062: Wild Nights with Dustin Rybka from Sex Party
Dustin Rybka [00:00:00]:
I get into bed, okay, start making out. Whatever. No more bra and underwear. She’s completely naked this time. The bra and underwear are gone by the time I get in there. And so I reach in the drawer, put on a condom, we start having crazy sex, and it’s, like, rough. Turn her around, down, the whole thing. And we both have orgasms that are kind of loud, but there’s music, and it’s like we’re kind of using that to our advantage or whatever.
Dustin Rybka [00:00:39]:
And so I’m like, okay, see you out there. And she’s like, whatever. The lights never came back. Why would I turn the light back on? Right?
Heather [00:00:50]:
So scared.
Dustin Rybka [00:00:52]:
You should be scared. There’s a big twist coming.
Heather [00:00:58]:
This is the ask a sex therapist podcast, helping you change the way you look at sex. I’m Heather Shannon, and in a world full of sexual censorship, I’ll give you the raw truth about pleasure, intimacy in your relationships and enjoying your body, because it’s time for you to ask a sex therapist. Hey, everybody. I am here with a very fun guest today, my buddy Dustin. He has spent 15 years in the nightlife and learned a lot in the process about sex and about humans. And he wanted to continue that party minus the nightlife. And so, a couple of years ago, he started the sex party podcast, and I’ve been a guest twice on his podcast, and I thought it was about time that he comes on ask a sex therapist. So welcome, Dustin.
Dustin Rybka [00:01:52]:
I’m so happy to be here. Yeah. I feel like you’ve been an incredible guest on my podcast and taught all of us, myself, in the audience over there, about many different things that we needed to know about. Right?
Heather [00:02:08]:
I try. Thank you.
Dustin Rybka [00:02:10]:
I’m happy just to be a guest on someone else’s podcast. This is a different version of myself that a lot of people don’t get to see.
Heather [00:02:18]:
I know. I’m excited to get to ask you some questions just because you’ve been the one asking the questions so far. So, it’s fun for me for you to be in the hot seat.
Dustin Rybka [00:02:27]:
Oh, yeah, I love the hot seat.
Heather [00:02:29]:
Okay, that’s good. So, I want to know, did you ever think you’d be a sex podcaster?
Dustin Rybka [00:02:36]:
No, that was never in the plan. Originally, it was like, well, depending how far back you want to go. But originally it was like, actor, director, maybe comedian. Right? Like, I did two years of study at Second City here in Chicago.
Heather [00:02:58]:
Oh, nice.
Dustin Rybka [00:02:59]:
Yeah. A year of acting, a year of improv. That’ll humble you for know, like, growing up. And still to this day, I was obsessed with James Dean and Marlon Brando. And all, you know, is weird. As I got involved in Nightlife, I really fell in love with hosting. And I remember as a kid, being under the blankets, like, watching David Letterman and Saturday Night Live and all that, I always really admired that energy of a host. And so when I went to try to become an actor, I want to.
Heather [00:03:44]:
Hear all about that. How did you attempt to be an actor? What went down?
Dustin Rybka [00:03:48]:
Well, I mean, early on, when I was 18, I remember doing student films and shooting my mouth off at parties that I want to be an actor. And I read every book I could on James Dean. I watched every documentary about every dvd, and I just was obsessed with this dramatic acting, really. And so I was in all these student films, and one of the student films, I was actually naked. So that tape is floating around somewhere.
Heather [00:04:21]:
Probably we’ll link to it in the show notes.
Dustin Rybka [00:04:25]:
Yeah. Just waiting for my announcement to run for Senate or something. Yeah. And so I tried all this stuff early on. I remember I went to New York City just to loiter outside of the actor studio, which is where James Dean and Brando and Pacino and Marilyn Monroe went. So I was like, just, I just wanted to see the building, and I wound up kind of conning my way inside to talk to someone.
Heather [00:04:51]:
I could totally see you doing that.
Dustin Rybka [00:04:53]:
Yeah, I was 19 years old, so it was like, when you’re that age, you just want to touch that. You just want to touch something real, tangible. And I don’t know, I just think that I never would commit to it. Tried to move to New York at one point in time and all that stuff, but it just never really worked out. And then, so when I landed in, know, I just was a huge fan of everybody who’s Come out of Chicago, comedian or not. Yeah, I never really, thing is, I never. You’re. Yeah, you came out of.
Dustin Rybka [00:05:39]:
Yeah, yeah. So when I got here originally, I just thought I kept looking at Second City because a lot of the greats went there. I never really wanted to do comedy, although everyone’s like, oh, you should do comedy. You’re quick and witty and whatever. I want to do drama.
Heather [00:05:57]:
Okay.
Dustin Rybka [00:05:58]:
But they had an acting program, and I went, and it just really scared the shit out of, out of me right away because they were serious, which is great. But it was like I was choosing these monologues that were incredibly difficult to play the psychopath, and I desperately, aggressively wanted to be a method actor. Right. This thing that we hear about all the time. And I remember for one of the parts that I had for one of the monologues, it was this guy who had shot a famous rock star like Allah, Mark David Chapman and John Lennon. And so me being the method actor, right? I’m like, in my peacoat, James Dean in it all over Chicago. And I’m like, walking around thinking about. You’re a like, I’m thinking about shooting.
Dustin Rybka [00:06:59]:
I started to feel incredibly guilty about it. I went to my acting coach, the teacher. I was like, in class, in front of 30 people, I said, I want to be a method actor. And I kind of feel guilty about thinking about shooting all these people I see in public. He’s like, get in the hallway.
Heather [00:07:19]:
What?
Dustin Rybka [00:07:20]:
And I’m like, oh. I’m like, oh, no. Well, he put me in the hallway. So then he’s like, I’ll be out there in a minute, okay? He goes out there and he kind of gets in my face a little bit. He’s like, listen, I’ve been doing this for 45 years. We don’t do that method acting shit. He’s like, the reason you felt guilty is because you have a conscience. He’s like, you’re a character actor.
