020 Shattering Stigma: Life with Herpes Featuring Alexandra Harbushka
I know testing for herpes can be a little bit tricky because like I when I was dating the guy I was like, Well, let me get tested first and see what do I already have? You know, because I was aware somewhat that I’m like, I know I have you know, oral herpes. We don’t know if it’s HSV one or HSV two, because either virus can be in either location right? Exactly. It can be either location. It can be you can have HSV, two oral you can have HSV, two genital, you can have HSV, one oral and HSV, two genital HSV. One general and right now our teenagers and 20s are getting genital HSV. One they’re getting cold sores, oral herpes down there. Okay.
This is the ask a sex therapist podcast, helping you change the way you look at sex. I’m Heather Shannon, and in a world full of sexual censorship. I’ll give you the raw truth about pleasure, intimacy in your relationships and enjoying your body because it’s time for you to ask a sex therapist. Hey, everybody, welcome back. I am very excited today. I have Alexandra her Bushka I hope I’m saying that right. You said it perfectly. Thank you with us today. And Alexandra has a show called Life with herpes. And that’s kind of what we’re going to talk about today. So I’m excited to loop you guys in. Here’s her official introduction. Alexandre her Bush goes life was sent into upheaval when she received a call from her doctor diagnosing her with herpes, shaking, feeling like her life, her goals, happiness and desires had all just gone up in smoke. She was left scared shitless and with a new mission to share her story with people just like her and to let them know that their feelings are normal, natural and that they’re not victims. With that mission in mind. She founded life with her BS and online community consisting of a podcast a website, YouTube channel wellness products to support the skin condition and an online community that provides support all dedicated to shattering the stigma of living with herpes before founding life with herpes and becoming a mother to her son Clinton and a wife to her husband, Bill Alexander worked in corporate America with roles ranging from Ralph Lauren to selling new home construction to being a mortgage loan officer. Her education includes a bachelor degree from the University of Arizona. They’re down to my fellow Wildcat she says yes, a postgraduate certificate in ministry, and is currently working on a master’s in theology. Damn girl. She’s also an ordained minister and provides ministry counseling. All right, well, that’s quite a fascinating bio, and I love it all over. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, I mean, my undergrads in finance so like, I’m with you. It’s hard like the career changing legit legit. I mean, if we just didn’t stick with it, it probably be different but we didn’t stick with it. We’ve kind of gone all over the place. I think we moved in a good direction going from the boring stuff to more interesting stuff. Well, stuff that interests us right and stuff that was almost brought to us like I you obviously felt a calling to talk about what you’re talking about. I felt the calling to support people living with herpes. It just fell on my lap. Yeah, actually love the combination you have of like, kind of the theology ministry stuff and like talking about sex and genitals. Totally. But like, yeah, and that’s why is because so many people associate sex with shame. Yeah, even in my coursework, you know, we have we’ve had a talk about sex and intimacy and things like that. And people in my classes will say no sex is between a husband and a wife for procreation that I get lit up, right. And it goes back to we can bring in religion to this. Someone told someone told someone told someone and it’s been generational. Well, sex is bad sex shameful. And you should only have sex in a marriage, and yada, yada, yada, right? And so it doesn’t say it anywhere in the Bible that like you’re gonna get herpes if you’re a bad party, like all these things, right? So a lot of times people will associate having herpes with Well, I’m being punished by God, or I’m being punished or behavior. And I’m like, it doesn’t say it anywhere in there. So no, I’m pretty sure that doesn’t help. It’s not how it works. It’s just a virus in science. Right? It’s a numbers I when I say numbers game, at some point, it’s a numbers game in the sense that majority of the population has herpes. And so it’s pretty much inevitable. I have oral herpes, okay. Yeah. So it’s inevitable not to come in contact with somebody like you cannot not come in contact with it. Right, but I do. I do think it’s interesting. How having oral herpes people, we’ll just call it like cold sores. Unless you’re yours. Yeah. And my sister in law who likes to say that she has herpes. But it’s like, why do we kind of downplay one and like, emphasize the other you know, shame goes back to shame has to do with sex goes back to scarlet letter. You know, all those made up, I just, you know, which I’m so glad would you get I don’t have to tell you that. It’s like what we decided is okay or not okay, it’s all just made up. So like, let’s quit. Being weird and making our lives more difficult. My feeling but the part of the reason I want to have you on anyways was I dated somebody with herpes for a couple of months, and did