16 Healing Through Seduction with Perle Noire
This is the ask a sex therapist podcast helping you change the way you look at sex. I’m Heather Shannon. And in a world full of sexual censorship, I’ll give you the raw truth about pleasure, intimacy in your relationships and enjoying your body, because it’s time for you to ask a sex therapist. All right, so welcome, everybody. This is my first guest episode recording, and I’m so excited. We are here with pearl Noir. So promouvoir is the black burlesque Queen known as mama Pearl and the burlesque community. She’s been blessed with a unique gift of embodying Josephine Baker, and healing an audience in a theater or in a classroom, a paragon of glitz and glamour, pearls, an intuitive healer, Creative Director, transformative coach and the creator of the healing through seduction program. She specializes in guided sensual touch, empowerment workshops, and burlesque inspired healing rituals. As a visionary. She is also an advocate for people searching for a community to reclaim their bodies, and reclaim control over their sensuality. So welcome, Pearl, I’m so excited to have you. Here, I’m really, really excited. So for anyone listening, Pearl and I met each other online through a publicity program that we’re in, and I was just like, Oh, here’s another sex positive person, like, let me reach out and we had a really nice conversation. And I just feel like, you know, we’re trying to do similar work in the world with people. And I’m just really glad that we get to connect and learn more about you. Yeah, I get your message out there a little bit. So. Okay, so we’re starting to get into the origin story of pearl Noir. So I would actually love to hear more about that. So how was Pearl noir born? So Pearl noir was born in New Orleans, and like 2003 I before that, around 2001, I moved to New Orleans from Las Vegas. I moved to Vegas when I was 19. And the quick backstory is, you know, I was the little girl from the ghetto who just knew that I had a bigger destiny than becoming a crackhead. Or you like that. Those were the like, inside. I was like, I love Lulu. I love any pearl. I love Michelle, I love my mom’s friends, but they are supposed to be doing okay, you know, you know, I was like, I don’t think I’m doing that. So I said, Well, I just knew I had this talent and I knew that I was supposed to go about and and heal the world through dance, even though I taught myself how to dance because there was no dance classes. So I taught myself how to dance by watching ballroom competition. You know, and so I said as soon as I graduate, I am getting out of here and I literally left after graduation after the ceremony. Wow, I moved an old tail. And I call it an old towel because the M was missing from Sinai. And it had and I’m going to age myself here mirth blue, wet carpet Smurf. Everyone The Smurfs? Very vivid imagery. Blue car, it was wet. Laurie. I don’t know why we met but I was not where I was supposed to be. To be independent. steppingstone. It was I was like, okay, and you know, I’m just going to tell you the whole or Well, I, you know, called my friend Dee. Let’s call her Dee. And I was like, Girl, Miss Alltel and she was like, Girl, this sounds terrible. come live with me and my girlfriend. And I. Okay, this is amazing. So either I’m there. We’re having the best weekend of my night. And then Monday comes in. This is what we’re up to drop the bomb. One. I won’t go too deep in it, but I’ll just quickly say I found myself tricked into prostitution. Oh, fuck. And I worked for the pimp in the family for like a weekend. For my sake, like immediately plotting the escape. Okay. I am not if I escaped to being a crackhead. I’m definitely nothing wrong with sex work, but it’s different when you choose it. yourself, right? Yes, I will consider myself a sex worker with the work I do now. Well, I said I gotta get out of here. I spoke to the moon. I was speaking to my ancestors. I was like, please help me figure out how to get to here. And I’m so anointed that the pimp let me go. Wow. She was like, I know you’re meant for a higher Our income Are you kidding me? I’m not kidding you a pimp send this to you. Oh, Pam said this to me. And this is my only the second time that I’ve ever spoken about it. My ancestors are like that you need to tell now. And so after dropped me off. I said okay, how are we getting out of here? So I saved a couple of $100 got my backpack, got on a Greyhound bus and said I’m going to be a show girl in Vegas with no training and no lead. So I can totally see this for you. The show girl moved to Vegas, you know didn’t get any gigs as a showgirl because I wasn’t I didn’t have the training, but I did. If the s caliber and I was like, Oh, I’m working at a castle, you know, Castle? Well my last year upsell was like I’ve made it I’ve arrived and I was a background dancer. That’s amazing. That is predate like, any kind of professional background. So your dancing gig with no training like you, you do this, like calling for it. So then September 11 happened and I said, Okay, girl, where are you going out New Orleans? Great. Let’s go there. For whatever reason, I ended up Well, the reason was I ended up crying, like connecting with an axe. And so that’s why I went. And when I was there, I was like, Okay, we’re going to work. So I found myself dancing for Jeannie hat productions, doing an all black burlesque musical. And while doing that, we’re less