Dustin Rybka [00:07:42]:
Learn the fucking lines. Do the role. Stop thinking about killing people. I’m like, well, I’m suck because I want to be. Or whatever the weird thing was, it really taught me. I was in my late 20s, early thirty s at that point. And I was like, okay, time’s running out for me. Kind of got a thing, which I don’t believe anymore, but I felt like this ticking clock kind of thing, like, you’re not 18 anymore, number one.
Dustin Rybka [00:08:14]:
And number two, something about acting.
Heather [00:08:22]:
It.
Dustin Rybka [00:08:22]:
Didn’T feel right for some reason. And I felt a strange comfortability in hosting. Right? It’s weird, but almost like reverse. Most people can hide themselves in the roles. They can play a drug addict, they can play a rodeo clown, whatever, right? And they can cry, and they can use their real stuff. For me, it was the reverse. I figured out that I could hide being behind my own face, being the host, if I’m in control. So that’s what happened.
Dustin Rybka [00:08:58]:
And so I kind of, like, completed the acting, the year of acting. And I was like, God, I suck. I was like, what can I do to scare myself to be better? I’ll sign up for improv. And so I did that. An additional year of improv was tons of fun. But again, those nerves were there in a way that I wasn’t used to. And so it was all these theater kids, and they were like, we need someone to host it, and they would just point at me. And the teacher was like, yeah, at the end of it, the teacher slipped me this envelope right before we went up on stage for the big show that you do at the end of the semester.
Dustin Rybka [00:09:41]:
And when I got home and opened it after six shots of whiskey after the show, he’s like, never forget as you move through life that over the course of this calendar year, they look to you to be the host and shepherd them through all this or whatever. He’s like, that’s where your strength is. Figure out how to use that. And I was like, okay, I still have the card, actually. It’s in a frame in my office a couple of years later. Pandemic hits. I’m like, the nightlife shtick is kind of over. I’m not an actor.
Dustin Rybka [00:10:22]:
What am I doing? And I felt really great about being a host. And I obviously had hosted, like, 15 years worth of events and parties and been on the news and been on the radio and comfortable being that guy. I’m a huge movie fan. Obviously, we’ve established that. And it was like, let’s do a movie podcast. Duh. We’re going to talk movies, right? And then I thought, well, I’m such a fan of all these people. When I have a moment, that’s where I go.
Dustin Rybka [00:10:54]:
I go to YouTube. I go to watch, you know, the movie. People break down everything from the Christopher Nolan stuff to the Marvel stuff. I’m a fan of all of it. And I was be number one, I’ll never be as good as these guys. Number two, does the world need another movie podcast? No. And then so I thought, at least not for saw on Instagram. I saw somebody.
Dustin Rybka [00:11:29]:
They posted Alex Cooper. Like, oh, God, I love her so much. And she’s the host of call her daddy, right? This is like a year before anything happened with them.
Heather [00:11:38]:
Okay?
Dustin Rybka [00:11:39]:
So I was like, who is this person? Right? So I looked and I found call her daddy. And she’s like, blowjobs come gang bang, whatever. I’m looking. Wait, you can do that? And I sort of looked at my life, and all the messages in my phone was like, me and women talking about sex, right? It was like, all the conversations that I had in my life that were interesting were about film or about sex. And so I was like, oh, wait a minute. And I was like, wouldn’t that be interesting if the guy who’s totally not qualified would go and find qualified people to interview every week for a sex show? And my life is sort of a party? I know how to throw a party and sex. And sex party. Bam.
Heather [00:12:26]:
Play on words.
Dustin Rybka [00:12:28]:
Thank you. And then here we are.
Heather [00:12:30]:
That’s awesome. It’s really interesting hearing your story and thinking about some of the commonalities. So I never really thought about it as hosting, per se, but I always like welcoming people and making people feel comfortable and if they’re kind of new to a space. I used to be a greeter at the buddhist temple that I went to in Chicago. I don’t know if you’ve seen it. It’s like at Lincoln and Cornelia, it’s got like a bright yellow facade, but yeah, so I would be the greeter and I just loved it. I just loved being present with people and showing them around and telling them how things worked. So I relate to that.
Heather [00:13:06]:
And I also had moments of thinking about acting, which is so interesting that you also mentioned that. So I feel like it’s not an accident that we have these certain commonalities. So basically, if anyone out there is listening and thinking about being a sex podcast host, go be an actor. You should like hosting and welcoming people and you should have a little bit of a penchant for drama.
Dustin Rybka [00:13:32]:
Yeah, that’s the thing is I still treat. If you look at all the teasers or even the app, like, if you look at the episode titles, if you go and look at every episode title for sex Party, there’s either a pop culture or like rock and roll, but mainly film. The first episode. Yeah, little Easter eggs, whatever, in the show. But the first episode of Sex Party is titled welcome to the Party, pal, which is a line from diehard. Yeah. So every single episode usually has some sort of little wink or a nod to that. And the teasers are obviously.
Dustin Rybka [00:14:13]:
I put out 15 teasers a week. You do? They’re very dramatic.
Heather [00:14:17]:
So dramatic. And I love it because I love the drama, too. And I also have a theory. I don’t know if I said this on your show or not, but I think of kink as like drama for sex. And when I’ve gone to a munch or a meetup or something, what I think of is like, oh, it’s like theater kids from high school, but grown up.
Dustin Rybka [00:14:40]:
Yeah, you said that.
Heather [00:14:42]:
But I think that’s interesting that I’m like, it all kind of goes together. I think, like a little bit of the drama and a little bit of wanting to make people comfy and curiosity about sex. And yeah, I think sex is super fun to talk about. So anyways, if anyone wants to start a sex podcast, hit us up.
Dustin Rybka [00:15:04]:
We won’t charge you for advice, or.
