

Like, like what made you passionate about this area? How did you get into it?

You know, I, you know, I think, uh, there’s a couple of parts to it. One is, uh, you know, I, I,  I would say my mom did some sex positive parenting without realizing she was doing sex positive 

That’s amazing.

was just, uh, just didn’t want me to become a teenage, you know, um, uh, uh, teenage, teenage, uh, parent, like she was.

Mm hmm.

so she really educated me on everything from like, if you get horny, this is what you do. This is what UCI feels like. This is what BV is. This is, you know, like all the things. Um, and

literally got nothing. It’s always so interesting to hear like backgrounds of people who go into this field and it’s really all over the place.

It is, it is, it is, yeah. And I, yeah. And then when I came out, she was just like, Oh my God, she’s like, I don’t know, you know, what they do. But she like handed me a lesbian sex pamphlet and was like, here, here, protect yourself, you know? So it was, it was out of, I’m sure out of fear, but out of love, you know, and, and respect.

So. Um, I think that was part of it. And then, yeah. And then when I got into college, I was like, I was the go to person around sex, relationships, communication, all of those things. So I was like, Oh, this needs to be my job. Like this

Do you think it’s, do you think it’s just because you were more comfortable than like the other college students?

Absolutely. Absolutely. And it was, I was studying it. So I was studying human sexuality, LGBT studies.

Oh, cool.

think it was, it was all of that. Mm hmm.

Like when you’re, I mean, cause it’s interesting as much as I’ll sometimes be like, my parents didn’t say much to me, you know, whatever. Um, I don’t know if I wanted them to. I think I was probably so deeply uncomfortable. Like, were you uncomfortable when your mom was telling you

Oh my God. I was so

like, okay.

you kidding me? So embarrassed. So embarrassed. It was like, my mom was like, when you’re, you know, when you’re ready to have sex, that means you go to the store and you buy condoms. Like, that’s when you know you’re ready to have sex. And I was like, okay. You know? And so that, of course that conversation is uncomfortable.

And then of course, the lesbian sex pamphlet thing was also uncomfortable. Like everything was uncomfortable. I was just like, mom, leave me alone. You know? Um, It was, it was very awkward, but I’m very thankful, you know, uh, and when I got to college, I realized like how thankful I was and you know, my mom and I, we kind of butted heads, you know, a little bit while, you know, while I was a teenager, but, um, for the most part, I’m, I’m so glad that she was able to, to come through for me and, and, and be a supportive parent like she, like she is.

That’s awesome. Is she like so proud of you now for doing this work?

Oh yeah, absolutely. My mom comes with me everywhere. Like, when

Really? Oh

she, yeah, she comes with me to take care of my child. Yeah,

my god, I love her. She sounds like a very good mom. That’s awesome. Um, okay, so you, you mentioned, again, before we hit record, that the seduction learning styles is something you’ve developed quite a while ago. Um, how did you even develop this? Like, did patterns just start becoming clear to you?

Yes. Yeah. It’s sort of like the Matrix, you know, yeah, I was reading, um, The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene. And I was like, I was studying like, okay, how, how do I like navigate? Putting this all together and, and helping people with their sex lives. And when I was reading this book and then I was thinking about the learning styles, I was like, Holy shit, this is it.

This is how people get seduced. This is how they connect with other people. And I, um, that I was like, this is a foundation. And so what I realized, everybody that I talked to, I’m immediately able to sort of peg them as auditory or visual or tactile. And And I’m able to connect with them better because people are like, wow, Marla, you make so many connections.

You’re friends with everybody. You’re able to do all these things. And I’m like, It’s because I know how to talk to them. I know how to connect with them. Um, because of what I formulated, right? Um, like I said, it was sort of like, yeah, I basically kind of put these two concepts together and came up with a seduction learning styles and it’s helped so many people.