for other reasons. Also just I’ve had a handful of clients over the years who are just like, Oh my God, I feel so much shame. And I’m single, and how do I date with this and no one’s gonna ever want to date me. But not everyone felt that way. Some people were just like, I take Valtrex and it’s fine. Or I take you know, lysine or something, and I manage it. And it’s so rare. It’s like a non issue. But other people were like, Oh, my God, like how am I going to bring this up, and it was a real, like, shame spiral type of thing. So well, and you bring up such an excellent point is you have oral herpes, and it’s not an issue. When you get it genitally, it becomes a different issue. And the silly thing is when you look at it, and you take a step back and look at it, it’s the same thing. It’s just a matter of where you have it and it can still be sexually transmitted, regardless of having oral herpes or genital herpes, right? I know. And so yeah, people with oral herpes living their best life dating, not thinking I think about it, not thinking about disclosing not thinking about any of that. Nor do they know they need to disclose. And boom, you have people with genital herpes that are like what you said, My life is over? How am I going to move on? How is anybody ever gonna date me? I would be literally mortified if anybody found out. I know. So how do you make the decision, instead of like, I’m just gonna sit in like a little shame spiral the rest of my life, my life is over. So like, I’m just gonna actually like make this my career now and talk about it a lot. I did sit in a shame spiral. I call it the phase we all know er, and Winnie the Pooh is the rain cloud over him. You know, he’s just depressed. And I was there. I was there for two years. And I stayed there for two years. And I was turning 30. And I thought, I can’t go into my 30s Like this, like I’m wasting the, you know, some beautiful, precious time in my life. And I’m wasting it just being in an ER phase. And you know, every day it was gloomy, even though it wasn’t gloomy, and every and in that phase, everything piles on. So, you know, herpes was the straw that broke the camel’s back. But then everything piles on. So I get I was turning 13 I’m like, I can’t keep this up. So I figured out how to get out of the ER phase, I figured out how to navigate through that. And I can get into that story in a second. But when I was first diagnosed, my dear dear friend said to me, she’s like, look, you can either be a fighter and you can, you know, help other people in your situation. Or you could do nothing about it. And you’re definitely a fighter. So you’ll figure out a way. And when she was this friend, when she told me this out, you know, we were driving again, we’re in our 20s We’re on our way to the bars, like and I remember thinking like, oh my gosh, there’s no way there’s no way I could have this conversation with anybody. There’s no way. Now back in 2011. We didn’t have the ability to do what we’re doing right now. podcasts were out there. But like really hard to record a podcast, Facebook groups didn’t exist. Instagram was really in its infancy. You know, you we didn’t have video calls. We didn’t have FaceTime on our iPhones, like all this stuff. It didn’t exist. And so thank goodness, we have technology that now allows us to share this message. So it was in 2017. I was at a podcast conference, which was where? Where we met? Yeah, yeah. And I was at a podcast for the same one. And I was asked to speak and I got on stage and shared and I never shared to the public or any just to partners, and I shared that I have genital herpes. And it was terrifying. It was I mean, I was shaking, terrifying the whole thing. Wow. And so I did. And I realized that so many people came up to me, they either said I have it too. And I’ve never told anybody or I don’t have herpes, but I have my story of something else, which we all get a story. And we all let that shameful story, be a handicap and hold us back. Really the story is, or whatever it happens is really our opportunity to fight through it and learn it and get through it. We’re not given opportunities, we can’t succeed. And just we’re not meant to fail. I agree with that, too. I think I’m more recently coming to that conclusion. Like, I think things are a lot easier than we realize. And most of us just mental drama. And it’s like if we’ve learned how to get out of our own way. It’s like miraculous things are possible in our own way. Yeah, yeah. And I appreciate you kind of generalizing this a little bit too, because I’m sure I mean, you would know the stats better, but it’s a huge number, like percent of the population that has one of the two herpes viruses, right? Yes. So I mean, and that’s the thing, people are not tested for herpes, so I don’t know how they get accurate stats. I guarantee you if they tested everybody, it would come back like some astronomical number like 80% or something like that. Well, yeah, so well. 67% of the population have HSV one. Oh, really? Just that one, okay. Again, I bet it’s higher because is how? Yeah, I bet it’s higher because I have personal friends family members that have it and they never been tested for it. Yeah, well, that’s true, right? So like, they’re not included in that statistic. I’ve been tested for it, I know I have it, and 13% have HSV. Two. So when you bring that