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are often sort of afraid and we to hurt our partner by telling them our that doesn’t feel right. Or I’m faking my orgasm just not to hurt my partner because you know, I don’t want to have an uncomfortable conversation about it.
This is the ask a sex therapist podcast helping you change the way you look at sex. I’m Heather Shannon, and in a world full of sexual censorship, I’ll give you the raw truth about pleasure, intimacy in your relationships and enjoying your body, because it’s time for you to ask a sex therapist.
Hey, everybody, I am very excited to bring you a very fun and educational episode this week. But before we get into the topic, I have a review of the week. Alright, so this review says eye opening this pot has given me much needed insight into my own sex life, as well as answered a few uncomfortable questions I had about myself. I strongly recommend everyone listen to this podcast because the host will absolutely give you every bit of insight you will need and is not afraid to dig into the uncomfortable or taboo things. Thank you so much for the review. And you’re correct. We are not afraid to jump into the taboo topics here. So this week, I have a guest and her name is Mariah Freya, and she is the owner and founder of educated. So we’re going to be getting into what that means. And we’re going to talk specifically to you today about vulva owners and orgasm and female pleasure and all sorts of good things. So welcome, Mariah, thank you so much for joining us. Yay. Yeah, so there’s kind of a fun, fun story that Mariah and I met each other in 2016. In Barcelona, how random is that? You guys? So we were both at entrepreneur like Nomad conference. And it was before I was even I was a therapist, but I wasn’t a sex therapist. And I was like, Who is this lady with this cool sex business? Like, let’s find out all about that. So Brad, could you tell people like, how did you how did you start this? And what made you sort of be brave enough, I think to go in this direction. Yeah, I remember back then, when we met at this conference in Barcelona, I still had my a gasp Nick discourses podcast, you won’t believe it. So that was before the time when podcasting was was really mainstream. And I remember only, like, probably three or four sex podcasts existed back then. And I remember I listened to this talk, and someone said, Yeah, and if you want to really nail the podcast thing, you have to perfectly cut everything and make it perfect in terms of the audio into style, and everything needs to be scripted and perfect. And I was like, oh my god, I’m not gonna do this. I’m gonna quit my podcast for sure. So I literally, at that conference, I stopped. Like, I decided not to continue my podcast because back then, no, like, I mean, I had a couple of years and it was fine. But it wasn’t such a big deal. thing back then. And I think mostly geeks were listening to some of the digital nomad and entrepreneurial podcasts. But that was it. So you couldn’t really reach a wider audience. So for me, it didn’t really make sense to continue thinking about this story, which what would have happened if I continue but I’m now even happier you know, to be here and your podcast talking about my business? And yeah, I think what made me start educated was definitely my own self exploration, my own journey with my sex life. I wanted to become a social worker back then I wanted to, like in a sort of naive and little girls way changed the world by helping people somehow so yeah, I like like I always thought about, okay, what type of tools are out there that empower people and because I somehow didn’t really feel very empowered even though I grew up in Germany in a democratic society where you’d say it’s equal more or less which is built to certain parts definitely not but you know, I had definitely more rights than other women and as well as more privileges as well. I realized still like I have all these potential open doors, but I didn’t really feel like I’m you know, I am really able to use them and able to step up my game and really feel my powers and know my superpowers and just be confident. And that kind of had like this type of believe I had an all parts in my life and especially also in my sex life rather on the low libido end not really interested not really like somehow the fire, you know, where you have that, that inner fire that inner passion that you need for a great next project or, you know, great sex amazing orgasms. It’s like, like, if that’s missing in like, like a red line throughout all parts in your life. Like, yeah, like, it’s kind of like you’re on a low volume, right? So when I discovered, together with my partner, who’s still my husband, also a business partner today, and also father of my two kids, and we’re together since over 16 years this year, so it’s really a long time. And yeah, when we started realizing that, you know, sex life was turning man off over after a couple of years. In our relationship, we were like, okay, there must be somehow another way. Like he he’s the type of personality that’s always looking for solution always trying to, okay, is there something new, something interesting that he can learn? So he kind of brought this impulse into my life of like, learning and lifelong learning pretty much? Which, like he, I’d say, he has somewhat