musical. That’s how I found out more about Josephine Baker and I could have sworn I felt her say you are the reincarnation of me. And you are meant to honor my legacy for the rest of your days. And so I said, Okay, I’m gonna do it. So I auditioned for another burlesque show, wow, after this musical run was over, and I went in, okay, with my hair slit, I said, I’m going to be Josephine Baker in this job. And I walked in and there was this beautiful black woman that was eight feet tall. And I said, that’s the choreographer. That’s the one I have to impress, okay. And only black woman, they’re all white. You know, and I say, Okay, so I’m sauntering, and I just so happen to fall into a middle split. Here, just really just out there. And so she was like, that’s the one. So they hired me for the show. And when I went into the first rehearsal, I mentally and spiritually told her, I’m Josephine Baker, my name is Pearl Noir. That’s what they used to call Josephine Baker. And that’s how to call me. And she said, Let’s have her do Josephine Baker, and let’s call her curl noir, and I would, excellent. So that is the origin story without verbalizing. Oh, my God, you guys, this is crazy. Okay, I feel like we’re getting into some very, like amazing magical energy. Okay, so now you’re in this amazing show in New Orleans, Pearl Noir is born. And you know, you’ve got like quite an audience. Now. You know, I feel like you’ve got like, a lot of people that you mentor. So like, how do you go from like, just starting out to where you’re at now? Because it’s pretty cool. And like, yeah, I follow you on Instagram, and I watch all your videos. And it just seems like you’re really, I don’t know, you’re really bringing something to people that does empower them. So yeah, how did you get there? Because I knew that I couldn’t disrespect my ancestors by being humble. And so how there was understanding the true definition of being humble. So when you look it up, it means to have low importance of yourself, right. And I just wasn’t going to dishonor myself. Now I want to focus on being kind. I want to focus on being grounded in gratitude. Focus on building the table, and then showing others how to build a table. Yeah, I have low importance. That is how we all get in trouble in our professional and personal. So I went in, I was like, I’m going to audition for whatever, and any opportunity that comes to me to take it. And of course, a lot of people didn’t like that they wanted me to pay my so called dues. And I was like, I’ve survived a pimp. I’ve been homeless several times. I had a rough childhood. Those are my dues. Right? And once we just let go of this concept of having to pay dues, and what if we just decide that we’re worthy? Exactly. And yeah, I decided that I was worthy. And then year after like doing this show and winning a competition at the burlesque Hall of Fame. Aunties who’s one of the most so yeah, well known. She went on to Winter and said, I think I’m gonna start doing the show and I’m gonna come in New Orleans, who do you think I should hire and when we met she said 90% of her fans say you gotta hire Pearl Noir. So Dita Von Teese brought me on, and you know, kind of had me do like an audition show. Okay, standing ovation, amazing and toured with her for about 10 years, years, oh, my God, will, she’s still someone that I contact whenever I’m starting something new, I still use her for support. And so of course, because of her reach, that’s how I got that fast track into it. But if I played small or if I decided to be humble, and let the trauma dictate, right, my opportunities, yep. And I would have said no, or if I would have listened to people who had been doing burlesque longer than I, like, it was their opportunity. And I politely said, but if it was your opportunity, she would have contacted you. This is factual. I feel as though I have to email confirming that it is in fact, my opportunity. Right? Right. Um, I, you know, if you read so many good points, they kind of were like, drive home for people. Because I do think we, you know, Marianne Williamson has that little thing too about, like, it’s not our darkness that we’re afraid of, but like our light, like really stepping into our power, right? And it is so true. And you know, so if you’re listening to this, I just want you to realize, like, go for it, like nothing terrible is gonna happen, you might feel sad, you might feel disappointed. But even like, one of the things I learned in my business journey is the same thing you’re talking about, like, just fucking go for it like, so what I used to do was like, go for something and be like, Oh, my God, it didn’t work. I have to go back and redo turtle shell. And now I have to like, make myself feel better. And then it’d be like a year later, I’d be like, Okay, I can try one more thing. And now it’s just like, go, go, go, go. Yeah, right, well, too, for people like us and your listeners, what we have to remember is that there may be one person moving on us to live in RTS, and that one person is then going to inspire millions. I know what the Lord has to be inspired first. Because yes, in the way you framed it about, like honoring your ancestors, I think is so beautiful, because it’s like, who are we to stand in our own way of helping other people, right, or of honoring people who, you know, had to go through some like really shitty stuff, or people who were so resilient that they did get through