Heather [00:15:06]:
Maybe we will probably will. But the other piece you mentioned was kind of about the censorship, and you said with call her dad. You’re like, damn, she’s actually able to say these. You know, I talked about that with Susan Bratton, too, on here, that podcasts are one of the last frontiers where you’re really not censored. You just mark your show explicit, and then people put whatever parental controls they put on their kids phones, and adults can make their own decisions. And I really think that’s how it should be on Instagram and Facebook and all of those other platforms. How. How has that been for you? Like, kind of promoting terrible.
Heather [00:15:49]:
Okay.
Dustin Rybka [00:15:50]:
It’s been absolutely, like, to be honest. First of all, my show is called sex Party. So they’re just, like, automatically outside the gate with a pitchfork and a shotgun, ready to go. No, for real. And I’ve already had them take away one Instagram account and some on my second Instagram account just recently, actually, the week that we’re recording this, my current episode is live wherever you find podcasts, but it is not on YouTube. There’s a 24 hours delay on YouTube because they gave me my first. Well, one of my first community guidelines strike.
Heather [00:16:36]:
I didn’t even know that was a thing. This is good for me.
Dustin Rybka [00:16:38]:
It is a thing. Yeah. And it doesn’t make sense because I went and found a hundred YouTube videos that have this, that say the same things that are all inconsistent. I’m like, hey, well. And then I actually got to a person like, well, there’s nothing we can do. Our internal team. I was like, well, your internal team sucks and needs a. Like, YouTube was the last place that I thought they’d come for me, and now they’re coming for me there.
Heather [00:17:04]:
I’m surprised to hear that, too. I mean, I was just going to say my editor, but my editor is now your editor. My previous editor, though, I had to have her censor. I’m like, here’s all the words to censor, and you need to bleep them out, and then you need to eliminate them in the captions because we. And I want people to know this because this is part of the sex negativity of our culture and why Dustin and I have to do the work that we’re doing in the world and why it’s necessary, because this is what we’re dealing with. It’s like you have a body, you have genitals. Your body is capable of sexual pleasure. Your mind is capable of sexual pleasure.
Heather [00:17:43]:
You were born because of sex and yet let’s just censor the crap out of it and really limit the information and try to prevent all the pleasure because it’s dangerous.
Dustin Rybka [00:17:54]:
Yeah, it’s really scary. Obviously I’ve always hated censorship and I grew up in the shit.
Heather [00:18:05]:
And.
Dustin Rybka [00:18:09]:
How do I say this? It’s so out of control. And I think in a lot of ways Instagram and TikTok, mainly Instagram, I’ll stick with that one. Instagram has become almost like the new church, like the new religion.
Heather [00:18:28]:
It does feel like that to me.
Dustin Rybka [00:18:30]:
It’s really scary. And I think they’ve invented this thing. It’s fucking 20 years old now. Well, Meta is 20 years old and it’s almost, I think obviously it’s worldwide, it’s in everyone’s phones. They have this algorithm, system of algorithms, they have AI now like everywhere. And so to the, not the CEO, but the creative director, whatever the fuck his title is, Adam Moziri over on Instagram, he just comes out in a real cheese sweater and a cool necklace. It’s like, hey, this week on Instagram we’re rolling out turbo bombs. So if you want to throw your friend a turbo bomb, you type in the, like, shut the fuck up.
Dustin Rybka [00:19:23]:
Just turn the engagement back up and let us say and talk about what the fuck we want to do. Right?
Heather [00:19:27]:
They’re not going to anytime soon.
Dustin Rybka [00:19:29]:
No. And they’re setting the bar so in this weird way where they’re literally hunting down sex creators and terminating them. Mine got terminated at the time. I was talking to somebody really big, which I’m engaging with again to try to get on my show and she.
Heather [00:19:50]:
Was almost as big as me. Would you say JK?
Dustin Rybka [00:19:59]:
She’s over in the UK and she was like leading a protest outside the meta offices. I mean, Wired magazine wound up doing a story because of what she did, but then it just goes, know for was because the name of the show is sex party with Dustin Rivka and I changed the picture to a picture of myself with whatever. And because of those two things, my name is in it. I got a picture of me. I was able to get a blue check mark for sex party and pay for it every month. And since I did that, they just left me alone. Interesting, very interesting.
Heather [00:20:41]:
That’s a good point too. I definitely get content warnings like this. Content may go against our guidelines and your account is not being shown to anyone. But that’s the worst I’ve gotten so far. And I got a blue check mark for being quoted in Cosmo and women’s health. I do think that maybe that helps where they’re like, okay, maybe she’s sort of legit. They still don’t like me.
Dustin Rybka [00:21:07]:
Yeah, but I mean, why? When is that going to change? And what’s the end goal to eliminate sex and sexual pleasure from?
Heather [00:21:18]:
It’s a great question. As much as I think it’s important, I also support people’s right not to listen to my podcast. It’s like people don’t have to listen to it. If they’d rather be unhappy and have fewer orgasms, that’s fine. I don’t understand.
Dustin Rybka [00:21:41]:
Welcome. The weird thing in all this is that over on Facebook, I managed somehow to build a Facebook page for sex party with Dustin Ribka. That is like around 64, 65,000.
Heather [00:21:57]:
That’s incredible.
Dustin Rybka [00:21:58]:
All organic. And the thing is, I’ve had a couple. Nothing is edited over there, by the way. It’s all.
Heather [00:22:04]:
And it’s a business page, which I feel like it’s harder to grow a business page than like a personal page or a group even.
Dustin Rybka [00:22:10]:
And that’s because there’s been, I would say, at least one reel a month will go over half a million. But there are, like three or four that have hit 2 million.
Heather [00:22:21]:
Okay.
Dustin Rybka [00:22:22]:
And gone viral. And so it just dumps in. And a lot of it is like, hate likes. So there are people that like the page and then just hate on every fucking thing I post and probably report it. But I asked an expert friend of mine in social media what’s going on. Why have I had not received? Because I’m just waiting for them to pull the plug on it. And they’re like, oh, because you’re delivering them too much traffic. And I’m like, wait a minute.