And um, it, it just really helps people to understand not only who they are as, as, as

Mm hmm.

and understanding themselves, but how to connect with other people that feels genuine, uh, not, you know, gaslighting or not, whatever the, the pickup artists, you know, type shit, like it is genuine human connection.

And so that’s what makes it, I believe, you know, very valuable. So, um, so that’s, that’s the foundation.

like learning styles from like school almost and like mixing it with sex ed.

Yes.

Oh, that’s so interesting. So, okay, what are you? What are yours? And can we figure out mine?

Yeah. Absolutely. I probably know yours already. Um, yeah, so mine is very, I’m very visual and very tactile and there’s, there’s not necessarily like you are one and only one, but you sometimes are usually the majority of one or maybe two. Some people are like, I’m turned on by all the things, right? So that they have, you know, all three.

Um. Yeah. But, uh, my guess is that you are probably a little bit visual and more auditory.

Okay. So, what are the options?

visual, auditory, tactile.

Okay. Can I be all of them?

Yeah. Yeah. Take the quiz. You might be.

Oh, there’s a quiz. Everyone’s gonna love that. Okay,

Yeah,

in the show notes, everyone. Okay.

The quiz is there for you to, to, to find out what your learning style is.

Okay, that’s so fun. So, what makes you think that I’m auditory and visual? I don’t know. Mm

visual people tend to, uh, so what the hack is, right? That visual people tend to, uh, have a lot of adornment on their faces or a lot of things happening. Um, and so the mind, right, the jewelry, the lashes, the, all the things, um, um, and different colored hair tend to be, you know, audit, uh, I’m sorry, visual, but yeah, usually I say people with funky glasses. Usually our visual people, um, you know, jewelry, you have like big jewelry, you have like big hoops on, um, those tend to be pretty good indicators that someone is visual because they’re seeing themselves in the mirror and they’re like, Oh, I got to add, I got to add the pizazz, you know what I

yeah. And I used to have purple hair, but then it all fell out.

Oh, we’ll

I’m okay now. I grew my hair back, but now I’m too afraid to dye it again.

Oh, maybe not that you, you need to get the topical one, not

Yeah, that’s a good idea. Yeah,

Yeah.

Okay. Uh, okay, so that’s

And then, yeah, those are the, those are that the visual hacks for around people. And then the auditory hacks are generally like you ask somebody a question and they give you like a really drawn out answer. For instance, you could be like, how was your day? And you’d be like, well, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and then I had to do this and then I had to do that. And then I went in the shower and then the water was cold. Like they have like stories, you know what I

that’s me. Definitely. I also think that’s ADHD, but yeah, I also think ADHD people, like all the podcasters I know, or maybe not all, but like half have ADHD

Hmm. Wow. Interesting.

number and like entrepreneurs in general, like very high percentage

Oh yes, absolutely. Absolutely. Entrepreneurs. Yes. In general. All. Yes. That’s a, that’s a hardcore fact.

Yeah. I wonder if there’s a

Um, because, but, uh, and you know what the, the reason why is because there’s so many different things to do and you can draw your, put your attention towards several different places. So yeah, it’s a, it’s a, a really, I believe people who have ADHD should definitely be more entrepreneurial than working for someone, in my opinion.

I agree. I, like, I’m ruined. I don’t think I’m capable of working for others at this point.

You’re ruined.

I just, it’s just, like, not even possible anymore. Um, yeah. But, okay, so we’ve got, okay, so the auditory, you can kind of tell, like, if someone’s chatty, if they’re kind of, like, digressing a

They like to hear themselves talk and they love to hear themselves speak and talk. And so, um, they, they tend to go like, Oh, we had, I love a good conversation, but it’s really like, I love to hear myself talk, uh, is really like the underlying subconscious of it

Yeah. Guilty. Okay. All right. So that makes sense. And then what about the tactile one?

Tactile. Um, these are people like the hack around. These people are generally like, they love to touch everything. So like taking them to a store and seeing how they move. So if they go and touch everything on the shelf, like generally those are tactile people. They like to, they love to touch. These are like athletes, dancers, people who love to move their body.

typically are more tactile.

