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Instead of parts that might feel guilty fearful, you know, apathetic some of those lower vibrations. Sometimes those hurts, which I think of the parts as being more of our ego and the self is being more of our higher consciousness. So the more we can kind of work with the parts work with the ego rather than trying to banish it, or thinking it’s bad, the more that the self energy or higher consciousness can be running the show.
This is the ASPCA sex therapist podcast, helping you change the way you look at sex. I’m Heather Shannon, and in a world full of sexual censorship, I’ll give you the raw truth about pleasure, intimacy in your relationships and enjoying your body. Because it’s time for you to ask a sex therapist. I am happy to share that this week’s episode is sponsored by educating they’re like the Netflix of sex education. And if you keep listening, I’m gonna give you a really good discount code.
Hey, everyone, I am back. My name is ELoisa and Heather’s Podcast Producer. And in case you missed it, be sure to check out part one of this episode. And you can find the link in the show notes. Now let’s go straight into the continuation of this episode about self energy and becoming more conscious. Enjoy.
And so then we’re gonna move on to courage. So courage is 200. So courage is the tipping point where we start to then gain more positive momentum moving up the scale of consciousness. And so anything over 200 Remember, you’re canceling out potentially, like 1000s of people who are below 200 level. And I think it was like if somebody hit the level of love or enlightenment or something they’re cancelling out like, I mean, not canceling out or like canceling people. But you know, counterbalancing, you know, millions or even a billion people. So yeah, so it’s kind of cool. So courage is where you kind of get to a place where it’s like, I can do some things. Maybe there’s some fear there. But I’m at a level now where like, I can face that. I can believe in myself enough to go forward anyways. And so it’s empowering. And like, once you get to that level of like, let’s see what can happen. Right, let’s see what could happen in your sex life. That level that might be the level of your sex life. Where, you know, you’re ready to have some difficult conversations. Right? Yeah, and to kind of be like, I don’t know how this is gonna go. But I know, I need to do this for myself. The next level is neutrality. And it’s interesting to think that neutrality is actually in the positive range. Right. And I think that I think that’s fascinating. But it’s kind of like, lack of resistance a little bit. There’s more of a sense of trusting that things will be okay. Yeah, you’re not you’re not ecstatic, right? You’re not bouncing off the walls. But there’s, it’s like satisfactory, right? So that’s neutrality, then we have willingness. So willingness is at a level of 310. So at this level, you’re balancing out those 90,000 people under 200. Just by being willing, I think it’s amazing. So, willingness, also, if we apply that to sex. What does that mean? Maybe it’s like, hey, my partner’s men been mentioning something for a while, I’m willing to try it. Right? There’s a sense of optimism, like, you know, I don’t know how this is gonna go. But I think we’re gonna figure it out one way or another. So it doesn’t have to be like an unrealistic naive optimism. But it can kind of be just like a belief that like, you know, we can handle it, like, I’m hopeful like something, something good is probably gonna happen. And so you’re able to be more intentional, because you have that willingness to show up. Okay, so then next, we have the level of acceptance. So acceptance is at 350. And with acceptance, again, you maybe have even a higher level of non resistance. And really, I think the definition of enlightenment is like, zero resistance. And so with acceptance, you’re not trying to change your partner, you’re not really trying to change yourself in with that, sometimes there might have to be some feeling of feelings, like how we really don’t change, or I don’t try and change someone else. I have to forgive myself, actually have compassion for myself, I have to have compassion for this other person. And so there’s a level of grace that comes with acceptance, because you have to keep in mind even as we’re moving up these levels, you’re still very human right? I Sometimes used to have the idea that like, you know, I’m just gonna be a little Buddha and like I won’t be susceptible to all these like human failings. No, you still are, even if you’re like moving up this level of consciousness. In fact, I heard Eckhart Tolle, my favorite spiritual teacher, give an example of someone who had become enlightened and still smoked cigarettes. And I was like, That’s crazy to me, but fascinating. So just realizing, though, that like, it’s not gonna be perfect, but you might have a little bit more grace, more compassion. Alright, so then the next