Dustin Rybka [00:22:50]:
So it’s like the mafia, right? As long as you’re an earner, they won’t fucking take you out. But if you’re not earning, then you’re out. He’s like, yeah. He’s like, they’re not going to eliminate somebody who potentially would get them 2 million views for them to put ads on. And here’s the crazier part. They’re fucking paying me. Yeah. I signed up for monetization.
Dustin Rybka [00:23:15]:
Like, this will never work. And the last six months, they paid me every single month. It just deposits right in my account.
Heather [00:23:23]:
That’s so crazy.
Dustin Rybka [00:23:24]:
Thanks. Meta, right?
Heather [00:23:26]:
It’s like hearing what you’re saying. You’re just like, clearly the system is not working in the best interest of humanity. It’s set up very specifically for them to make money, period. So I think those of you who are like, hey, sex is important and we need to talk about it. I think podcast is the way to be. Check out Dustin’s podcast. Keep listening here. Find some other ones you like.
Heather [00:23:50]:
But this is where you’re going to find uncensored content. This is kind of it. And even with advertisers, I’ve had a few people reach out about partnering or they want me to promote their products. And I’m fairly fussy, and it’s often not worth the time for what they want to pay me.
Dustin Rybka [00:24:06]:
But we’re not dealing with her. Yeah, send the lube to somebody else.
Heather [00:24:12]:
Exactly. It was a lube company I was thinking of. It’s always a lube company, but it’s like they have nowhere else to promote their products, too, because they’re getting censored all over the place, too. And so part of me is like, it’s a wonder that anyone is finding any educational information about.
Dustin Rybka [00:24:34]:
It’S. So again, I go back to this thing. What is the end goal? Is it just so you can sleep better at night? And who is you? Is it Mark Zuckerberg or Adam Moses? I’m not sure what the issue is.
Heather [00:24:51]:
Yeah, I think it’s all money.
Dustin Rybka [00:24:53]:
Well, yeah, but it’s also completely. Why target sex, right? And it’s okay to run ads for Viagra, but you can’t for a period fucking thing. What’s the message?
Heather [00:25:07]:
Right? Because periods are gross, women’s genitals are.
Dustin Rybka [00:25:10]:
Well, again, it’s sort of a we hate women thing.
Heather [00:25:13]:
Right?
Dustin Rybka [00:25:14]:
That’s the approach that I’ve taken on my show is like, oh, no, I might be some heterosexual white dude. Literally the last demographic we need to hear from on sex. But I have a female guest every time, and so I’m sort of like. And I get called all sorts of names for that from other dudes who probably haven’t seen a real woman ever. That’s my fight, is that I don’t think that any of this gets better until everything is equal. And if you don’t believe that, fuck right off. Because I just think there’s just no way that until women are making as much, women are able to participate as much, women are able to come as much. Unequivocally and unapologetically, women are able to watch whatever porn they like and sleep whenever they want.
Dustin Rybka [00:26:12]:
Until women are equal to men, it doesn’t get better. And I’ll speak to any dudes who may be listening, but imagine how much better your life would be and how much better sex would be and coming home from a long day’s work would be if things were equal for your female partner. You know what I mean? If it wasn’t this slanted thing. So I’m of the mind, and I have four sisters and am incredibly close with my mom and was incredibly close to my grandmother. Those women raised me. And so it’s like, I just don’t think anything gets any better until things are at least equal to me. It’s a no brainer.
Heather [00:27:00]:
I appreciate that. I appreciate men who are feminists, like you said, white men who are feminists and trying to do something positive out there with it. And I think you’re kind of showing an example. It’s like you can be very sexual and have a sex podcast and also be really appreciative of women and not. I think people have all these assumptions, so it’s good to just debunk those.
Dustin Rybka [00:27:27]:
Yeah. And people just like, there’s this weird thing where it’s like, I’m far from perfect. We can talk about this. I’ve gaslit. I’ve been a shitty partner, all the things. But the thing is, I just don’t think that you get anywhere until you just start being yourself. I don’t know, ultimately find a way to be who you are and just go for that. And I just think that that’s the difference.
Dustin Rybka [00:28:03]:
Nowadays, you do have men who will say what they feel and whatever, but most of the time it’s just, like, shitty and bad behavior. Wait a minute. Why would you want to hurt people and put people. For what reasons? You can go home and masturbate with glass on your. Or what is. What is the problem? I don’t get it. If you’re pissing everyone off and you’re putting down every woman, or every dude is less of a man because he sticks up for a woman and all these things.
Heather [00:28:38]:
Who are you?
Dustin Rybka [00:28:39]:
Friends. Oh, exactly. Like, could you imagine being Andrew Tate’s mom?
Heather [00:28:45]:
Oh, God.
Dustin Rybka [00:28:47]:
Exactly. That’s what I mean.
Heather [00:28:48]:
I wonder if she was, like, mean to him and that’s why he has issues potentially.
Dustin Rybka [00:28:53]:
I mean, I don’t know the story there, but Jesus, that would be a question.
Heather [00:28:56]:
I saw some ridiculous quote on Instagram, and so I’m not going to claim it’s 100% true, but it was like he had tweeted something that was like, real men don’t get hungry. Real men don’t need to eat food or something. And I’m like, do you have.
Dustin Rybka [00:29:08]:
That’s got to be fair.
Heather [00:29:09]:
I think it was maybe real. It was sort of like, you should be tough and you shouldn’t need to be full. And I’m like, this is weird. I think you have body dysmorphia. Andrew Tate.
Dustin Rybka [00:29:19]:
Oh, he totally does.
Heather [00:29:20]:
Okay. No. Anyways, but I wanted to ask you, how did you get passionate about sex? I mean, a lot of people like sex, but what made you think like, I want to do a deep dive on this.