That makes a ton of sense. And I’ve also found that people like that are pretty sexual in general.

Yeah. Yeah. They love to touch. Right. They love, they love

Dancers,

I, I feel like,

yeah.

yeah, I mean, you know, everybody can be sexual. I think it’s just how they’re sexual. Yeah. So I think when

a good point.

yeah, I think people thinking about tactile because they love to touch, they’re kind of, you know, they’re like people read their cues, uh, more blatantly, I guess you could say.

I love that you’re giving us all these hacks, too, so now, like, everyone listening can go, like, figure out the people in their lives. It’s

And that’s why I was like, Oh, this is, this is, this is how I connect to people. This is how I’m able to connect with people easily. You know, it’s because I’ve been able to tap into all of these different ways of doing that.

Okay. That makes sense. All right. Um, so then what does it mean? So now that we kind of know our styles, our partner’s styles, what does it mean for our sex lives?

It means is that you’re able to relay that to your lover, right? So for instance, Heather, if you’re my lover and I’m like, okay, you are visual for sure. Or there’s other aspects of you that are visual. I’m going to be like, well, I’m going to do what I’m going to do to use my sexual assets to ensure that you are attracted to me.

So maybe it’s what I wear. Right. What I put on or what I take off. Right. Maybe it is how I put on my, put on my face or my jewelry, or maybe it’s, um, it could also be the way that I describe a story to you. Right. So it could be, uh, uh, vision, uh, visual people love to daydream. Right. So they need to see a story.

So how I’m connecting with you that way, it may be, um, eye contact cause that’s number one with visual people. So maintaining that eye contact, um, having that be steady, that’s huge. Um, how you move. Uh, so if it’s a busy room. Making sure that you’re moving

very slowly or just staying still. Right. Cause that gets the attention of a visual person because it’s the opposite of the room.

Um, Uh yeah, there’s, there’s, there’s, you know, those kinds of things that are, are helpful for visual people. Um, and then if you were like, okay, well I’m also auditory. I can be like, talk to you in low,

soft, deep

tones. Make you wait on everything. Uh huh. word that I’m going to say, right? Like, Uh huh. That’s you know, vocabulary, um, fluctuations and, you know, intonation and the way you, you, you speech pattern, um, vocabulary, people who are auditory love different kinds of words, multi syllable words, um, words that you normally don’t hear in, you know, the everyday language.

Um, so you might up your game on your vocabulary

Yeah. That’s interesting. So there’s like a little overlap with, you know, like

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh

yeah. For sure. For sure.

Yeah. Dirty talk that they want to hear. Right. Absolutely. Like thinking about the kind of dirty talk. Um, but dirty talk moans, breathy tones, music they want to hear. Absolutely. Those are super, super, um, but the most important thing I think for auditory people are the questions and feedback. So with an auditory person says, Oh, you know, I walked my dog yesterday.

You know, the next thing out of your mouth should be, Oh, what kind of dog do you have? What’s the name of your dog? Uh, was it a long walk, a short walk? Tell me more about your walk. Did you meet really

engaging and having that active

any other dogs on the walk? listening is really, really huge

for auditory

Yeah. That makes some sense. And also that’s just a good skill set to have is to be

Mm hmm. Yes. That’s

like really present with what someone’s telling you and like the act of listening and everything. Um, okay. That’s awesome. Okay. So we did visual, we did auditory and now tactile. So if you have a tactile

Yeah, if you have a tactile partner, well, what you need to do is make sure that you are rubbing up against them. Right? So that you are using your body, your hands, whatever you have to rub up against them, or have, you know, use their hands or body to rub up against you. Um, I also encourage people to, uh, variation in clothing.

Um, you know, a lot of times we just wear cotton. So using different kinds of materials, whether that’s

lace,

Yeah. That

rubber, uh, leather, seersucker, velvet, whatever, like

try different kinds of

Mm-Hmm.

so that they want to reach out and touch you. Um,

Yeah. I like really

yeah.