level, and I was a little surprised by this one is reason. So it’s kind of like logic, rationality, is a level of 400. And so when I think of this, and some of the benefits of this level, when it comes to, you know, intimate relationships, this may look like Not, not taking things too, personally, not making decisions from a place of emotional reactivity, but really just being able to look at like, Okay, what’s here? And what can we do with what’s here? And so there’s like, a wisdom, there’s a wisdom in that it’s not, I don’t think of it, you know, I think this is maybe why this level surprise me. It’s not this sort of cold, detached rationality, it’s really more of this, like, understanding, and, you know, wisdom, and, you know, removing some of that, like, maybe you don’t get triggered as much, right? So instead of sort of, like, I’m triggered, and, you know, I’m things are escalating with my partner, and, you know, we’re being defensive and whatever, it’s just kind of like, Okay, those are feeling cool, you know, work with it. Alright, so then the next level is love. And I think it’s interesting, they don’t have love as being the highest on the scale. I also want to mention that you might look at other scales, they might have like different words, but like, the gist is the same. So let’s keep that in mind. So love is at a level of 500. And I’ve also heard love defined as appreciation. And I think for those of us who maybe struggle with the word love or like, oh, I don’t want to say it, like, what’s it gonna mean? Like, it can be so loaded sometimes. Like, what if you just looked at it as like a deep appreciation? I think that can really help with that. So anyways, so this level of love, again, keep in mind with both the lower levels and the higher levels, this means this is your predominant, like modus operandi, like, this is your perspective on the world in general. So if you’re on a level of law, that means you love everybody, right? That means you love Donald Trump and Joe Biden. That means you love your partner on their good days and their bad days. That means you love yourself when you like, quote, unquote, screw something up, you know, or, when you have a great achievement, you know, it’s just this idea of like, this is how you exist now, this is who you are, this is how you show up in the world. You are Love. Alright, so then the next level we have is joy. And this is 540 and the zero to 1000 scale. So there’s this idea of like, bliss, I think of joy as being kind of bliss, right? Joy, it’s like there’s this revelry, there’s this and you can kind of tell like, if you look at that lower level we were out with like, grief, apathy, guilt, shame versus joy, you can sense that like increased energy, sort of this like low energy of like, I’m just barely functioning to like, you’re vibrating with joy, right? Like you see and appreciate even more deeply like nature and maybe feel you know, listen to music or dance and feel joy, maybe you meet new people and you feel joy connecting. This becomes your predominant state. Right? So there’s, I also want to be clear, there are not so nominee people at this level. And it’s like if 85% or below 200. Now we’re up at you know, 549 a ton of people that like exist on this level, on a day to day basis. But it’s good to know it’s possible, right? And so when I think of Eckhart Tolle, I think he’s, you know, somewhere up here in these high ranges, you can tell there’s really no resistance, like he found out he had cancer earlier this year and was like, okay, or last year was, yeah, she felt very present. Like that was his reaction. There was no sort of like, oh, this is bad, or oh, this is going to meet all these difficult things. It was just present which is wild to me. So next, we have a level of peace. And that is a 600. And it’s, it’s sort of like, yeah, it’s everything is one. Everything is perfect. And actually, Eckhart Tolle describes this in his power of now, but when he had an awakening, there was a sense that like, traffic is perfect. people yelling at each other is perfect. You know, and it can be, it can be so hard for those of us who are not enlightened Um, to conceptualize that, but that’s what that level is. And then, on this map of consciousness, enlightenment is defined is anywhere between a 700 and a 1000. And that means just pure consciousness. Right? It’s kind of like being one with Source energy. So I hope this is helpful to kind of understand these things. And I also wanted to mention some of the qualities of self energy. This is sort of another way that we can kind of view our consciousness in general and, and how we want to approach our intimate relationships. So some of the qualities of self energy, there’s actually the eight C’s of self energy, according to internal family systems. So I’m going to read them off to you, and then we’ll get into them a little bit. So competence, calmness, creativity, clarity, curiosity, courage, compassion, and connectedness. And so the idea is, you