Dustin Rybka [00:29:34]:
Great question here on ask a sex therapist. I think secretly, but really I think a big part of the reason I became a promoter host nightlife guy was because I was just at 19, I was sick and tired of using pickup lines and I just didn’t feel good being a normal person. Right. I needed to find a stage because I thought, okay, if I can just find a way to elevate myself, they’ll just come to me.
Heather [00:30:10]:
Right.
Dustin Rybka [00:30:10]:
So be careful what you wish for. Because within a year, two years, I was involved in the nightlife. And then someone offered me a job and I took it and was really good at it. And our first big event together, they normally would do like two to 400 people with this event. We had like 2500 people show up. Yeah. And so it was like zero to 900 really fast. And with that was exactly what I wanted was a lot of attention.
Dustin Rybka [00:30:51]:
I was terrible on the microphone. The DJ had dripped it out of my hands. Yeah, I mean, I had to learn. It’s like a fucking firing squad. But there’s no better way to learn, right? There was just a ton of sex and it was like being thrown at me. The more successful I would be and the less that I would pay attention to women, the more women would throw themselves at me, which is very nice. It does sound nice for you.
Heather [00:31:25]:
Yes.
Dustin Rybka [00:31:26]:
And so the way I promoted was like you’d have a nightclub on a regular night, it’s like seven, eight, 9000 people in it. And I would take the microphone at the very end once I was comfortable with it or better at it. And I would say like, okay, the party’s over, but for a few of you. And I would invite 100 people back to my apartment to the chagrin of my roommate. Oh my God. Who we had to double up whiskey shots for just to get them to go away. What happened was I think over time people began to think, okay, this guy is available. But in a way that’s like, it doesn’t matter who he’s dating, doesn’t matter who he’s linked to or whatever it is.
Dustin Rybka [00:32:23]:
If I pay the COVID I’m going home with him or I’m going back to his apartment. I know he’s whatever. And so that sort of became a thing where I was promoting the clubs and all those things, but it was more so, like, I would talk to these people. I would learn my sort of usual Saturday, if Saturday is the big night, is, I would get up at whatever time, workout and try to shake off Friday’s hangover. And then you’d hit the mall or something while you’re going through on your phone and whatever, and then like, okay, whose birthday is it today? You’d go and hit three birthday parties and then stop by the pool party and then have one drink at ten places, and then you’d go to work because you, oh, my gosh. And so people would just be really excited, and I would know how many this guy’s dating so and so, but is cheating on her with this person and this girl doesn’t like her. I knew all that and I never ratted it on anybody. And so it was a lot about relationships, but when it became like this, sort of, I’m there, I’m on stage, I’ve been at 30 places in one day, and then we’re going to have an after party.
Dustin Rybka [00:33:47]:
You would have women that would be competing, sort of like for who’s going to wind up in my bed and all those things. And that was something that no kid back in Ohio, that’s like a 1% out of a million kind of a thing. And I knew that when I had that, and I was incredibly grateful for it and partsook and all sorts of wacky shit we can get into, but so I went from having, being a 19, 2021 year old who was having the normal amount of sex, which is like once a month or once every week or whatever, once a weekend or something, to having sex like three, four, five times a week with three, four or five different partners.
Heather [00:34:38]:
Wow.
Dustin Rybka [00:34:39]:
Yeah. And it was like the kind of sex that you’d want to be having in your wild, like anything goes, like threesomes, foursomes, all those things, right? And it was that wild nightlife kind of shit. And it was fucking great. And so I had always been interested in sex, and that just sort of fed it, kept feeding it. And then in the later years, I think what I said, the foundation I laid so beautifully just now. No kidding. It’s my podcast ego coming through. There you go.
Dustin Rybka [00:35:18]:
About people feeling comfortable with me is when I got into my people were still kind of clubbing, but I would have like three events a year at that point instead of every weekend.
Heather [00:35:32]:
Okay.
Dustin Rybka [00:35:33]:
So I was, like, doing more social media consulting, but still doing two, three events, a big New Year’s party, big Halloween party. I don’t know, something in the summer or something. And they were big. They were bangers. There was a couple of thousand people per. But women who. It was the strangest thing, but women who were in relationships, like, whether they had a boyfriend or they were married or they were engaged, they would just gravitate to me, usually first through social media or text, and it would turn sexual incredibly fast.
Heather [00:36:11]:
Interesting.
Dustin Rybka [00:36:12]:
And some of them, it would become physical between the two of us. And others were just like. It was just a digital thing, right? They would send pictures and we would, like, sext and whatever. But that became a thing that lasted for a really long time, for a period of time in my life. In my mid to late thirty s, I would say 80% to 90% of the women that were texting me that I was involved with all had partners that had no idea. Right? And I say this because I had one rule in that, and it was that I’m not going to go and snatch someone from their partner. I don’t need to. I don’t want to.
Dustin Rybka [00:36:58]:
It doesn’t turn me on. No, it turns me on. If I present the fact that they have a husband, they have a boyfriend, they have a fiance, and they still cross the line. Now I’m intrigued.
Heather [00:37:12]:
Like a bad girl.
Dustin Rybka [00:37:15]:
Pretty much, yeah, I’m definitely a bad girl. When they would say, like, oh, yeah, the first sexual comment would come out because you could almost time it by your watch, right? I would be like, oh, well, like, you know, you. But you have a. You have a boyfriend or you have a husband or you’re married or you’re blah, blah, blah, blah. And then they’d be like, does that bother you? Or something like that. And I’d be like, it doesn’t bother me. But one, because that way there’s a text in there, so when the husband finds it and he’s like, okay, he did say something to her, maybe I’ll spare him. Whatever.
Heather [00:37:51]:
Who’s you trying not to die?
Dustin Rybka [00:37:54]:
Yeah. And two, that puts down a very firm line, like, I know, and you know, right? And if you still cross it now I’m horny.
Heather [00:38:05]:
I’m so honest. I love how honest you are.
Dustin Rybka [00:38:10]:
What am I going to do?