Yes. Um, yes, so all of those things are tactile and then, um, dancing.

So anything that, you know, doing some dancing, generally tactile, people really love to dance, move their bodies. Like I said, a lot of times these people are athletes, they’re dancers. They love to use, utilize their bodies in various ways. Um, they might be fitness people, like, like lots of fitness people tend to be tactile.

Uh, but, uh, what else, uh, uh, so I said material, I said movement, um,

uh, getting them just to be active,

uh, on certain things. So that’s, yeah, huge for tactile people.

Now, like if you and your

partner have different styles, is that a challenge or not

necessarily.

on what they are. Right? So the only actually real challenge is if both of you are auditory. So both of you are auditory. It’s a challenge because you both want to talk. You both love hearing yourself talk. So a conversation is like, it’s like double Dutch. You’re like, uh, uh, uh, you know, you’re trying to get into the conversation.

So that’s really challenging.

The most challenging, again, is if both people are auditory, but one person visual, one person mostly auditory, you’re fine. Every, I think every other combination is

Mm hmm.

is good. But really it’s

about, um,

uh, really

it’s about what do you call like, um, catering to your lover’s learning style?

Mm. Yeah. That makes sense. And I mean, I can see as an auditory person where, and also in the ADHD again, but, where I sometimes interrupt or I jump in and sometimes my dad will reflect this to me and then I’m like, okay, I just need to be a little more conscious of it. Um, but I actually really

Yeah, you do. I’m sure.

do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It’s like,

maybe I just, yeah. I like people who are like expressive and I’m kind of like

okay, they’re like meeting me halfway. It’s not like just me pouring into like the relationship or like the space. So

Yeah. I think that’s, uh, that is a learned skill for auditory people. Um, I’ve, what I’ve noticed. To is that like, somebody will be like, I scored high on auditory, but I love listening to people. And I’m like, but where did you do that as a kid? When you were a kid, were you told to shut the fuck up? And the, usually they’re like, yeah.

And I’m like, you just learned to shut the fuck up. You didn’t that, that skill, that thing is still in you.

You just learned the extra skill to shut the fuck up. So, um, Yeah. But it’s true. It’s like what we are as, as kids is, is generally, you know, who we are as adults, but we’ve learned the skills

to, to accommodate other

people rather than engaging authentically in who we are.

that makes a lot of sense. This is such an interesting, um, model

to play with and, you know, I’ve thought about doing a workshop for people on like create your own sex manual and I can see how this would really come in handy, you know, for people to like take the quiz and it’s just a whole other way to know yourself as a

Oh yeah. absolutely. Absolutely. And that’s in, and I love the fact that like when Jess and I wrote the book, like, I feel like our, our models go hand in hand because hers of the core erotic feeling of like who you are at your core.

If that person can like

cater to who your core is like, it’ll be amazing.

You know what I mean? Yeah,

Yeah, that’s true. And I think, I think so much of what we want in

relationships is to feel like,

you know, seen, heard and understood, you know, and it sounds like this model is helping people do or receive like exactly that,

Yeah, yeah,

which is pretty cool. Um, okay. And then does this also get into like, like sexual acts like in the bedroom or do you find that it comes into play more so in like, You know, foreplay or flirting, you know, kind of leading up to the bedroom.

um, both. Absolutely. And so, yeah, when we talk about in the book, you know, we talk about the practical strategies on the ways to use those because not only do you want to plant sex seeds, um, as the foreplay in the seduction, right? But you also want to be practical. So for instance, if you are going down on someone and someone is visual, you know, what are the ways that you are connecting with them?

Maybe you’re making eye contact with them, maybe, but if, maybe if they’re tactile, so maybe, you know, you need to be using your hands all around their body while you’re, um, you know, maybe you’re grabbing them using, oh, tactile, forgot to say pressure, using pressure, you know, the, the tips of your fingers, all those things.