together, that’s roughly 80% of the population, which I think is more, but 80% is living with herpes. So, you know, we have this mindset that like, oh, well, you, I know why you have herpes, because like you’re promiscuous, or that person you dated clearly a disaster. And that’s why you have it right. And really, that one person has an 80% chance, right? That’s what I’m saying. Like, first of all, I don’t care how many sexual partners anyone say I like, go do your thing, whatever. But it also like it only takes having sex with one person or even just oral sex. Exactly. And I can’t tell you, I mean, again, yes, at some point, like, if you have sex with 100 people, you’re obviously at a higher risk. And if you had sex, why, clearly, however, that one person has such a high chance, you know, I have so many people that have been married or in monogamous relationships, and all of a sudden it pops up, they will never died. One of the is fascinating. And you don’t think it’s like cheating involved? Correct. It happens all the time. And of course, I don’t know exactly every relationship. But it does happen often enough that the virus can be dormant for decades. And so if we’re not getting tested for herpes, that’s not included in our STD STI panels. This is like so much important information that you’re sharing. Like, I want everyone to be like it’s not included in your panels. It’s not included. It can be dormant for years. And it doesn’t mean your spouse is cheating. So just FYI, everyone. Correct. So yeah, it can be dormant like I have this I love to share this story. And it just it helps put in perspective. Again, we have the idea that it’s promiscuity or deviant lifestyle or careless behavior, things of that that nature. And there was a woman that came to me and her mother was diagnosed with genital herpes at 80. And she had been widowed for 15 years. And she had been married. Yeah, she’d been married for 50 years and monogamous for 50 years. So here you have an 80 year old woman going like where did the research you didn’t have a lover? I know I mean, but according to the daughter, you right, may or may not know. Yes. Like how did this happen? And I said, well, either your mom picked it up before she met your dad, right? Oh, wow. Or your dad picked it up before he met your mom. He either knew he had it or didn’t know he had it like period, the end and your mother picked it up at least 15 years ago. And it just now showed up. So it goes to show you this is not because I talked to people in their 60s. I talked to people in their 70s very few in their 80s. But it’s become a big thing, post divorce, because you get through that whole childbearing of like birth control, birth control, birth control all that. And we think that the young or the promiscuous, and you know, you got to worry about STDs. And when you’re in your 50s, let’s say are like, so far past that. I had a lot of newly divorced people with their first relationship. Yeah. Okay. And I work with people 50s and 60s who are dating and, you know, right, it doesn’t mean you’re immune to anything, just because you’re older. You know, it’s like, the pregnancy concern is very separate than the STI concern. But I think so many people think, okay, if I’m doing it the right way, if I’m using a condom, or I’m with one person, that I’m not gonna get it, if I’m monogamous, I’m not going to get it. And so you don’t think about STDs. And what we don’t realize is STDs can be different in men and women and I’m not talking about herpes. I’m speaking about other ones. And I’m not an expert, in other words, but they can be dormant and they can look different different symptoms from men and women. Yeah, and I mean, I think I might actually have my primary care person on to talk about some of the testing options that are available for like other ones, but I know testing for herpes can be a little bit tricky, because like I when I was dating the guy, I was like, Well, let me get tested first and see what do I already have? You know, because I was aware somewhat that I’m like, I know I have, you know, oral herpes. We don’t know if it’s HSV one or HSV two, because either virus can be in either location, right? Exactly. It can be either location, it can be you can have HSV, two oral you can have HSV, two genital, you can have HSV, one oral and HSV, two genital HSV. One general and right now our teenagers and 20s are getting genital HSV. One, they’re getting cold sores, oral herpes down there. Are the sores actually different like the No, no, they’re basically look the same. They do the same thing. Now that’s a really great question about the source. They can appear in a couple of different ways, but it’s not going to say like oh, because it’s oral herpes, it’s going to look one way and genital herpes is going to look a different way. But that herpes blister can appear in one blister, a cluster or paper cut, paper cut interesting. So you have a lot of women a lot of times so you get sometimes flu like symptoms. times you, you feel like you’re you have the flu and you go to the doctor and you’re like, I don’t know what’s going on, I have the flu. And then the doctor does an exam. And they’re like, you know, a little paper cut down here. And they look and like, well, that’s herpes. And people don’t assume that it’s, it’s a herpes outbreak. It’s not what you see on Google. Interesting. So