Heather [00:38:11]:
Why else be here? All right, so I’d love to hear a story or two about some of the wild things in nightclubs I’m not super familiar with nightclub scenes. I’m sure a lot of the listeners are not either. So what went down? What kind of crazy things happened?
Dustin Rybka [00:38:29]:
Oh, jeez. I’m trying to think of some stories I haven’t told. Right. So you can get some fresh ones.
Heather [00:38:34]:
Okay.
Dustin Rybka [00:38:35]:
So there’s one story, and I won’t go into super detail because they’ve heard this one a million times if they’ve seen me on other podcasts. There was one night we’re doing the after hours party, and what we would do is we’d go to the grocery store that week, and we’d just get 50 pizzas and 1015 cases of beer and 1015 bottles. Right. And sometimes the nightclub would just provide the booze or whatever, but we would really take it seriously. And you had to be invited. Even though I would say it on the microphone, people would swarm because I would point to the best friend or something, and I’d be like. It’d be their job to then delegate who got in and who didn’t. So it was a very well organized system.
Dustin Rybka [00:39:26]:
Well, as it could be at 02:00.
Heather [00:39:27]:
A.M. Because you have to give out people, your address to people. Right.
Dustin Rybka [00:39:31]:
Yeah. And the thing is, maybe you had someone there the week before and they were just a fucking disaster. And they know, and so now they’re coming whether they’re invited or not. So eventually we did put a big, stocky dude at the door say, know, Janine can’t fucking come this two. Two weeks. You can’t. She threw the jelly. Yeah.
Dustin Rybka [00:39:56]:
Fucking Janine, man.
Heather [00:39:57]:
Okay.
Dustin Rybka [00:39:58]:
Yeah. So we would do little things like that. And then if I looked across and Josh is talking to a girl, and he’s, like, giving me the look, like, I don’t know. I don’t know about this one. Whatever, I could just be like. And that meant, yes.
Heather [00:40:16]:
Okay.
Dustin Rybka [00:40:17]:
And I could go like that. And that meant you’re, like, symbol.
Heather [00:40:19]:
So you’d be like, salute or a peace sign.
Dustin Rybka [00:40:21]:
And that would be like, yes or no. Peace is like, bye. Right.
Heather [00:40:27]:
Okay.
Dustin Rybka [00:40:27]:
I’ll see you over there.
Heather [00:40:29]:
I like that. It’s a good system.
Dustin Rybka [00:40:31]:
Yeah. And my apartment was located conveniently, suspiciously, conveniently close to the club, too. So we would have a caravan. Right. I would drive out first or whoever was driving me with the know. And as long as there wasn’t, like, someone’s fiance at the time, like Lee Harvey Oswald from I was. Okay. I would make it to after hours, but usually my roommate would head over about, like, half hour before I would make the announcement.
Dustin Rybka [00:41:04]:
The friends would weed people out. Cool. And it would be like 50 to 100 people. But it was a small apartment.
Heather [00:41:10]:
It’s a lot of people in an apartment in Chicago. Yeah.
Dustin Rybka [00:41:13]:
Well, this was in Ohio. We did do it in Chicago. Yeah. Either way. Either way.
Heather [00:41:19]:
Yes.
Dustin Rybka [00:41:19]:
Yeah. They’re about the same size. This one particular evening, I went into my room, which is normally locked. Like, usually go in there, and, I don’t know, whatever I have to do. Kick my shoes off, fucking change, whatever. And so I go in my room, which is just normally locked. This time it wasn’t. I don’t know why.
Dustin Rybka [00:41:44]:
She may have picked the lock. But I go in my room, and I turned a light on, and there’s just a girl in my bed. Right?
Heather [00:41:53]:
This is crazy.
Dustin Rybka [00:41:54]:
Bra and underwear. She’s just in bra and underwear, and she’s like, oh, hi there. And I know her, but I don’t know her like that. Right.
Heather [00:42:02]:
So you’d never had sex with her before?
Dustin Rybka [00:42:04]:
No, we’d never had sex before. There’s a little flirting. Oh, it gets crazier. And so I was like, hold that home. There was 30 people in my 30 with people, okay. Yeah. People were partying and drinking. Whatever.
Dustin Rybka [00:42:18]:
And so she’s like, hey, Mr. Or whatever.
Heather [00:42:23]:
She said, I don’t know.
Dustin Rybka [00:42:24]:
It was definitely not, hey, Mr.
Heather [00:42:25]:
But hey, jeez.
Dustin Rybka [00:42:29]:
Yeah. Hey, stranger. No, that’s not good. She’s like, how are you doing? And I was like, oh, I’m good. I was like, hang on. I need to give somebody something. Hold that thought.
Heather [00:42:39]:
Okay.
Dustin Rybka [00:42:40]:
I flip the light off, and I leave my room, and I go back out to the party. And of course, I get tied up for, like, 15 minutes. Right?
Heather [00:42:53]:
You basically forget about the half naked woman on your bed.
Dustin Rybka [00:42:57]:
Okay. Yeah, I do, like, two shots. I wind up in a hat. I’m like, I got to get back to the dean. There’s somebody in my bed. Whatever. So I go back in there. I don’t turn the light on.
Dustin Rybka [00:43:08]:
Very important plot point, right?
Heather [00:43:10]:
I’m scared.
Dustin Rybka [00:43:11]:
I get into bed, okay, start making out. Whatever.
Heather [00:43:16]:
Okay.
Dustin Rybka [00:43:18]:
No more bra and underwear. She’s completely naked this time. The bra and underwear are gone by the time I get in there. And so I reach in the drawer, put on a condom, we start having crazy sex, and it’s, like, rough. Turn her around, the whole thing. And we both have orgasms that are kind of loud, but there’s music, and it’s like we’re kind of using that to our advantage or whatever. And so I’m like, okay, see you out there. And she’s like, whatever.
Dustin Rybka [00:43:58]:
The lights never came back. Why would I turn the light back on? Right.
Heather [00:44:02]:
So scared.