You can integrate those ways of being into your sexual experiences. So, Yeah, if you’re audit, if someone’s auditory, right? The moans and breathy tones, right? The, uh, oh yeah, you’re just like, you know, the guttural sounds that you make in orgasm. Like

all of those things are going to

Yeah. Right. Or like slurping sounds during the

People love those slurping sounds. Yeah.

they really do love the

slurping sounds.

That’s the pro tip. If you’re like, how do I take my blowjob to the next level? Just add a little slurping sound.

It’s a hawk to a girl, you know?

Yeah. With, with eye contact. I mean, what if you combine all of

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Then you’re, uh, you are a pro, you know what I mean? And I feel like that’s why a lot of sex

workers, you know, have been successful in, in

what they do because they’re able to

navigate, uh, all of those different things at the same time.

And just understanding people. I think just like being able to read people and understand them. Huge. Um, yeah, that’s so cool. So once people master this, like, how do you feel like this changes things for them? Like, I’m sure you’ve worked with a lot of people, um, who’ve kind of gone through this process with you.

Like what Like what happens

I mean, it is a game changer. So I had this couple, they were together 40 years, and the wife was like, he never listened to me. He never listened to me. Everything I say, he never listened to me, da, da, da, da, whatever. He never listened to me, da da. And then I said, well, you’re probably shouting at him or something.

I said, this is what I want you to do. I

want you to go up to him. I want you to place your

hand on his arm. Look him in

his eye and say what you need to say.

And she did that. And she was

Ooh,

Oh my God,

he listened to me. And I was like, cause he’s probably

tactile. And you have been shouting at him from 30 feet away or five feet

away

Oh, wow.

touching him

and connecting to who he is. And. Yeah. So, you know, it is an absolute game

I’m stealing all of it.

Just make sure You cite me. That’s all I care about.

Marla. Yeah, that’s, I just, yeah, that’s great. I mean, it’s

like such a, like, it sounds like such a small thing, but I think it really does come from like knowing someone, meeting them where they’re at, you know? And I think that’s like a classic example you gave because I don’t really know anyone who likes being yelled at from like another floor of the house or like three rooms away of the house.

And to just kind of realize like, Oh my God, what if I could get like. you know, double or triple the results just by taking a few extra seconds. Like that. Yeah. And that’s, that’s one thing. And not to like hate on men, but like

one thing from working with men is I realized they try really hard. Like they’re trying really hard to, you know, if they’re with a woman to please a woman and, you know, So I’m like, Oh, wow, I think they’re trying harder than their partners realize sometimes.

And when I, what I realize is like, it’s like, because not 100 percent of it is landing, you know, it’s like sometimes they find them like trying very hard, but not in the ways that are going to get them the points that they’re trying to get. Um, so I think what you’re saying really hits that home and regardless of gender, really, but, um, That it’s like when you learn your person’s style, then you get credit for a

Oh yeah, absolutely.

And like, just, just for me, it’s like, I want to get credit for all my effort. I don’t want to

feel like half my effort is

Yeah, absolutely. So like, um, I had an example, this guy, he was like,

I need help. I need help. I need help. I said, okay.

And so, you know, I’m like, these are the seduction learning styles. It’s what you need to do. This is how you recognize it. Right. He meets a, he sees a woman in a cafe

and, um,

hmm.

she’s reading a book that he loves.

Right. So he’s like, Oh my God, like, okay, like this is my opportunity. Right.

So, you know, he approaches her about the

book. He, uh, she starts going off about the book, right. She’s really excited about the book. She starts talking

Yeah.

he interrupts her. Starts talking, starts talking, talking, talking about the book and then basically shut her down.