don’t need someone else, to quote unquote, make you feel this way. I think that’s one of the main issues that we get into in relationships is outsourcing, you know, our confidence, outsourcing, feeling connected, even outsourcing, you know, our energy to do things, like, Oh, if someone else was here, if someone else could help me with us, then I could do these things and be courageous. Right? But the idea is, this is actually who you really are. Your self energy is your you know, deeper essence. You can think of it as like spirit, source, energy, soul, whatever word kind of resonates with you, your inner divine spark, you know, whatever language you want to use. But what would it also look like to bring these qualities to your sex life? Right? What if you’re really curious? What if you didn’t really think you had it figured out? But you also still felt confident? You know, what if there was a sense of like playful creativity? What if there was just sort of clarity on like, what to do next? Right. And so I think it’s really kind of wild, because it’s not, I think, where we generally exist, but to have this goal of being able to access self energy more, and to have yourself energy running the show, so to speak. So instead of parts that might feel guilty, fearful, you know, apathetic some of those lower vibrations, sometimes those hearts, which I think of the parts as being more of our ego, and the self has been more of our higher consciousness. So the more we can kind of work with the parts work with the ego, rather than trying to banish it, or thinking it’s bad, the more that the self energy or higher consciousness can be running the show. So hopefully, that makes sense to you guys. So what does it look like to move up the scale of consciousness or to incorporate more self energy when it comes to sex? So some of the things that I see with people are, you know, people show up with a lot of ego when it comes to sex. It’s almost like, ooh, this feels vulnerable. So like, let’s bring along a few of my defense mechanisms. And that might look like, you know, bragging about sacks that might look like, you know, oh, well, I you know, I have a huge deck, or, you know, I am so oral are like, Oh, my God, we have the best blow jobs Just you wait, right. And it’s like, what have we don’t have to do and your partner might like that. And if it whatever, if that’s something your partner in your, like Intuit, it’s working for you great. But in general, just notice where it’s coming from, to, again, you might say the same thing. But if it’s coming from a place of insecurity, that’s not going to really be serving you if it’s coming from a place of like playfulness, or like, you know, hey, I know my partner likes it when I you know, I’m just kind of like cocky with sex. That’s different, right? So notice where it’s coming from, be curious about it. But so that’s one thing that I noticed with people that tends not to work, there’s also then sometimes a shutdown of communication. So with that, instead of embracing courage, it’s kind of like, Ooh, I have to pretend like I know what I’m doing. I’m supposed to just have this all figured out. Right? And so that might be coming from a lower vibration, emotion. Whereas when we’re embodying self energy, and we are coming from a place of confidence, we maybe don’t have to do that. Right. So the other things that I see a lot with people are, you know, difficulty really owning their sexuality and being authentic. So whether they’re You know, attracted to people of all genders? Or maybe they’re attracted to trans people, maybe there’s some fear. They’re like, Oh, what if this is, you know, a person that I would want to pursue for a relationship? What will my family think? So there might be the level of fear there, what would it look like, if that was the level of acceptance? Instead of the level of fear, it might look like, Hey, this is who I’m attracted to. Cool. That’s fun to be attracted. You know, and then there’s also with the acceptance, maybe the forgiving yourself, and it’s like, Okay, I did have some discomfort, with this attraction. And one of the things I can forgive myself for that, and now I’m in a place of acceptance, and allowing, so people might show up with some, you know, erectile dysfunction and feel uncomfortable about that. So oftentimes, what’s going on with that is actually really strong desire to please their partner, and you know, to the point that it feels like pressure. So that might, again, be the level of fear or you’re experiencing anxiety, right, sort of like a performance anxiety type of thing. Let’s see, if someone’s feeling pride that might look more of like the cocky approach. Or if someone’s at the level of anger, I don’t know that they would be having sex. But they might, that that could be like, maybe you just had a big fight, and then you’d like angrily, passionately have sex. But you know, maybe it’s almost like you’re acting out your anger and the sex? What if that were to look more like