Dustin Rybka [00:44:03]:
You should be scared. There’s a big twist coming. I love that you’re just, like, dying right now. I go back out to the party, and I’m just like, hey, just got laid. The whole thing. And I’m like, doing shots, whatever. And I see in front of me the girl I just had sex with, which is impossible because my bedroom is behind me. No one’s come out naked.
Heather [00:44:30]:
We thought.
Dustin Rybka [00:44:31]:
So I climbed through the now 60, 75 people that are there.
Heather [00:44:36]:
Oh, gosh.
Dustin Rybka [00:44:36]:
And I’m like, what magic is that? And she’s like, what do you mean? And who the fuck is that stupid bitch that kicked me out of your room? Yeah. So I had sex with a stranger who came in there, apparently, according to the original girl number one, and was, like, ready to fucking fistfight her. Saw that she was in bra and underwear, decided to one up it, went completely naked and waited. I don’t think the intention was to deceive, but I had sex with a complete stranger without even knowing who it was.
Heather [00:45:14]:
Did you ever find out who?
Dustin Rybka [00:45:15]:
Yeah, that night. I have fucking anxiety, and I’m not.
Heather [00:45:20]:
Going to fucking make me so anxious, too.
Dustin Rybka [00:45:22]:
Oh, yeah. I grabbed them both and was like, why didn’t we just do, like, a group thing and whatever. It became, like a gag, but it’s like this wild. Yeah, there’s that story. And then there was another one where there was five girls that were out for a bachelorete party. There was some fight that happened. They split off from the ten girls. There was just five of them.
Dustin Rybka [00:45:52]:
And they just kind of, like, hung out with me. They’re like, we don’t really do club here. And whatever. I was like, yeah. I was like, hang out up here in this little area with the DJ. Help yourself. There’s a waitress that’ll come around, tell you on my tab and whatever. And so they were drinking and they’re on stage.
Dustin Rybka [00:46:11]:
There’s 1000 people. Whatever, okay. They’re in their own little. There’s vip, and then there’s like, oh, I work here vip, so it’s very different.
Heather [00:46:19]:
This is like the special. I work here. Vip. Yeah.
Dustin Rybka [00:46:22]:
This is like, up on this big stage. Here’s the DJ booth. But then behind into the side of him is, like, an area for people that you can’t even pay to get in there. It’s just an area that I use. That I use.
Heather [00:46:32]:
Okay.
Dustin Rybka [00:46:33]:
Yeah. So once in a while you’d have people come to the club, and they would separate from their friends or some sort of something. A good friend is in from out of town. My friends, they had their jackets up there and their valuables. There’s a security guy, all those things. So I was like, hey, come on up. Sorry about your bachelorete party. So they’re drinking and whatever, and then, of course, after hours, and they’re like, hey, can we come back to your house? We never get to go out.
Dustin Rybka [00:47:03]:
I was like, sure, and whatever. So we’re back at the same thing. Here we go again. We’re back at my apartment playing drinking games. We had this thing where we used to play if you knocked down the Jenga tower, you had to do a shot. But it was like a shot that had been added to by everybody else who had knocked down the top. Yeah, it was a whole thing you.
Heather [00:47:26]:
Do in your.
Dustin Rybka [00:47:30]:
Right. We played a couple of rounds of that, and one thing led to another. I don’t remember exactly how it happened, but there’s me and five girls in my bedroom. One of them was, like, flirting with me, and then the other one got kind of territorial. And at this point, it had been 6 hours of drinking.
Heather [00:47:52]:
Wow.
Dustin Rybka [00:47:53]:
And I’m just very straightforward, just like I am now, just younger. And I was like, listen, if you guys are trying to have a night, right, just let’s set some ground rules. Like, who’s in, who’s out, what are we doing? And they were blown away that someone has just offered whatever. And so this one girl was like, well, I have a boyfriend, so I can’t be involved or whatever. And her friend’s like, but you could watch. And she’s like, okay, yeah, I guess. Offered that, yeah, I guess I could watch or whatever. All my friends, they see me go in the room with two girls.
Dustin Rybka [00:48:34]:
They see me go in the room with, like, a girl, but this time I’m going in the room with five girls, and they’re just like, fuck you, dude.
Heather [00:48:40]:
I can see that.
Dustin Rybka [00:48:41]:
What is this? You’re not even that cool. We go in there, and it ends up being like, this girl. I’m like, well, hey, grab that chair. Right? So she’s like, sitting in a chair, and at first she’s just watching it to me and her four other friends, and four is a lot. I mean, let’s be real, right.
Heather [00:49:04]:
To me and four girls, the coordination, logistics.
Dustin Rybka [00:49:09]:
Yeah. And they had never done anything with each other before, but I was like, listen, if we’re going to do this, you need to just sort of go with it. For the night, for the time being, if you’re comfortable. And they’re like, yeah, fuck it. Whatever. The whole night was like a, yeah, fuck it. So I grabbed two of them and put them together. Then it’s me and the other two, and things get really.
Dustin Rybka [00:49:31]:
Time starts passing by and everyone’s having sex with everyone.
Heather [00:49:34]:
You have the one watching in the corner.
Dustin Rybka [00:49:37]:
Well, except now she’s over at the bed with her pants completely down, like full on masturbating, right?
Heather [00:49:47]:
Wow.
Dustin Rybka [00:49:48]:
Yes. And this is like, I would call it like the crescendo or whatever. And we’re all doing our thing, and I don’t know, it seems like a long time has gone by, right? But the sun is coming up at this point. There’s still people partying. And the one girl says, whispers to the other girl, and I’m like, what’s going on? And before I know it, the girl who’s masturbating is actually squirting all over all of us. Yes. They knew that she was going to do that, right? Well, they kind of whispered like, hey, she looks close kind of a thing. What if she does that? And I was like, wait, what? Then? Before I could say anything, it was just like a fucking fire hydrant all over the place.
Dustin Rybka [00:50:37]:
So when I’m asked about nightlife stories and sex, those are the two that really kind of pop out to me a bit.