Right? Cause clearly she was excited about the book and she probably was auditory like, Oh, you’re asking me questions. So instead of recognizing that she was auditory and asking questions and getting, giving feedback, he went into his whole like, Oh, I like it too. And this is what I like about it. And this is how it ended up done

and made it about

him

And he ruined his opportunity. You know what I mean? Like he completely ruined his opportunity to,

um,

But thank

I mean, yeah, but, but he was like, I don’t know what I did wrong. I was like, I know exactly what you did wrong. You know, like You

gave her no space.

Yeah. Yeah. That’s another classic one. Like, I mean, yeah, I think so many

people just really enjoy when someone shows curiosity about them in sort of like a dating situation. And I do think that the tendency sometimes can be like, I have to impress this person, or I have to like, make sure I share all the like, great things about myself.

And it’s like, they’re coming from a good place with that, you know? Um, again, it’s just not going to get you the results that you want. So, yeah, I’m. I’m definitely about like helping people get the results that they actually want. Um, so we’ve talked about this, I guess, more so in partnership, but I mean, you kind of just gave a great example for single people too.

Um, so how do you feel like this impacts like the dating experience or like what would it affect? Like, like if I go on a dating app, would it affect what I look for in someone

Well, I think this is the hard part because like the only way to really engage on dating apps is if, to tell someone if they’re visual, right? You can’t tell if someone’s auditory or tactile via a dating app. And so that’s sort of the, the disadvantageous part of dating apps.

Um, I, you know, and then there’s also,

you don’t

even know what someone smells like, you know what I mean?

Like, you know.

it’s true. That’s

Oh, it’s ginormous.

with pheromones and hormones.

So like, uh, you know, I, I feel like

if you’re going to use dating apps, use them very, um, temporarily and arrange meetings sooner than later. So I would just say, um, I used to, when I was on dating apps, I used to have this thing of like, uh, seven messages max.

Like, if we can’t get to meeting in person within seven messages, like, I’m not interested. Um, cause I am not, you know, people like to like to

drone on and on and on and on. And I’m like, I am not that person. So yeah. So I think it’s important to also have boundaries for

yourself. Um, and to understand who you are.

Cause if you are a person who likes to, I don’t know, have six month long conversations, I watch catfish and I’m just like, I can’t, this is appalling that people are going years and years without meeting people. Like this is just outrageous.

Oh, yeah.

I, get it. Cause they’re hanging on to, to, to something.

But then it’s like, you know, it never, it never, it hardly ever turns out that way. successful. Um, so I think, you know, when we’re thinking about the seduction learning styles and trying to implement them in dating apps, if you’re auditory, that means you need to get on the phone. That means you need to have a phone call.

It means if you’re visual, it means you need to have a video chat. Um,

you know, if you’re tactile, I don’t, that’s a hard one. Cause you know, you can’t really

touch through the phone, but you

know, um, you

know, I, I, think it’s just, yeah, I think

it’s just difficult to navigate that

Limitations. Yeah, it is. I mean, and it’s interesting. I’m like,

definitely very auditory because I actually leave people audio

Oh, nice. Yes.

When I’m on there. Yeah, which like most people, most people are like, I didn’t even know this was a feature of

Bumble. I’m like, here I am, like the only person using the audios, but I do think it like adds more of a, it’s like, oh, that’s a real human and on the other side.

So, um,

yeah. yeah.

I’m a huge, I

yeah. So some

for auditory. I think those, that’s a really great, what I, you know, call it, I call it plant the sex seeds, really great sex seed is auditory auditory, like one liner stories. Like I had a couple that I just kind of like, he, he really loved like her

voice.

And so I like planned with her to

make these like one liner auditory stories, like descriptive stories.

And, um,

Yeah, they were, they were

really great.

So,

um, yeah, it’s sort of like, you know, use what you got to get what you want. You know what I

mean?

Right? It’s like, um, it’s fun hearing how you work with people because it just sounds like such a creative process, which is cool because, I mean, I think creative energy and sexual energy are, you know, one in the

Oh, yeah, absolutely. I just gave a lecture to a bunch of, um, almost sex therapists and, or they were going through their sex therapy certification. And I was talking about a, um, Uh, a couple that I have where we had to integrate fan fiction, right? Like the wife was a huge, like Wolverine, rogue

fan fiction fan

you know, and was like, okay, how do

we

It’s so cute.

sex life?