it. And then we were born because of that, you know? So it’s like to honor the history. And the future, I think is really important. So like, you know, I’ve done a little bit of business coaching with people too. And I’m just like, get out of your own way. Like, you need to go help people. Yes, it’s your obligation to just be the light and remembering to you know, I know that darkness and evil has a great press agent. Like the news, everything is going in that person’s favor that light, actually have more light in the world. But we can’t have access to it unless you step up and show that light. Yeah, like you have to be brave, you have to be vulnerable. And I think, you know, I talk a lot about building that inner security. I’m actually curious, like, where did you get this inner security? Did you always have it? I mean, I was the child. When I was around 11 My mother caught me sneaking back into the house late night and I window shut and told everyone in my family like she was sneaking out to see boys. And no one asked me what I was actually doing. And I was sneaking out to talk to Lily. literally the cutest one, like I love your 11 year old self. Wow. Talking, I mean, in the 43 year old Nino’s like yeah, maybe I don’t know if you should have been doing that. Like, sneaking out of the house late night talking to the moon. But that’s what I was doing. I think for me, I just was born deeply connected to whatever ancestral power and mission like I’m also I knew very young that I even picked my mother. Wow, that I was like, oh, no, I chose her though. Even though she you know, she’s a beautiful person. She’s a great aunt. But you know, I have to disconnect from her in order to do my work. I knew very early on that. I was like, I chose her though. That’s tough. That’s like an advanced level of healing. But I do want people to know that like that’s possible. You can just connect with love. You can be grateful you can realize that difficult experiences or relationships shaped you and you know, I’m trying to remember what the phrase is, but it’s kind of like our gifts come from our trauma in some ways and in real life. Isn’t that? Yeah, yeah, I in order to do this work that I do, I have to wake up and make a conscious decision to be a motherless daughter? Hmm, in order to do my work? Yeah, let’s talk more about your work to hear more about that, like, the, the healing through seduction is such a great title. And so I just want to understand like, what like, what does that mean? Like, what types of healing do people come to you for? And like, how do you help them. So a lot of women, and femmes come to me when they want to reconnect to their body, like if they’ve lost weight, or they’ve gained weight. Or if they are, you know, having that moment where they are comfortable in their five storey home, when you’re feeling lost, because they know that they left their artistic dreams behind, you know, or they’re the mother of three, and they’re taking their children to dance class, but they’re not going to dance class anymore. Me when they know that they’ve abandoned their creativity, right, because I use that burlesque element as a healing modality, I use the movement as a healing modality. And then also women who feel like they want to redefine intimacy, you know, see that they know they used to have this sensuality, and somehow that sensual woman has been silenced. You know, it’s always easy to blame society, but we have more accountable. Yeah, society doesn’t come in our house. may try to but we have to also own that even if it was society, we have become complicit with what society tried to teach us. And we have a choice, if we want to deconstruct what we Yeah, I thought. So what I also specialize in as well is usually they are coming to me after trauma, if they’re fit, okay, on binary person, they’re coming to me, you know, I get a lot of people who have understood and realize that they’re a woman, to me to have a place to tap into that. I love that. And what I what I teach and why you seduction is because you know, a lot of us, when we fall in love with people, we fall in love with their trauma first getting ourselves that same grace, when we think about our own trauma, or our meetings or memories from the past, you know, we look at this person, they’re pouring their heart out to us about things they’ve been through, and we’re like, oh, I just love this person, and I’m gonna be the person to lift him up and show them that that doesn’t matter. So seduce yourself in that. So be seduced by your own trauma, then, you know, when working out, nurturing yourself or self care, I think people are like, Oh, self love, I’m rolling my eyes at it. Because I don’t want to fake affirmations. I would do bubble baths. And I’m like, well, first of all, let’s dive deep into why you think speaking to yourself kindly, is fake. So that will be an indicator that you are not seducing yourself enough. And so I have a solution for you. Okay, you don’t want to do the fake affirmations. Then think about saying romantic poetry to yourself? You know, you don’t want to say the affirmations, then let’s dance them out. Right? That’s a fascinating concept. So all of my choreography, when I used to perform or less, they were moving affirmations, I never did it as a 12345678. I didn’t. I love my beautiful brown skin. I belong for my ancestors. Right? So I was seducing my own self, healing myself from like internalized