the natural fire that I didn’t have back then. And then, on that journey together, yeah, we accidentally got this course recommended on a vanilla massage. And that was for me, like the first touch point of just something entirely different, something unexpectable something new, and like, it made me really excited to try that. So so that was sort of the opening door for me to first of all realize, okay, I’m like, my body is incredible. I’m like, I’m orgasmic, which I didn’t realize before. Like, there’s so much mystery that I didn’t realize, you know, I could uncover and so yeah, that was sort of the turning point for me to realize, Okay, I’ve got a dig into my own sex life. There’s something to it, and on the way of that empowerment, that’s when I realized, okay, this is my tool I’ve been searching for, you know, to help people in the world, owning their life owning their sex lives, yeah, being able to leverage what’s inside of them. And I feel like, sex is such an amazing leverage. Such an amazing empowerment tool to do that to, yeah, be able to feel full and energetic and alive, and just, ya know, that central being that we are allowing ourselves to use our senses and all of that. So yeah, that’s, that’s when I sort of started the business. And today, I yeah, I’m super proud. We were, I think, the big biggest online course library in the world. So we have over 100 plus courses with over 40 different sex experts like yourself, from sex therapists, to coaches to specialists in kink Tantra, you name it, like we have quite a diversity and variety of, of courses that people can choose. And yeah, some, some would say it’s like the neck, the Netflix for your sex education. So it’s sort of like that you plug in, and then you just get endless sex education on demand is true. I mean, so I was able to log in there, you know, before our call today, and I was just like, oh, wow, they have a bit of everything. And you know, for me, and I think for a lot of people, like variety is the spice of life, as they say, but I also think variety is the spice of your sex life. And yeah, and just kind of see sort of the different tools and ways and fantasies and things you could dig into, like just that realization when you scroll down and educated in inside the platform. Like it’s such a mind blowing experience, I think, because, like, of course, I could also go to YouPorn to any porn site and sort of get like endless content of sex, but the thing is, it’s not education, it’s like, you know, only for consumption to kind of get off. Totally, exactly. And it’s, it’s not really explained or put into I like the diversity of things and sort of the learning Cough, cough of it. Plus on top of course, having having a professional at your side supporting you being able to Yeah, navigate through all the steps together and think that’s that’s just an amazing thing that a lot of our customers say like, wow, like, there’s so much diversity. And I haven’t watched it all like, but sort of tiptoeing into some fantasies that I’ve been thinking about before. Now I even know how to maybe even make them come true, right? Yeah, that’s a lot. The biggest challenge, like there’s this maybe that fantasy, but like, yeah, to really experience that. And yeah, it makes it possible. Yeah. And I love first of all, I love hearing your enthusiasm is you’re talking about this because, you know, I do think it means so much when people have had like a personal experience. And they actually transformed like, Oh, I didn’t know I was orgasmic. And now I’m orgasmic like, and I can own that I can like, feel the energy in my body differently. Just like as I go about my life, that’s kind of what excites me is like, sometimes we just kind of go about our life. And then you’re like, Okay, you’re fine, or whatever. And it’s like to delve into sex as sort of a personal growth journey and realizing that not only will you walk away with a better sex life, but you’re going to just change how you feel in life in general, I think. Hmm, yeah. I’m super curious to hear also your story on that. I’m sure you share this already. But she’s, I think every sexpert does have a story, why they, you know, end up in that space. And I think everyone, every story is unique and should be told for sure. Yeah, I agree. And I mean, part of part of mine is a little bit similar to yours, like some same, some different, but, you know, I looking back, realize that I was pretty repressed for a while. And I had a lot of anxiety about sex. So some, some of us are just a little more prone to anxiety in general. But the messaging was, you know, well, this is bad. And you shouldn’t do it before marriage, but everyone does it. But then also kind of speaking to be educated. No one tells you how to do it. Nobody tells you how to have fun doing it, they tell you like be afraid. Don’t ever, like do anything different than like sex when you’re married in a monogamous way. And, you know, it’s like, you could get pregnant, you could ruin your life, you could get this disease, you could get HIV, you could die. And nowhere was it like, Hey, this is how your body works. This is our Hey, this is supposed to be fun. Or like, there’s pleasures, right? And then there’s actual health benefits to in addition to pleasure is a health management I think, but you know, also it’s like your blood flow improves and your