And they

did. And it’s like, glorious, you know? So you,

Oh, that’s amazing. Um, what, I mean, yeah, just what a cool tool that you use with people and the fact that, I mean, you said you’ve been

yeah, yeah.

with people, so this is like great. Tried and   📍

I want everybody to know about it. Like I want this to be just as popular as everybody knows the freaking five love languages. Like people need to know this, you know, like this needs to be the basis of like emotional and interact like connection. You know what I mean? Like fuck those love languages. Like come on, like this is so much better.  

Like I want everybody to know what this is. Like how do I get on the

news with this? You know?

I mean, I think in

our field, it is so challenging sometimes to get things out. Although I have found YouTube to be much better than, um, than Instagram and podcasts are so fun because

you’re right.

So yeah. So I mean, I love, I love that.

I’m happy you’re able to, to join me and teach

everyone about this stuff. But, uh, yeah, it’s like,

I think we sometimes need an army. It’s like, we have to all band together to

Yes, absolutely.

So let’s talk about parting words of wisdom for people. Like what are the main takeaways you want people to have when it comes to

you know, one of the main things I want people to, to take away, especially with regarding the seduction learning styles is that we all have a way of connecting with one another. And just to make sure that you are again, using what you got to get what you want. So using your sexual assets, knowing how you can connect and really using those in a way that’s advantageous for you and your lover or lovers.

And so, uh, and then with that, I, I also want to encourage people just to be curious and, you know, try things at least three times. You know, try something at least three times. If it doesn’t work out, then come back to it. Maybe five years later, 10 years later, come back to it. Your body changes. You might change.

You may have gone through some things. So I really, yeah, I encourage people to, um, to, to, to try

things at least three times And then, and if it still doesn’t work out, come

back to it. So those are like my parting words of wisdom.

I love that. And I mean, I think what you just said to

me, it’s like sexual assets is even like a really interesting concept because I can see some people that I work with that are kind of like, what sexual assets and like, I have no desire and I don’t feel sexy at all. But I can see that like through this process, people might discover like, Okay.

Oh, it’s not just like what my body looks like, you know, you know, the visual part, maybe it’s how you kind of like adorn your body or, you know, expressing yourself through style or fashion or hair or makeup or whatever it is. Um, But it’s also just like your energy and it’s also your verbal expression and your vocabulary, you know?

And so I think when people are like, Oh, well, I guess I do have some of those, you know? Um, so I like that idea of people just feeling more

absolutely. And we can always find something about us that is, is positive. Like even something that’s negative always has a positive, you know what I mean?

So I think we also have to

reformulate how we think about, you know, ourselves in general.

A hundred percent. That could be a whole other

episode.

Right.

Yeah. Um, because I do think sometimes we’re, you know, we’re brought up obviously with these ideas about sex. I kind of think like, We come into the world kind of a blank slate. We get programmed in all these ways. And then we have to, you know, listen to podcasts and educators and read books and do all the things to reprogram ourselves, how we actually want to be programmed in a way that serves us.

And I think that is kind of what you’re speaking to, you know, of like, let’s. Reconceptualize how we even look at sexiness and, um, sexual

Yeah,

absolutely.

Yes. I, we, we do need to look at it

a little bit differently than we have in the past. Yeah. And this is the tool to do

Yeah, it is. And I’m so excited to share

this with people. So thank you very much for coming on here. And if people are just like, Oh my God, Merle

is amazing. Where can I connect with her more? Where can

can find me at velvetlipssexed.

com

and then on all social media at velvetlipssexed, sex without the E

And we’ll link to those. So if people are like, what did she say? I can’t remember. We will put those in the show notes as well. So, um, thank you so much, Marla, for being here. Thank you, everyone, for listening and we will catch you next week.

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