racism, using burlesque as a space to finally have full autonomy over my body, what I show how I show it, where I show it, and being seduced by my own boundaries, and the gift of self consent, and just standing in my own power. So when I say healing through seduction, what I’m really saying is, here’s an opportunity to heal yourself, the way you heal other people with kindness and grace. And here’s an opportunity to use things like self guided sensual touch to your boundary setting with yourself first. So that way, it’s easier to set boundaries with other people. What I’m saying is, here’s an opportunity to connect to yourself a bit deeper. Let’s do some body mapping. Let’s figure out if you can touch your collarbone it feel a sensation in your clitoris. Let’s find intimacy so that you understand that you are worth this intimate way of life where you don’t have the pressure of giving or receiving an orgasm. Anytime you want to connect. You may not actually want to have sex. Have some intimacy with it you have to heal the part of you that has decided that seduction is something evil. Seduction means you’re being tricked. And seduction only happens with someone else. I hope. Yeah, that, Oh, you did a great job answering that. I mean, I think it was that’s like, really what you’re describing is a gorgeous thing. You know, and I think it’s something that most of us don’t even think about, like, I don’t think that enters our brainwaves most of the time, so I’m just like, excited that now it will enter the listeners brainwaves has been planted. Like it’s in there. Now you guys, you’ve already heard it. So it’s in there, it’s floating around, it’s gonna work. Who knows what’s gonna happen now it’s grow. That’s what it’s gonna, it’s gonna grow. I want to hear stories of like, how y’all are seducing yourselves. It’s a beautiful thing to think about. And you know, one of the ways that I tell people to start it is to understand one that you have to give yourself grace, that you’re in the infancy stage of thinking about healing. And think about the fact that we don’t judge babies, for eating with them. We don’t judge babies for crawling get we are obsessed with judging ourselves every time it’s time for us to evolve. So every time we have a new transition, everyone, you have to start over again. And I want us to revel in that because it’s a luxury to evolve. Yeah, it’s fascinating that you’re talking about this because I have a recorded episode that will be released on Monday, this same some of the same things with different words. So I talked about like animals and how they’re so comfortable, and there’s no self consciousness and, you know, the Buddhist concept of like, beginner’s mind and just like wipe the slate clean of all this, like negative stuff that we’ve been taught. And so yeah, I feel like we’re really on the same page now. Yeah, but it’s exciting, I think just to think about what’s possible. And like hearing you talk about the self seduction, I really liked the idea of it of it not just being words. You know, I think one of the limitations of talk therapy, which is, you know, my background is that it’s you, we can meet our heads, you know, and I think even with just doing an affirmation, it’s kind of like, it’s like, if it doesn’t seep into your body, it’s hard to fully know it, and it’s hard to like, fully make the changes you’re trying to make. So I love that idea of like, bringing it into the body. Yeah, it’s so important. And, you know, I started my journey, thinking about the physical body. Like how I also don’t judge my physical body for wanting food. Hmm, aka nourishment, aka seduction. Hmm, action is nourishment. When we’re seduced by other people, it’s because we feel comfortable with how they see us. They’re nurturing us in some way. And so our bodies we know that it needs to eat several times a day, we need to get the food we need to give it water, but we don’t go dammit body like you’re hungry again. We just don’t think some of us do. You know? We know we want to dive. Right? Right. And we also love nurturing our body with food, we love to eat, we love drinking, it was pleasure there like why? So it’s like, right, so learn how to have pleasure and healing your mental, like the emotional, the spiritual, the essential, you have to learn how to find that pleasure in that as well. And understanding if the body needs to be nurtured several times a day, what in the world makes you think taking yourself on one day or doing a bubble bath every five years? Is enough. It’s not going to work. So you know, one easy way to to start this and I did it is anytime I was hungry or thirsty. That’s when I romanced myself. Oh, fascinating, you know, so I do it. And I still do. So I do it all together. So can I ask like, what are some of your practices that you do on a regular basis to seduce yourself? Yes. So one thing I do is I tell my inner child that I love her all throughout the day, because I know that that is the one who’s afraid. You know, that’s the one who needs the nourishment. That’s the one who’s abandoned. And so I’m just like throughout the day, love you. Proud of you, really giving myself pep talks. I do a lot of slow movement as well. Just like really taking my time walking around the house. I also like to give myself like an extra hour or two to just lay in the bed. Explore my body before I get to work because I think connect to for a lot of people. If they have somewhere at 