okay, so I kind of let’s go backwards a little bit. I kind of want to know, how did you get over the shame spiral? Like, what did you do to work through that in those couple years? Right. So again, I was turning 30, I was still dating the guy that I got herpes from. And I stayed with him because I was just scared. I thought I had to settle. And it wasn’t the right relationship for either one of us. It became toxic. But I stayed because I didn’t, I was scared. I didn’t know how to get out. So I decided again, 30 I can’t I can’t keep this up. So I moved locations as like new house. New environment number one, I moved number two, I started really spending time in the self help and the spiritual and understanding, being able to process emotions, being able to process and speaking kindly to yourself and not beating yourself up. I started working on love. I realized that once I was diagnosed with herpes, I shut down love, like, there was no love in my life. I couldn’t watch movies like, you know, like bridesmaids, or like How to Lose a Guy in 10 days. Any of those, I would just be pissed off, I would cry. I was angry. I was like, This is not good. So I worked on that. I also worked on my health, I worked on acted acupuncture, I cleaned up my diet. I did all sorts of things like that. And one of the things in order to put love in my body and this can sound silly, but I realized I have to put love in my body. And you know there’s for every action there’s an equal and opposite reaction. It’s It’s proven. It’s a it’s a proven law. Thought. So if I’m not giving off love, there’s no way I’m gonna get love back. So I need to give off love in order to get love back. And love doesn’t mean romantic. It means just Yeah, yeah, like not being dying on the vine looking person, you know? So I would I that was when pink salt pink Himalayan salt came out. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So I bought pink salt. And I was like, Okay, I’m putting pink like, that’s color of love. And I would like sprinkle it on my food. And every bite. I was like, I’m literally putting love in my body. And I literally filled up my body every day. I love that. It’s a really like simple but like very tangible thing. And it seems like you were able to kind of define that for yourself with like the pink salt. But I mean, people could pick anything. They could be like strawberries are gonna be love for me or pancakes or whatever. Right? Yeah, like what feels like love to you. Right? I wore I had this like little pink sapphire heart necklace I wore that was like love, like everything to me was less like love, love, love, love, love. And so it got me through that hump and I then got the courage to break up, move on. And I started dating and I was like, I’m not let this hold me back. Any man that asks me out, I will go on a date with him. And I will ask men out too. Opposed to so many of us are like, well, he’s not my type. He’s too tall. He’s too short. He doesn’t have hair. He has too much hair. He has a beard. I don’t like beer. I like beer. Whatever it is. I’ll go out with you. Wow, super open minded. How did that go? Did you wind up on some bad days? Or was it fun? I had a really fun time. That’s amazing. Yeah, it was fun. It was you know a time in my life. And it was great. I learned a lot and I learned about what I wanted and didn’t want and just to be clear because we hear the word dating we hear also hear the word sleeping with so do doesn’t mean sleeping with right so I dated lots and lots and lots of men don’t need to disclose you have herpes unless you’re going to expose them to it right? Absolutely. So going to get ice cream on a Saturday afternoon. There’s no need to tell that person that date I had herpes, so I wouldn’t had and having the ice cream. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, it’s something you really did the work. Were you always spiritual or do you feel like going through the herpes experience kind of pushed you more in that direction? So there’s religious spiritual, all different things. I was grew up religious, you know, walked through it and not walked away but kind of like I did. I got I got very spiritual meditations and things like that. So it brought me it brought me to that and then I’ve kind of like combined it both. Cool. I love that. Yeah, my experience was somewhat similar. I was raised Catholic and kind of left that and then just kind of like officially Buddhist for a while and I wouldn’t say I’m like nah, but I’m kind of like nothing. I’m just spiritual now and like I I was a meditation guy and I love Eckhart Tolle, who’s no religion and you know, stuff like that. But yeah, that’s that’s so cool that it has kind of been such a holistic journey for you. I’m also curious I mean, now, you know, you’ve been dealing with this pretty well for a while, like, how much does herpes kind of interfere with your daily life at this point, is it a big thing that tiny thing is a tiny thing. It’s a tiny thing like, do I get outbreaks? Yes, I get outbreaks. Is it annoying when I get them? Yeah, it’s annoying. Is it devastating? crashing? You know, you know, Is it annoying when you’re on vacation with your spouse? And you’re like, that was what we wanted to do, because our child isn’t with us. And that can be annoying, right? Yeah. But it’s life and you get creative and you get other you have other