lymph system gets supported and you get oxytocin and like, there’s so many wonderful things happening, but like we never kind of got the owner’s manual on like, genitals specifically. Yeah, and if if we got it then we got it at a at a time where we went through probably the craziest hormonal up and down our teenage years. Were you anyways not able to grasp it fully and understand everything because it’s just like so turning inwards with you know, everything is wrong with myself. So it’s it’s a very difficult time. So so having sex education only in that period is already kind of crazy. Like, in my opinion, it starts with parents who already educated ideally, well, yeah, I do who live pleasure and their sex life, of course, in a way that’s healthy for them. So so they live that and children ideally, get a sense of intimacy every day. And then from there, they you know, start to become teenagers and start asking questions around it and probably already by then know everything because of the internet. And that’s when, you know, most parents kind of say, okay, school does that, but then school is like restricted with all the political situations and you know, politics saying no, you’re only allowed to say this and this and that, too, right to do them. So that’s limited. And then they they have their first sexual experiences growing older and older and having the first real relationships perhaps, but struggling because everybody struggles with it, because I know it’s taboo in every single country. So how we are managing that and then, like, somehow we we don’t continue educating ourselves because we think okay, sex ed is something we put only in that period from I don’t know 12 To a tene or 21. And that’s it. But I think it’s like the ideal sex education is in especially our 20s or 30s, when we’re like getting more a bit more confident, like getting different experiences negative, as well as positive, knowing how to heal those, knowing how to overcome them how to, you know, use consent and boundary setting to be safe in that very explorative time, in our 20s. If we are surviving that sexually in a positive way, then I think we’re pretty set for, you know, more of the relationship period between our 30s and 40s, where it’s about kids and all of that, and, and then there as well, like, I’m a mom of two, like, I’m definitely struggling with my sex life right now. Because it is really difficult. So I need the type of education in this period, while I’m understanding how to schedule it better how to write make, it’s still fun, even though I have so right time available. And that was my turn, by the way. Exactly. I know, it’s a great episode. And I think it’s, it’s really, you know, in every I call this like, sexual life cycle, like in every part of that lifecycle, I need specific education to kind of overcome these challenges that are connected typically to that period. Like later on, I’m going to experience most probably menopause. So what does that mean for me, or even later, you know, growing older, maybe not being the fittest anymore? What does that mean for my, my sex life? And so on. So there’s so much amazing education out there for everyone. And, yeah, that’s why we decided educated to kind of pull all the information on one platform, to Yeah, deliver that every step of the way, wherever our customers are in their journey. And yeah, I think that’s definitely something unique. I’d say. It is. And I mean, the other thing I want to tell people about it is, you know, I get frustrated as someone who’s trying to educate people that, you know, were censored on social media. I can’t even spell the word sex on Instagram. Like you mentioned, there’s, you know, Pornhub and other like mainstream porn sites, which are just not educational. Like, that’s just not where we should be like getting our information now, if you want to, like use it as it’s intended to get off, do you? Right? Yeah. But like, yeah, we’ve been banned twice on Instagram, we’ve lost our media accounts, to advertise twice. Now we’ve completely given up on actually advertisement. So we’re working with influencers and experts. But yeah, I think people don’t realize that there’s this restriction for, for sex education, like they will really learn that something, you know, freely accessible, which is not. And porn somehow, of course, makes sense for people to kind of shut out of like, a more family friendly, social media environment. That makes a lot of sense. But yeah, it’s really tricky to reach a bigger, bigger audience with this topic. That’s why like, I love that you have your platform, you know, and I’m grateful for podcasting so that I can speak freely and have you on and you can speak freely. Because yeah, you know, like, we need this information. And I think about I mean, your your videos, so the the one I had watched about female orgasm, like, there is a naked woman there, and she is touching her vulva. And yeah, it’s not pornographic. It’s just like, oh, cool, I can see exactly what’s being narrated. Yeah, so so much of what we see online, it’s just like cartoons, or, you know, porn. And so it’s either just like an illustration where it doesn’t, like evolve, but it’s nice, I think, to see other evolve as to because I think we need to like normalize that, you know, all Volvo’s look differently. And so I think the course I watched, there was