10am they may get up at nine or eight and it’s straight to work and yeah While you’re disconnected, if you started in your day, nurturing and seducing other people, I mean, you, this is so important. Like, I want people to understand that this is like, this stuff will change your life. And you know, actually, if you let it, it’ll change. Yeah, instantly, but we’re more addicted to pain than pleasure. And that’s why, you know, we may watch news for 10 hours straight telling us same terrible story. Oh, please stop watching the news, everyone’s you know, but we’ll tell ourselves, oh, I don’t have time to take that dance class, that’s only an hour, right? Time to work with Heather Shannon, just I don’t have the time. It’s like, right, you know. So that’s the other thing that I use myself is I’m very mindful of what kind of energy that I consume. And I do, you know, take my time, activating like, my groin area, acknowledging my hips a lot under there is the source of life between my thighs. So a lot of times to I’ll do like pelvic rocking exercises, engage that central energy, not with the intent of having an orgasm, as a reminder of as a woman. The reason why that feminine energy is always condemned is because it’s so powerful. So I just did do some myself, I retraining my mind because, you know, when I was young, I already had a decomp Id like 11. And so I was already taught that I needed to cover you know, and I’m you all these, that the men around me and reduce myself by reframing. While all these thoughts that weren’t true in in, you know, I just really offer myself a lot of grace. I also seduced myself by allowing myself to honor every emotion, right? So when we are surrounded by other people, what do people say when they’re falling in love? I just feel like I can be myself. So I let myself be myself. In front of myself, I cry. Yeah, thing. I cry when I masturbate. I cry for the, you know, the orgasms, I cry all the time, too. And I think it’s during amount of when I’m masturbating to saw write down the things that I want to bring into my life, and really think about having an orgasmic life. So that’s how I, you know, seduce myself on a regular basis. I love that. And you mentioned a bunch more things there that I think are important for people to realize, like that idea that as women, we need to like not be too sexual or not be too in our sexual energy, or not dress a certain way so that people with a bunch of testosterone can manage themselves. And so it’s actually kind of codependent behavior. It’s like, it’s not our job to manage someone else. Thank you. So I just want everyone to realize that because I don’t think we even know some of this stuff is so internalized. And I’m sure for me as well, right? It’s like we’re all on this journey. With some of these like, negative, you know, sexual messages is so internalized that we don’t even realize it’s an issue. Yes. And so yeah, as like, as people are listening to you, I’m sure some of them being like, Oh, yeah. We always think about like, oh, and society, and the patriarchy did this. And it’s like, Yes, but what you have to realize and accept to truly heal some of these things, is a lot of the things that are hindering us and stopping us come from our family dynamics, or teachers at school, you know, in then you have to really think about what did I learn growing up that is not allowing me to be who I want to be in society to be who I won’t be my own home? Yes, there’s all these things, you know, that are a factor, why we’re afraid to seduce ourselves, you know, why we’re Yeah, be kind to ourselves, why we are seeking emotional surrogates every day of the week. And it’s because you know, even if we had a healthy childhood with parents who were very supportive, we are still taught that we have to have a good job to survive. We’re still you know, taught, you know, when you want to get married, you want to have children, there somewhere down the line where we were taught that, in order to matter, though, in order to be successful, you got to seduce the people reading the application to get into the you have to seduce the person who’s interviewing you interviewing you for the job. You have to seduce someone into saying I do. Yes. I mean, and then I think we get into abandoning ourselves because we’re so busy seducing everyone else. Yes. And so that’s, you know, seduce yourself. You know, the seduction, because people hear the healing and then they hear seduction in my business title in it, they are afraid. Yeah. And it’s like, you know, we want to also redefine what healing means us healing does not have to be be an indicator or indication that something is wrong. It just means our spiritual, mental, emotional, seductive, self is hungry. There’s an owl, and it’s time to feed it. And if you’re white, you should be healing all the time. And I love what you’re saying too, about, like, healing doesn’t have to be painful. Because I think especially as a therapist, sometimes people are like, I don’t want to go feel all my. Like, it’s gonna hurt, you know. And so I do try to bring some like laughter and like lightness and like, also some, there’s rewards that come with this work was not all pain. Yes, you’re gonna probably have to feel some painful emotions at some point. Like, I don’t really think there’s a healing path that completely circumvents that. But like, you know, it’s not the whole path. It’s not the only thing that’s happening here. And there’s like, so many rewards that like, when we’re not running away from our emotions. That’s freedom. Yeah, it is. And we just have to be patient and calm because we were taught to most of us, you know, you’re young, oh, don’t cry, right? Oh, you give someone a gift, and they start crying. People usually say, oh, no, don’t cry, and right. That that is the best reaction they can have. Part of the pain, in my opinion, as someone who has a therapist as well, and a whole, the whole team to make sure I’m able to do my work, it’s hardly as painful because we just been taught as you just said that it’s painful. 