ways and doesn’t happen that often. No? Yeah, that’s cool. That’s not that big of a deal. So what are some of the most like common misconceptions like about herpes? Or like, what are some of the most common things that people come to you with? Those are two different topics? Yeah, you could pick where you want to go. So I would say the biggest misconceptions are that when people get tested for STDs, they think that they’re getting tested for everything, and you’re not. That’s number one. The other big thing is we think we’ll be able to look at somebody and see if they have it, we think like, oh, well, I’ll look down there before we hook up. And I’ll see, there’s no way to tell, even if there’s some outbreaks I have. And like how my husband like, Look, can you see it? And he’s like, I can’t see it? And I’m like, No, I feel it. They can be so little, like you said, a little paper cut. So you’re just like very in tune with your body too. And like Not everyone’s going to be that in tune with their body. Right? So just because that person is so attractive and caring, and you have the butterflies, you’re like, No way that person would have herpes, that person very, might have herpes, and that’s okay. You just need to have a conversation about it. There’s ways around it to prevent transmission, you have a conversation about it, you guys can stick the greatest system together. Yeah, and it’s not, I do think it’s just way too stigmatized. It’s like, it’s just, it’s just like little blister things. It’s not gonna, like really hurt you. It’s not gonna like ruin your life. I think kind of like you’re saying like, it’s a nuisance, but people get so worked up about it. And I think in getting super worked up about it, we’re perpetuating the stigma. So I kind of want to just tell people to like, like, check yourself a little bit, like notice, notice your reaction. And notice, you know, if you’re unintentionally even, like perpetuating the stigma of it, because it’s just made up. And it’s just a nuisance. That’s, that’s my personal opinion. So people kind of need to know, herpes testing is something you have to request separately, you don’t just go into your doctor and say, Hey, I need an STI panel. And on that you brought up testing, it’s kind of hard to test for herpes. So I want to go back and talk about that. There’s three ways to be diagnosed with herpes number one is clinically so that means a doctor or medical provider, whatever is able to look at the outbreak and then look at it listen to your symptoms, the way it looks and what symptoms you’re having. They’re able to diagnose you clinically, with herpes, the pros of that are you can get the antiviral, if that’s something you want to take, you can get that soon you can get that same day, you can get the medication, and you same day if you want to take it and that helps her like get rid of the outbreak or like prevent them or like prevent transmission, both. I’ll get into that next. Because that’s really important to talk about too. So you can get that in your system fast. The downside is you don’t know what type you have. There’s no way to look and say well, that looks like right, so that’s the downside. Que number two, the way to be diagnosed is to have an active lesion active outbreak and have it swabbed so you’re swabbing for viral DNA. The good news about that is you know where you have it, you know if you have an oral or genital, the good news with that is you can get Hey, you have type one, you have type two, whatever type you have. The downside to that is if you do it at the wrong time, it can be negative. So perfect example I have oral herpes. If you swab my mouth right now, it’d be negative. Okay, so you can’t go in and be like, I just love with someone that has herpes. And can you swab me? And they’d be like, Yeah, but there’s nothing to swab. Right? So that’s a problem. Or if it’s healed, if like they’re scabs and things like that it’s healed over and then it’s too late as well then it might have already scabbed and gone away, not gonna gotta be active for the swab door, right? So that has to be active. So then number three is a blood draw. So what they’re looking for, so herpes, right, that’s what I had. Herpes is not live in our blood. It’s not a blood disease. It does not live in our blood does not live in our bodily fluids. It’s skin to skin, but we can create antibodies because it’s a virus. So what they’re looking for in the blood draw or the antibodies, okay? The pros and cons of that are if you test positive with an antibody blood tests, like you have it, there’s no I don’t know. The downside is you don’t know where you have it because it’s a blood draw. If you’ve never had an outbreak, which most people are asymptomatic, and most people have never had an outbreak, they don’t know where they have it. And you do know what you you’ll know what type they’ll be able to say you have type one type two, the other day downside is if it’s brand new, hmm, you won’t have the antibodies yet. Oh, that’s a good point. So how long should you wait after like if you had unprotected sex or just had a new partner? Like, is there any guideline on that? Yeah. And everyone’s different. They say like, 90 days, three months, other people say six weeks. But like I said, it can it can lie dormant for years. So if I would say, if you have new partners, I would get tested