two different Volvo owners and their Volvo is look different. I was like, This is great. To see this eye, and we have a bit of a spectrum here. So we have some courses that are very, like more theoretical and what’s maybe more about communication tools and just being you know, just just sort of, like, Hey, do this and use these types of sentences or, you know, set it up in a proper way. But then we have more than not anatomical or like pleasure based teachings where we really show pleasure where we really show also diverse bodies, different types of sexual orientations and genders. So we also have a central massage on a non binary, for example. And we have erectile dysfunction course, which you just released on where actually two men are having a conversation about Eric tell dysfunction. And then afterwards, it kind of goes more into edu porn, which is sort of like on the other spectrum so well, where they are sort of helping each other, to stimulate each other and show each other ways how they overcome the erectile dysfunction. But like, pleasure based way, you know, was really about the focus on pleasure, but also still keeping the education in mind. So, yeah, so it’s like a spectrum. Now, yeah. Well, you definitely need more than a weekend. But I mean, like, for me, and something I talk about on this podcast, a decent amount to is, and you mentioned that is it when your own personal description was, sex is a journey, you know, and how there’s different there’s different life stages, and we’re going to also just have periods of time where we have a higher libido and periods where we have a lower libido and periods where we’re like, Ooh, let’s get spiritual and try some Tantra. And then we’re gonna have other periods where we’re, like, let’s say, kind of nasty, and getting some BDSM stuff, you know, and I just love that, that variety, and, and I think people get stuck a little bit, you know, I’m like, Well, I don’t know, very stuck, you know, like, I get I get off, or we kind of know each other’s bodies, while at this point, or, you know, maybe you’re dating and you’re single, and you’re kind of like, you know, we just kind of do like the basics, you know, when it’s a new partner. And so I think we can get stuck with that. And so just to see, like you said, like, oh, my gosh, we open it up at the Netflix of sex education. And there’s like, 100 different options. Like, that’s cool. So it just, it gets your creative wheels turning, which I think is huge for having a great sex life. So yeah, and of course, it takes that little extra notch of getting a little bit out of your comfort zone, because I think people get stuck within their comfort zone. They Yeah, especially long term relationships. I know it inside out. Like, in the first couple of years, it’s still somewhat exciting, because you’re still sort of finding new things out about each other. But then, yeah, then it’s just like the same old same old that you just repeat and write. And that’s when you kind of get stuck along your journey. And yeah, I feel especially for me as a vulva owner, having that diversity on like stimulations in a different way in like, Yeah, from this different angles somehow, emotionally, mentally. Yeah. And not just physically. I mean, there are definitely a lot of penis owners out there who would probably say the same, but I’d say, a vulva on it often has more of that, like different angles, not just the in and out penis and vagina thing. But, you know, so, yeah, I feel like that was, for me a really important realization that hey, like, diversity is really important to get my juices flowing. And yeah, so So how can we make this happen? And of course, it it sort of requires that getting out of your comfort zone every time you try something new, because it is, like the taboo is so ingrained in our system, like, I still sometimes like get stuck, like speaking out about my desire, just because, you know, it’s something that you always need to sort of write every time. So if there’s that willingness, and that’s like, okay, like, I just wanna try it. Let’s see what happens and like, if it’s not, right, let’s just stop it. Right there. playful, like the way you’re saying that even it’s like, there’s just a playful curiosity. It’s like, let’s just see, you know, so I hope yeah, I hope people can adopt that. I wanted to ask also, or just mentioned to people, I loved how the videos got into like specifics, because I feel like, especially when it comes to touching genitals, I feel like we have a communication breakdown, you know, where it’s just kind of like, I don’t know, just like little lighter or a little harder, but like to see like, oh, there’s like this V finger position. And you can kind of like use this exact positioning and technique. And, you know, you can use oil and here’s how you can even pour the oil or rub the oil around. And I was like, this is yeah, we might have gone a little bit German engineering on that stuff. nine to nine different ways. No, more. This is great. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it depends. You know, sometimes you can get a little almost too brainy on the tech niq were words. And I think everyone craves that. Another technique where sometimes just that presence or that yeah, simplicity of just being there and breathing in and out and just Yeah, holding, just staying there and holding right can be such an amazing moment. But for sure, it’s exciting to have all the techniques going. It is because I think it also gives people like language, so like, something you could watch with your partner? And then yeah, like, let’s do that. And yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s like, I don’t know that I would have come up with the, you know, the exact words. And as I was watching it, I was like, Oh, I’ve never touched myself in that way. Or that’s not something I would have thought to request from someone even. So I love that it’s giving people Yeah, and there’s, for example, also that that technique of I can’t remember how we named it now. But but it’s basically you’re sort of allowing each other a space where one person gives pleasure, and the other actively gives feedback on what feels good and what doesn’t, and, and that you sort of, have that extra feedback, space. And and then, you know, once you’re kind of out of that space, then there’s maybe not necessarily that feedback required anymore, because you just kind of figured out something’s in that feedback space. So so that and that way, it’s not really hurting the partner, because everyone knows, okay, that’s not a feedback space. We’re just sort of seeing Okay, how’s that? And how’s that? Okay, like applying the techniques, and then you Yeah, experimenting in that way, because we’re often sort of frayed and we that to hurt our partner by telling them our that doesn’t feel right. Or like liking I’m faking my orgasm, just not to hurt my partner, because, you know, I don’t want to have an uncomfortable conversation about it. Or, you know, just to name a couple of examples there. Yeah. So so. So having like that extra scheduled feedback. workshop together is is just a really great tool, as it allows us this, like, like becoming sex spurts together, and I’m sort of starting to become my own sexpert by by feeling okay, what, what feels good and what doesn’t. And then my partner learns that while I’m sort of giving that back, no. So if you’re curious about educated and you want to check it out, Mariah is offering all of you a 40% discount for being listeners of the show. So you can go to bed educated.com and enter the code, ask a s k, you’ll get a free 24 hour trial, and then you’ll get 40% off your annual membership. The link and code are also in the show notes if that is easier for you. And I’m excited to share this with you guys. And here’s to learning. Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming. Yeah, the annual, I recommend this to my clients as well, exactly what you just said, because if we’re kind of, in a sexual scenario, where it’s just about pleasure and connecting, sometimes we can get attached to that outcome, which I do discourage, like less. And I know, I know, educated as the same way you had it, like right there in writing. Like, we focus on pleasure rather than orgasm. I was like, yes, that’s so good. But I do think it’s still helpful to be like, this is just gonna be like a practice session. And this is going to specifically be like, we’re not trying to get to orgasm or whatever at all. We’re really just like, testing out some things. Yeah. And I think like creating that container for learning and for exploring without with very low stakes. I think that’s what it is like, we’re like really lowering the stakes. Love that. Yeah. Yeah, to experiment. So I think that’s so important. If you’re listening and you want to try something new, do that. Do a practice session with your partner. Okay, so let’s focus a little bit more on like the orgasm for people with a vulva. The video had some really helpful things to say obviously, I have some more of the psychological background on it. But I’m curious just from you know, owning this business and being a human on your own sexual journey for a while, like, what do you think people need to know about orgasm for Obama? Yeah, I mean, you already said it. Focus on the pleasure not the orgasm, especially as a vulva owner. This is I think, was for me the key thing when diving into the whole orgasms space that yeah, like creating simply more time to to enjoy myself and breathing in and out and not work. towards the only goal but, but simply sensing, okay, there’s like, like a subtle, subtle type of pleasure, like, let’s see what would happen if I’m focusing on that little pleasure that’s already there. Yeah. And then sort of, kind of like in a meditation where you focusing on breathing, you focus on that very sensation that you’re already feeling, even if it’s just a tiny, tiny sensation. And then like, by bringing that focus, you suddenly in my experience, it grows bigger, if we are able to continue focusing on that sensation, then it can become some something quite incredible. Of course, it depends a little bit, if my partner is very quick in changing positions and doing something else, then, of course, it’s this sensation might then suddenly be gone. And then you focus again, on a different sensation. But, but for me having that internal presence on more random sensations, I guess, then then that very specific, peculiar sensation that I’m looking for when I’m, for example, self pleasuring, right, because that’s an entirely different setting. I know exactly. Usually what works if I’m regularly self pleasuring. So when I’m self pleasuring, I usually