100% every emotion, we think the only emotion that we are comfortable honoring is own through an orgasm, or anger. Or if someone dies, you can be sad, but only for three days. Oh, if you’re lucky. Like it’s it’s absurd. Like, the way we relate to our emotions in society is absurd. And I think just if we can even realize that, and I know, it’s like, that’s my frickin job. Right? You know, and a lot of levels is helping people with like, you know, emotional and psychological things. And I’m still working on it, you know, I’m still catching myself being like, hard on myself when I have a certain emotion or holding myself to kind of a perfectionistic standard. And so I think that’s like, all it is, is like just having those moments of realization of like, Oh, I see this pattern. And instead of being like, Oh, why do I still have this pattern to just be like, okay, like, can I be compassionate with myself with this pattern? And can I be grateful that I realized this pattern so like, now I’m more empowered to work with it. And you know, I’d love to offer this to to anyone who may tasteless and you know, the thing is, who says, We’re not supposed to have any of those thoughts? Our bodies tell us, hey, it’s time to go release some toxins. And we just go to the bathroom, release them. We’ll say, Dan, like what you’re doing having some toxic energy, again, we just understand that it’s the natural flow. Well, the toxic thought or the toxic memory, or you’re not being kind to yourself is not an indication that you haven’t healed from whatever’s coming. It’s not an indication that you’re not on the right path. It’s just hard to release the toxins, right? Like you’re just a human and the emotions it you know, emotions could be considered a sixth sense. But you know, it’s like I think of them as like little messengers that we can either like banish them and not hear any of the messages. Or we can like honor them, acknowledge them, listen to the messages, and then they pass a lot faster. are welcomed them I welcomed every emotion. I dance with my doubt, I dance so amazing. I honor the imposter syndrome. So amazing that that makes me more qualified, not less qualified. 200% my job? Absolutely. You know, and sometimes they think is a therapist, people think like, Oh, you just like have it all together. You figure it out? Like no, but also that’s not the goal. The goal? Yeah, let’s just like reframe entirely. What would you say to somebody who is just not feeling very sexy? You know, maybe like you said, they, they’ve gained weight, they’ve lost weight their bodies different after having a baby, you know, their hormones, feel out of whack whatever’s going on? Like, what would you do with that person? So this comes up a lot. Everything’s my own body as an example. So I, at the start of the pandemic, is when I decided to kind of have that strong boundary with my mom, you know, it’s like, hey, we can connect once you’re ready to do X, Y, and Z, and ended up gaining about 60 to 80 pounds because I had the luxury to gain weight. So it was a luxury to be able to nurture my body through food at the time. You know, having my southern flu you’re not disconnected from my mother. Other people in my family did not agree with that, even though they know how hard it is for me, you know, they take her side. And so comfort myself with the southern food, you know, and myself that’s Other in comfort from my family, even though they couldn’t do it. So, and now my body is saying, Okay, now I want to be nurtured through movement. And so the weight will eventually go off. But I won’t be doing like the comparison of look at the weight that I’ve lost because these, this 200 pound girl, and the 130 pound curl are bones powerful. Sexiness is the embodiment of you living your truths. And what I teach is how to get away from being performative. There’s no way to be sexy, right? As however you’re feeling so if you gain that weight, you can honor that you don’t like it, you can have a positive relationship with your body, while also wanting to change it. So some things in my opinion, body positivity has the right to be negative. You so you’ve Interesting, yeah. Next thing by not judging that you don’t like what you see, and being that but then telling yourself the truth. Think about any artists or anyone who’s inspired you or anyone that you love, go back when you saw them and they gained weight, think about your own thoughts, chances are high, you’ve had no thoughts, chances are you look them just the same, right. And so then it goes back to less practice and understanding is a practice to offer to ourselves when we offer to others. And then when my another thing when women come to me, and they’re like, I just don’t feel sexy, this is where the boundaries and the self consent comes in. So you do not have to put it on