before and then I would also get tested. You know what, during that partner? Yeah, and find, you know, I also think, find a good provider that you’re comfortable with and who’s like, not going to be judgy. About your sexual activity? Yeah, exactly. Like you have to be an advocate for your own health. Yeah, it’s worth it. I think just I think there’s a lot of benefits to just letting go of the shame is that there’s a lot more freedom, I would think on the other side, right. And you wanted to know about the antiviral and what that does, and how that reports, people. So there’s, it’s a Valtrex is the branded antiviral, there’s valacyclovir, there’s Acyclovir, there’s a few different types of generic brands of it. So what it does is it keeps the virus dormant in our system. So when the virus is dormant, we’re not having outbreaks, we’re not shedding the virus. And so it does lessen the transmission rate by 48%. So it is wow. Something that you can take that if you have herpes, and your partner does not or your partner does and you don’t or whatever, it is something that is FDA proven to help lessen the transmission, it does not mean that it’s 100. It’s like birth control. Can you still get pregnant? Yeah, you can still get pregnant. So it’s an option to consider you can discuss with your partner obviously, like, consider if there’s, you know, side effects or whatever. But there’s good good option to have. Are there other ways that people can kind of help reduce the likelihood? Yeah, and here’s a big misconception. People think that condoms like, oh, just use the condom, you’ll be fine. I know. And condoms are great. They’re helpful. However, herpes is not a bodily fluid transmission. So that’s what condoms are great for. This is skin to skin. What we don’t realize is you can have herpes on any location, really on your body. So we think like it’s just genitals, minor on my tailbone. So you could use all the condoms we want. But my tailbone is still exposed. Yeah. 100%. And that is a good thing to realize, you know, for people that it’s like, there’s a whole region down there. You know, it sounds like any part of genitals through I didn’t realize tailbone. Glad you said that. Because people probably wouldn’t even think if they had something on their tailbone that that could even potentially be herpes, I would, you know, I had herpes, genital herpes for like, at least five years before I got a tailbone outbreak. And I didn’t think it was herpes. I was like, Oh, I have a bug bite. And I have it like, I knew I had it. Oh, and I do want to say to people to like my intention and talking about this is not to make people paranoid. And I only say that because I waited a while to have sex when I was younger, because I was paranoid about pregnancy and STIs. And I think you just have to get to a point where you’re just like, there’s nothing that zero risk people. Like, there’s so many health benefits to sexual activity, especially with someone that you feel secure with or that you feel safe with. So this is just presenting like, let’s just also be aware, let’s be risk aware. That doesn’t mean like be paranoid and never have sex. I just want to clarify that for anyone listening. Yeah, I bring this information not to scare people or be like, well, you should go get tested, because you probably have it. Unless they are mean to me. And I’m like, Well, you should look at like, are you guys? But no, I do think it’s just good to be informed. And like last time I went to my doctor to do STI testing. I mean, he’s great because he’s super open and like he’s just like very like chipboard shit chatty, and like can talk about stuff, which is nice. And he’s like, super non judgy. But he was also mentioning that there’s different bacterial infections you can get as well that are not part of standard STI panels either. And I’m like, I’m a fucking sex therapist. I don’t even know what why is this not common knowledge. And so like, I just want people to be aware and educated about our bodies. And I think that’s part of the stigma. And shame too, is like, you know, let’s just not look at this. This is like, you know, uncomfortable or, like, people don’t really need to know that, you know, and it’s like, there’s so much focus on like, just preaching, you know, fear and abstinence. And it’s like, what if it’s more about like, just being risk aware and making informed choices? That’s what it’s all about. Yeah, that’s what it’s all about. And if you brought that up about other bacterial infections when I had my son, they tell you like, hey, the you when you check into the hospital, we’re gonna just do some screens for some, you know, bacterial vaginal infections, and I’m like, you’re testing me to see if I have STDs. You’re not testing me for chlamydia and gonorrhea. Like I said, that funny gonorrhea but like you’re not saying STDs, you don’t want me to freak out but that’s what you’re testing me for. Because they said that like 50% of the women come in have it because it’s not the chlamydia gonorrhea, like you said, it’s just other bacterial infections that we pick. Yeah, it’s not right. Yeah. I mean, I recently had one called ureaplasma that I’d never heard of before. Never heard of it. Yeah. So like, it was just like a one dose antibiotic, but I was like, why am I not heard of it? Right? How many are there? And people and like you said, you know, you