know more or less what I need to do to get myself off, or at least feel more relaxed or have an orgasm in the end. But when I’m with a partner, that’s always a different scenario, because, yeah, like they might not do what you would usually do so. So focusing on sensations that are not the obvious. That way, you know, okay, this type of sensation will definitely take me to an orgasm, but kind of detach from that a little more and take a step back and actually focus maybe on a more random sensation. It’s not the most obvious pleasure sensation, and I feel like that. Yeah, can somehow been interesting in a, in a play. Sometimes there’s the more obvious pleasure sensations sometimes the less obvious and sort of dancing with those around a little is really a fun way. And, yeah, especially in terms of the vulva anatomy, I think we’re still in the beginnings of science of really understanding the full scope of the naff network. I mean, just recently, they discovered okay, it’s not 8000 but 10,000. Like, who knows? Maybe it’s 20,000. Like, you know, there’s like, like, I feel like it’s still such a mystery. Yeah, and for me, when I realized I had a cheese spot, and I could squirt like this was just a revelation of wow, like, what is my body capable of like, I know having these moments of revelations and discovering this different pleasure. So yeah, from your outer lips to the inner lips to the Yeah, sort of entrance area of your vaginal canal to where? Yeah, sort of the like, entrance rings slide to going deeper into more the Yeah, lower part of the clitoris that she’s spot. And further down within sort of the vaginal canal. There are so many interesting points like walking towards your, your anus, which can be very pleasurable. Yeah, simply discovering it with fingers or a toy can be just an amazing journey. Actually, I had another really amazing thing, which I can highly recommend everyone with a vulva to do and the next time you are at your gynecologist if you feel uncomfortable, I think you’re using a different term than gynecologist in the US. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. And so so when you they’re like, ask them kindly. If they could show you your cervix, because what they doing? They have the speculum, and the speculum is in to get like a probe of your cervical lubrication. So they do the Pap smear and all types of different tests there. So with the curriculum, they can sort of open that tiny bit and you can also bring a mirror in case they don’t have a mirror. So let them open it a little bit and have a look at your cervix. It’s Incredible, just having that, like, just having a deep look inside because I feel like for a penis owner, they can always have a look at their penis so easily. Right? And yeah, and for yourself, like I’m noticing the difference between my boy and my daughter like, Huh? Like, I mean, she sometimes accidentally touches her vulva, but it’s really accidentally, okay. And my boy is like constantly playing with it. Because it’s just they’re saying he already has such a, like extroverted connection already or quite intense connection just because of that the channels are outside of his body and for, for a vulva on it’s, of course, deeper inward. It’s like, more hidden, it’s almost like you need to accidentally touch it to realize, oh, there’s something there. So yeah, I felt like that, that eureka that I had, looking at myself, even though it’s a little complicated with the with the speculum and all that, but yeah, it’s just something quite magnificent, I think. And it’s a really good you can actually buy by the speculum yourself. But I would definitely recommend to let your gynecologist do it. It’s anyway, very good to go to the gynecologist I have the feeling in a lot of countries, it’s not mandatory, like in Germany, they, they sort of tell you like, you need to go once a year at least and have like, really yearly checks. So it’s like a more common thing to do. Whereas in other countries, it’s not that common, or you go if you really are in super strong pain and right. Yeah, so that’s already too late. In my opinion, right? That’s a good point. I mean, go if you aren’t paying go, but like, yeah, in the US, they changed it. So instead of having an annual exam, and pap smear is only every three years that insurance will cover it now. And so you’re right. It makes me think a little bit or it’s like, are we going to be lost connected to our bodies? And, and I think most women in the US, you know, I don’t know if I would say dread. I think some people dread going to the gynecologist. Some people are just like, oh, it’s not fun, but it’s nice to hear your enthusiasm actually. Because, you know, what, if it is a way to get to know your body better, and you know, like Mariah was saying, maybe it’s not always like at a gynecologist office with a speculum, but maybe we at least have a mirror and look at your vulva and locate your clitoris and your clitoral hood and your inner outer labia. That’s a great starting Yeah, yeah, no, yeah. And you can ask your gynecologist that too, because I’m thinking even like, does everyone know you know where their clitoris is, and their clitoral hood. And also, and also I feel like I should say the clitoris is actually everywhere. Not literally everywhere, but you know, throughout the vulva, it’s not just like the little, the head