for yourself. This is maybe your season as a tree, when it’s still and there are no leaves to dance in the wind. But that tree is still a tree. And that tree still honors itself in its roots, knowing that there will be a time when the leaves will come back. And they will dance with the wind, which was so beautiful and poetic. Like, you just did poetry. I love that though. And it goes back to the emotional piece of just allowing, you know, and I totally relate to, you know, I gained some weight when I moved here, and probably just the transition and not knowing people and the stress. And I love that idea of just allowing that, like, that was something I did at that time. And maybe I needed to do and maybe it’s a luxury to be able to do that, like you said on a lot of levels. And that you’re allowed to go through transitions and different phases. And, you know, I I think of sexuality or feeling sexy also as an energy. Because you can you can see it and other people too. You know, it’s like it’s not about a body type, or fitting some kind of mold or an age or any of that, you know, you know, some of our most iconic sex symbols. And this thing too. If you’re wanting to feel more sexy, be more open and honest with yourself. Because remember, you don’t have to be perfect, you just have to be honest. And so when I think of you know, people, like let’s say a Marilyn Monroe just or knows her, you know, the sexiness came from the vulnerability. So be more vulnerable with yourself. And then you will start to feel more sexy and desirable, as you’re allowing yourself to be open. And again, when you’re feeling sexy, you are engaging in an intimate act with someone else. Or when we are watching erotic films, it’s the people who we know for a fact are just letting go. And not thinking about how their body is moving or what their face is doing. And we find pleasure in watching them just embody themselves. Because I think we recognize that like authenticity and alignment is just being like true. You know, if I can give everyone one thing, just Yes, the sexiness is the embodiment of you living in your truth and we you are not feeling sexy. You heal yourself through seduction by honoring boundaries with yourself and self. Yeah, that’s awesome. I also wanted to ask you about because I know you work with people of all races and genders and ages. But what does it mean to you to you know, work with the black community, especially around these topics? Oh, my goodness, thank you. So healing the seduction? You know, I did my first session with five women on Skype. And they were all you know, white women. And that’s who used to come to my burlesque classes. For the most part, there’d be a few black women. And when I got the assignment during the pandemic, you know, I had a divination from my priestess. And like, yes, your ancestors are, you know, wanting you to perform Berlin. Ask in a new way. Now it’s going to be the workshops now it’s going to be key. No, it’s not it’s going to be, well, the keynote revelation came just recently. But just like you got to reach new heights, and I said, Okay, so I have to devote all of my energy just to healing through seduction. And so it is like letting go ritual of like the pearl noir who was touring Europe, touring Australia, going to Asia, and understanding that, that that’s the equivalent, you know, I’m putting my banana straight down. At one point, Josephine Baker, had to put the banana skirt down. And then she found herself being the only woman to speak at the March on Washington. And so I said, Let’s honor this. And then I did a ritual, I use some come to me oil, which is huge news for lovers. But I said, I really want more black women to come. And now they are the majority of the women in class. And it means so much to see my reflection. And to help myself and other black women were turned to our ancestral power that was turned into a Jezebel trope as a way to manipulate and gaslight us into believing, you know, that our sexual power, us walking around topless and dancing to heal for everything was the savage act not failing, and, you know, violating and kidnapping, right, the manipulation, and it’s so deep, because then it was like, your, we’re gonna kidnap you, and do these things to you and tell you, it’s your fault. And then we’re going to introduce you to our religion. And in our religion, it even states that we have the right to own you. And now we’re going to tell you your Jezza bill, so that you go through life, never having access to the medicine, in your hips, to the medicine between your thighs, to the medicine of your breast, I think our ancestors are just coming through in such a powerful way. And asking us to return to the music to the dance to the topless Miss to the freedom to the uninhibited spirituality and power. And I feel very honored and grateful. I’m very aware that I was born to bring the people in and I’m not you know, it’s not that I’m healing black women, I’m just reminding them of their own medicine. I love it so much. I mean, because as healers and helpers, like we can’t do it for people, you know, but we can plant the seeds, we can offer guidance, we can be there support them, we can hold space, you know, and I love that you’re doing that. And I appreciate you talking about that. That idea that really resonated with me of like, sexuality being this very, like natural, kind of like innocent pure thing that has been manipulated. It really