might look at a partner to see like, oh, are there sores or their lesions? Or even have certain conversations? Like when was your last partner? Have you had unprotected sex recently? Bla bla bla bla bla, and like, there’s just no foolproof plan. And that’s a big thing. Oh, well, I know my partner hasn’t had sex with anybody in a long time. Right. Okay. Like when you first date someone, I’ll ask people, I’m like, How did you know your husband or wife or spouse didn’t have anything? Well, he hadn’t been with anyone for a year. Okay. Well, herpes doesn’t work that way. I know, I think we just really like to be in denial and just like, oh, maybe I don’t have to look at this. And so I feel like that’s kind of what I want this episode to be about to like, let’s be real. And like, let’s be honest with ourselves. And yes, you can face things, right. Just remember, like, it’s so common. There is someone that you love unconditionally, that has this. Oh, 100% Right. So if you’re in the space of like, there’s no way I don’t know anyone. Yeah, you do you there’s someone you love. Unconditional anted guaranteed, and everyone has HPV too. I mean, that’s like another STI just you guys. There’s so many like, you probably all have one. So I’m just like, I think we just need to like get over ourselves. And like, move on with it. Can you tell us a little bit more of like, how do you work with people? And you know, how can they connect with you? Absolutely. So one of the things that I found that was just a pain point for me, no pun intended on that one. But it was an absolute pain point was there was no information out there when you’re diagnosed with an STD or herpes. Again, this was in 2011. It was very sterile. It was very like, you know, CDC Planned Parenthood, Little Blue figures for like pictures. It was just not at all what I wanted it to be. So number one, I wanted to create a website that had the information that was happy that was life full of life, full color, love this. dog doesn’t care that we’re podcasting right now. So there’s lots of people at my house. So she’s like, Oh, I have to go. Okay, okay. Sorry about that. Everybody. My standard. Scarlet is a mind that has a mind of her own. Anyway, welcome, Scarlet. So just making sure that there’s information I have probably over 800 YouTube videos I have Wow, yeah, I have a lot. I just want the information to get out there. And whatever way you can best understand that. Are you a reader? Are you a watcher? How it What are you What how do you take in information. But really what I didn’t have was a community. I didn’t have a community, I didn’t have anyone to talk to you. So I created a community for people living with herpes. And that’s really like my biggest, huge. That’s like my biggest like pride. I’m so proud of these people. They are recovering from their diagnosis, they are happy, they are changing their lives. They’re making other changes in their lives. And it just makes me so happy. So I do have it’s called The Secret Society. And I have you know, toolkits, I have the group I have wellness products you can take if you have herpes. And if you do have herpes, and you’re like, oh my gosh, I don’t know where I want to like I don’t I don’t want anyone to know, or I’m worried about it. I created a PDF download, it’s 21 pages. If you just go to outbreak remedies.com You can download it and you know, go right to your inbox. It has a lot of great information in there. Basically everything from A to Z, the herpes 101 What do you need to know? What is it things I may have forgotten to cover today? Stuff like that. That’s amazing. And sounds like it’d be very thorough resource. So outbreak remedies.com. Yes. Okay. I think those are the two main things. It’s like if people have the information they need, and then they have a community. Because one of the things I’ve learned just through my own journey and working with people, and the type of work I do is like, it’s like shame can’t really exist when you shine light on it, you know. And so I think by sharing by having a safe place to do that, it almost like burst the bubble of the shame, and you just like can’t be totally living in shame anymore. So it’s miraculous. Yeah. And when you realize that it’s a made up thing, shame is something that we’ve created, like, we created the shame, right? Like I created my own shame. It’s not made up, but like, I created my own shame. When he realized I got it. I cry, it’s our thoughts. It’s the stories we have the thoughts that we believe. And, you know, once we realize that it’s actually more in control in our control than we had thought. It’s like then you’re actually empowered to like, live the life you want as you’ve done, and it’s just exciting to have you, you know, be an example of that for you.
We’ve all so thank you so much for joining us. Thank you. Bye everybody Are you feeling stuck or shameful in your sex life, you can have an authentic and pleasurable sex life, and it doesn’t have to be a huge downer to figure it out. Through my holistic coaching program, you’ll become a pro at sexual communication. Get clear on what does it for you in the bedroom. Learn how to manage libido and become more confident and comfortable in your skin than ever before. Go to Heather shannon.co. Again, that’s Heather shannon.co and click Apply to get started. I can’t wait to work with you