of the clitoris or the, it’s not just the button, not just button or the pearlies eyes. It’s underneath, too. It’s like in there behind the skin of the of all of us. So, but yeah, I love that your course covered that too. And so I just, I hear what you’re saying. Like, I just think it’s so important for people to know their bodies. And I think to me, that’s what’s missing in the sex education that we do have is like, you know, here’s how to find your own clitoris. You know, it’s all of these like illustrations in books, but not as much like the personal knowledge, you know, and so I do think that you know, grabbing relevant knowledge on on really like the exploration part on this i Yeah, this is how how a professional would recommend you to self pleasure or right Yeah, sort of what happens if you penetrate something you know, like, like you kind of I remember as a small little girl like somehow I was curious what would happen if I put my finger in there but I didn’t really know was I allowed to would some would I hurt myself or okay, you know, like, Yeah, nobody tells you that. No, and even though you you like all kids already are sexual beings like they already have in a way right. I agree with you. I don’t know if I’m Yeah. Yeah, but they definitely have. I mean, I definitely see it on my own kids like there is like, like a certain pleasure that they already experience with their bodies and explore at least you know, their own bodies in a way right. So um, If I’m if I’m not telling my daughter anything about it, she’s going to be completely blank and true, you know? Yeah, that’s definitely not a great start for her future sex exploration. So, of course, that for a second, like, how do you work with your kids around sexuality, just like, you know, being the owner of a sex education company and having relatively small kids, like, what does that look like? Yeah, sure. Um, so my, my son, he’s, he’s four years old now. And my daughter’s one and a half. So still quite early. In her case, she’s not she’s not speaking yet. So there isn’t a lot that I’m like, educating her or educating her about. But with my son, like, I like it’s more in the day to day life, like natural things. Like for example, I was on my period. And he was, he came into into the bathroom, and I was just changing. You know, the pads, and he, he was seeing the blood. And I was, I was like, Hey, do you want to have a look like, Do you know what, what this is? And he was like, yeah, what? Why do you bleed? Like, what happens? Then? I’m like, yeah, like, I’m menstruating and I’m letting go of an egg. And it’s sort of shedding and, you know, sort of, in simpler words, explaining him a little bit something about the menstruation. Yeah. And, and then that was it. She was like, just okay, and then not really laughing or just taking it in as like, another very normal. Right information. Right? I’m gonna go play now. Right? That was enough of you. Exactly. Yeah. And so since then, like, like, he wouldn’t wonder, you know, if Mommy needs to change or if she’s bleeding from her. Her vulva is it’s just like a natural thing. Once per month, this is what happens, right? I felt like that was like, like, putting him on track of, you know, making menstruation, D stigmatizing it making it a normal thing, and especially educating boys as well about it. And yeah, like that lead was sort of like one, one example that came to mind. But if he would, for example, ever asked me, you know, what did you and Papa do? You know? Like, like, sort of, if there were some more sex curious questions, I think I would try to really answer him. Just the same way I showed him about the menstruation like normalizing it, in simple words, not saying Oh, no, you’re not allowed to ask it or making it a time, but simply answering answering it in the same way how he asked, like, you know, just a simple answer to the question I asked. And of course, you might say, Yeah, but then he’s telling all the kids in the kindergarten about it. And yeah, like, of course, that might happen. But I think if it’s like such a normal thing, he won’t even make a big deal out of it. Because it’s just ingrained in our system that it’s not like, whew, such a taboo. Of course, it’s anyways, coming once they are getting older, I’m very sure like, I will be the most you know? Yeah. Weird mom. And who knows, like, just just all the kids? Probably not gonna want to talk about it, I’m sure. But I think it’s, it’s, you know, like, just a natural transition into that topic without having a whole, like, who? Around me, right. I like that idea where it’s just like, it’s normal. It’s matter of fact, there’s, you know, yeah, not even kind of an awareness that, like, other people might think this is taboo. And I yeah, I mean, that I mean, it’s, it’s, it’s, it’s so much you can do so much. But of course, there’s still this societal taboo. That yeah, I’m not able to control and of course, like, be educated as one, one project to minimize that more and more on a global scale. But yeah, it’s the key we’ll also have as myself and everyone else, the challenge of breaking the taboo every day, if I’m, yeah, if I want to learn something about my sex life, I want to try something new or just want to, you know, Get off in a nice way or whatever. Totally. And I think I mean, it is lovely talking to you and other people who do