has, you know, it really it really has and I just, I just wake up so I’m excited because every day I’m looking at a woman or feminine person where launch Ray, you know and in my group classes, you know everybody the women come in the femmes come and non binary people come on understanding that, but we are going to regardless of your gender, we are honoring, being a woman today, what that means, and they come into the studio, and then they all go to change and they come back and they’ve got their like boudoir they look like they’re from a Hollywood set. They’ve got their lustres on they’ve got their full makeup, their courses. And we’re just having the time of our lives. And I just cannot explain how amazing it is. This is the person who grew up being told she was not worthy, you know, didn’t deserve anything. Now I’m the person that gets to witness people returning to themselves. And I’m just so grateful. That’s amazing. So tell people where they can find you. I feel like you know, I’m like hooked already. So, so how do you help people? Where can they find you? What should they do? Well, I would say of course I have my website black burlesque queen, but I always suggest that people go to my Instagram first that way you see the other people who come to my class, see who identify with them. You can see there are many testimonials there. And you know one of the things I love to do is give people you know access to one of my recordings or my free nice first one As I don’t offer a traditional burlesque class, it certainly is not a traditional healing class. Yes, I think they should know that by now. This is a good fit for you. So I’ll say please come over to my Instagram, which is the pearl noir, T H, E, T E R L, E, N O R E, and we will put that in the show notes too. Thank you. And I also have monthly helianthus, seduction, burlesque intensives. The next one is March 25, and 15. And this is a four hour intensive where we come in, bring everybody in the first 330 minutes is just everyone getting settled. And then we go through the boundaries and consent. Nice, okay. And then I let everyone know one more time what’s going on that way, if they’d like to leave, they can. And then we start with one of my healing to seduction rituals to get you sorted. So for instance, one of the things that I might ask you to do is write a love letter to yourself, but not with a pen and paper, we’re going to take our finger, and that is the wand in the pin. And then we’re going to write on our body, right, because our bodies also store memories. And we’re going to write our institution and a love letter to ourselves before we start, and then I will teach a dance. But it will not be like a burlesque dance or choreography. I’ll teach a burlesque inspired ritual through movement, we will do those affirmations to movement will redefine intimacy, we will reconnect will reclaim right our narrative and experience a rebirth. And then we’ll take a break to have like some lunch, maybe a little champagne, come back, go through the movements one more time, nice little sister healing circle, and then bringing everybody back down. And what I like to do during that time is like essential Reiki. And then also I open up the windows in the space so that we can then release the energy. So everybody can go home with their own energy, and then have our final grounding exercise and then do a q&a pictures. And then we all go back into the world. You know, having a little more, you know? Because I do think sexual energy is lifeforce energy, you know, and I think that’s what you’re saying is like, you just walk around with more of that energy, just like go about your normal daily tasks. So in those workshops, you’re in New York, right? I am in New York City, okay. Yes, yes. Yeah. And cool. I feel so honored by 90% of the people who come fly in amazing that you guys do need to check out her Instagram because it is different than typical burlesque. I love some of the slowness of what you do, because I think there’s so much hustle culture. And that’s something that I’m kind of working to let go right now. And it’s just like to embrace the luxury of slowness. And I teach the burlesque the way I performed it, I became a burlesque upon because I was the only one that everyone understood. Oh, she’s doing rituals up there. I mean, grown men would cry during my performances. Oh, my God, probably. It’s wild. Yeah, but very cool. Yeah. So teach us how I performed it. Mm hmm. That’s so cool. So I mean, I think you guys can have a sense of pearls energy by now. So go check her out. Thank you so much, especially just for being like my first guest, and I’m doing a recording with this was amazing. Your energy is so good. I love what you’re all about. And I’m just happy that we’re able to share this with people. So thank you so much. I appreciate you so so so much, I can’t even thank you. All right, bye, guys. We’ll catch you next week. Are you feeling stuck or shameful and your sex life, you can have an authentic and pleasurable sex life, and it doesn’t have to be a huge downer to figure it out. Through my holistic coaching program, you’ll become a pro at sexual communication. Get clear on what does it for you in the bedroom. Learn how to manage libido and become more confident and comfortable in your skin than ever before. Go to Heather shannon.co. Again, that’s Heather shannon.co and click Apply to get started. I can’t wait to work with you