courage that might be getting vulnerable. So instead of like, having the angry sex, which, you know, again, it was working for you? Don’t worry about it. But if it’s not, you know, what would it look like to be courageous? To me that’s getting to what is below the anger? What’s that vulnerable part that needs to be acknowledged, and then you have the courage to have that conversation. And then you have more connected sacks, and you’re in more of yourself, energy, feeling connected, right? So that’s basically how this works. What are some of the things you can do to move up the scale of consciousness, listening to the podcast, obviously, I am going to link to some resources. So I think continuing to educate yourself, maybe, you know, check out the letting go book by David Hawkins, check out some of the internal family systems books, there’s a really good one called Your the one you’ve been waiting for by Richard Schwartz, I will link to that in the show notes as well. And I will also share, like, in my own personal life, one of the things that I have mentioned before on the show is that, you know, when I was in a longer term relationship, there was this idea that, Oh, I need to make sure we’re having sex so that like, everything will be okay. And I do actually think that came from some of the lower vibration levels, too. So I think there was some fear of like, you know, if we’re not having sex enough, as bad, the relationships gonna fall apart, and you know, I’m going to be alone or whatever. And there was maybe also some pride of like, I don’t want it to look bad, you know, that we’re more not having more regular sex, or that I don’t have as much of a libido in this relationship right now. So over time, through surrounding myself with sex positive people, which is another thing you can do, through attending workshops, through reading about sexuality, through talking to people that I met, along the way, through working on my own attachment style, through getting more comfortable talking about sex, and in having a little bit of courage. So I do think that is a pivotal turning point. So it’s like, if you can get to courage, it’s kind of like you’re over the hump in terms of your level of consciousness. And so now, I would approach that situation so much differently. You know, I would probably hold space more for the other person, I’d probably be more curious. So yeah, bringing some more self energy into the experience through curiosity, I would probably connect with myself more and be more honest with myself about what was really working, I would probably have a conversation with my partner. Also, I’m more of a gentle more of a gentle way. So I think there would be more of that level of acceptance, forgiveness, instead of kind of blaming him for not approaching sex the way I wanted, or wondering if I was, you know, too difficult to please or, you know, feeling like we had to have this like perfunctory sex. What if he had approached it with more understanding, more compassionate for me and him more hopefulness or just willingness to show up more love? In doesn’t mean like love in the sense of romantic love, but more just like, what if I can love and accept both of us exactly as we are? Right? And so I think that’s what it can look like to move up the levels of consciousness. And this was a decade ago for me or more. And so this is not necessarily stuff that you know takes place overnight. Like, maybe you’ll have like a profound spiritual awakening like Eckhart Tolle did probably not, though, like 99.9% of us are not going to have that. But we can just become more aware, we can get support, we can kind of do the work. And maybe you have a partner who’s willing to do some of that with you, which would be pretty amazing. So your homework, Your mission, should you choose to accept it is to reflect on where are you out currently? Where are you predominantly at on this scale of consciousness? You know, are you at pride or anger? Are you at desire? Or are you a bit, you know, acceptance or reason or willingness? And what does that look like? And I would say, find out what is the level one one level above where you think you’re at, and start aiming for that level. So even if you’re like, Well, shit, you know, I’m down there and shame. Guilt doesn’t sound too great. So what? Aim for one level above where you’re at once, then once you’re at guilt, aim for apathy. That one’s right apathy, aimbridge grief, right, because when we try to jump to many levels, it’s almost like a shock to our system. And we don’t really yet have the beliefs to support maintaining that level. And so by just going one rung at a time, it’s easier for our beliefs to kind of catch up with us. So I hope it’s helpful for you guys. Again, I love this topic. So reach out to me if you have any questions about it, or just kind of want to discuss it more. And I know this was a little longer than usual, but hopefully, it was worth it for you guys.
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