this kind of work because I do it helps me envision like, what if the world was like this? Like, what if the world was, you know, one where we know our bodies, we’re comfortable with our bodies, we’re comfortable talking about sex with, you know, our children in a developmentally appropriate way. You know, we can experience pleasure, it’s not like a weird thing to even like, bring up. I just feel excited like imagining that a little. Yeah. You know what, I had this amazing moment. You know, with the Gen Z generation, they quite more natural sex positive, I’d say. And yeah, I went to this, this party a couple of weeks back my brother, he’s, like, borderline Gen Z, like still still old Gen Z. And he was DJing. There. So when I entered the club, so like, there were all these, like, 2021 year old teenagers running around young young adolescents is running around. And and there was this one person at the entrance, and they told me, hello, I’m part of the awareness team. And we make sure that you have a space in case you feel sexually insecure or someone is overstepping your boundaries. Or if you have the feeling you got dragged or you know, please let us know we are at this place. So yeah, like so they were raising awareness for consent. And, of course, also around drugs, which is a relevant topic for for for the clubbing scene, but also having the sexual mindset of like, hey, like, there’s open dating happening, for sure. And you know, if you feel like you need support, if someone is sexually assaulting, you let us know, like, we are there. So So I felt like, wow, like that was definitely not happening in a time when I would. So there is there is something happening. Maybe, I don’t know if it was like an example. Maybe it’s not everywhere like this, but I really gave me hope to Yeah, I there was a restaurant or a bar, a bar where I live and somebody posted it in Facebook, that in the women’s bathroom on the stalls, they had like a little sheet that I would now I wish I could give them a shout out. I forget the name of it. But it was like if you’re on a date, or if you’re feeling uncomfortable, if you’re being pressured. If you’re you know, kind of not here, consensually, they gave people code words, they’re like saying this word and we’ll call you like a taxi or an Uber, like, say this word, and we’ll like escort you there. And I was like, Oh my God, it was just such a caring concern for like, safety and stuff. So it, it is encouraging. It’s nice that so many people want to create not only a safe world, but a pleasurable world. So yeah, and I think like, if that if you could see that in schools, and you know, in all types of institutions at work, like I mean, sex positivity is relevant, not not just in the bedroom, but you know, beyond that our employee like, yeah, employers, they like institutions, laws, they like ideally. Yeah, that would be, of course, utopian world, but it’s, it’s a world that I’m definitely working towards and hoping that, you know, we can sort of inspire as many people as we can to join and, of course, recommend the work that you do that we do. And I think word of mouth is just a very powerful tool in that sense to Yeah, raise awareness and make people aware that there’s another way and you don’t, you don’t have to live with that taboo. I cannot agree more. And so I do think one of the things people can do is to check out educated and start educating themselves. So where where can they find you, and we will be putting a link and I think you have a special offer for our audience as well. You’re welcome to check us out at bet you cated.com don’t like the word educated but with a be in front. So educated.com. Exactly. And yeah, you will find a whole platform, from Tantra massage to kink to everything in between for singles as well as couples for any sexual orientation. They’re giving you guys a very nice discount of 40% off so I highly recommend taking advantage of that. Yeah. So that’s on the yearly pass and that we’re offering for you percent, I think it’s a great deal. Because you can sort of you don’t have stress to check everything out, you know, over the weekend, you can, you know, take your time, take the courses every couple of weeks or so maybe there’s something happening in your relationship and you want to try something new. So it’s just kind of like a nice companion on the side. And, yeah, I also think it’s great, we’re offering a free trial. So that means you can actually check it out for 24 hours, and only then the credit card is being charged. So so there’s a way for you to kind of tap your toes and see if it’s really, really a fit for you. Right. And, yeah, I’d be, I’m looking forward to maybe having one of your future online courses and educated who knows that too, when that’d be fun, you guys. So anyways, I just want to thank you so much for being here. And honestly, for the work that you do, and I think it’s very cool that like you’ve been doing this for a while, you know, and they have a beautiful platform, the website’s beautifully designed, and you know, it comes through and the quality of what you’ve created. So, so thank you. We’re excited to be connected with you guys. I’m excited to hear from any listeners who check it out. And yeah, thanks, everybody. Thanks, Mariah. Thanks for tuning in. Thank you, Heather.
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