Heather [00:50:44]:
I understand why that’s pretty crazy.
Dustin Rybka [00:50:49]:
Yeah. Why wouldn’t I start a fucking podcast?
Heather [00:50:53]:
Let’s bring it full circle, though. That was so amazing. But what made you decide? Okay, I’m kind of done with nightlife. And now you’re in a committed relationship.
Dustin Rybka [00:51:04]:
Yeah, well, when the pandemic hit.
Heather [00:51:14]:
Because.
Dustin Rybka [00:51:15]:
I don’t think you can age out of nightlife if you’re like 40, 50, you could still rock it if you knew what you’re doing, if you’re appropriately dressing, and who cares? Even if you’re not, who gives a.
Heather [00:51:28]:
Shit as long for you? Yeah.
Dustin Rybka [00:51:31]:
And if you can throw a party and that party makes money, guess what, right? You’re in. And you’re in forever. But for me, I just felt like, truly, like, nightlife is like my first love. And I always tell people, it taught me more than any school. It was like real deal, whether sexuality, psychology, marketing, marketing, marketing, marketing. There’s no harder field than that. It’s easier to sell phone books or something door to door in the fucking 1950s than it is to fucking convince 1000 people to come to your party when they could be anywhere and repeatedly every weekend. For 15 years.
Dustin Rybka [00:52:18]:
I mean, that’s insane. I really soured on relationships and the pandemic hit, and I just thought, okay, I had lived in Chicago a little bit, but I’m like, I’m going to move back Chicago, so when the pandemic ends, I can come out of it. Not in this shitty little Ohio city, okay. But in a beautiful place that is cultured and fun and I wouldn’t mind dying in if I had Ohio. It’s not for lovers.
Heather [00:52:55]:
A great place to.
Dustin Rybka [00:53:00]:
So I moved back to Chicago, and I was still kind of in that mindset. I actually thought, like, oh, wow, look at everything that, you know, I had a couple of relationships that didn’t go well. Obviously, a lot of it was my fault, but some of it wasn’t. There’s always blame to go around. And I just thought, I’m not made for that, right? And I had someone on my podcast, and I had, like, a strict rule, we’re not going to do that. We’re not going to bang the guest and whatever. But her and I started talking on the side after she did an episode and it aired, and she was just incredibly smart and incredibly kind. Of course, she was engaged to be married.
Heather [00:53:54]:
Right, because that’s your type.
Dustin Rybka [00:53:56]:
Yeah, the whole thing. The whole thing. But then the more that it went on, I just felt different. There was something about her, and I think she saw all my chaos and wasn’t like everybody else, like, oh, I’m scared of that. And I thought, okay, she just wants. What I’ve always given to people is like a digital fuck buddy, or maybe we have sex with each other or whatever. But it just became apparent that her relationship with her fiance at the time wasn’t that great and hadn’t been that great for a while.
Heather [00:54:32]:
Okay.
Dustin Rybka [00:54:33]:
And she went to him and told him, like, hey, I kind of met this person. I kind of want to explore it and whatever. So as soon as that happened, and I say this to her all the time, I hate relationships. I really do. I think they’re expensive. I think they’re a waste of time. I think they’re very limiting, interesting.
Heather [00:54:53]:
Okay.
Dustin Rybka [00:54:54]:
But I love being in a relationship with her because it’s none of those things.
Heather [00:54:59]:
I love that for you. Okay.
Dustin Rybka [00:55:01]:
Yeah. And I’ve never felt like I could. I always was myself, but there was always resistance to it. Every girlfriend I had, all of my girlfriends are great ex girlfriends. All my girlfriends. All my ex girlfriends are great people. I would never talk shit about any of them. There’s nothing to talk shit about.
Dustin Rybka [00:55:24]:
But everybody I dated had a desire to change me, to change who I was, what I was doing. They met me through nightlife, but guess what they don’t want me doing, you know? Now I have a fucking sign behind me that says sex. Like, I’m sure that a lot of people would have problems with that too, but with Gianna, with my current partner, I’ve never felt more seen, and I’ve never felt like, oh, I remember telling her in the beginning, I’m very chaotic. People call me chaotic. And instead of her being like, oh, it’s too bad. See you later, or whatever, she was like, well, in some cultures, chaos is worshipped like a God. They welcome chaos because it’s cleansing.
Heather [00:56:12]:
What a cool response, right?
Dustin Rybka [00:56:15]:
Who wouldn’t fall in love, right? Yeah. So after a conversation or ten like that, I was just, like, really, truly felt head over heels and felt real. For as public as I’ve been and for being on a stage for half my life, whether it’s acting or nightlife, right? I never felt more seen than I did when I met her. And so I was like, hate relationships or not. Guess who’s getting into a relationship? So we started dating, and it’s been like a year and a. You know, we moved in with each, like, she lived in my little dinky Chicago apartment for eight months, and now we’re in this big apartment together, and it just works. Just, like, worked out. And I think she loves that I have a sex podcast, and she loves that I’m like, we should try some things, jana, she loves that and she loves.
Dustin Rybka [00:57:21]:
I always think of, like, we go to a concert or something. Like, these are okay seats, but, you know, it would be better if I could talk us into. She’s like, let’s try, like, she’s open minded, not like, oh, I’m nervous. What if you get caught?
Heather [00:57:34]:
You guys are so cute. I mean, I’ve seen the clips of you together on Instagram, and I’m just like, she’s adorable, by the way. And, yeah, you guys just have a really cool, adorable energy.
Dustin Rybka [00:57:47]:
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we definitely have been talking about making more fun little content like that together because people seem to really enjoy it. Once in a while, we’ll jump on a live on Instagram or Facebook, and people are just really receptive. It’s really nice.
Heather [00:58:09]:
Yeah. That’s so cool.
Dustin Rybka [00:58:10]:
That’s always fun. Yeah, for sure.
Heather [00:58:11]:
Well, thank you so much for sharing more serious and deep stories and some wild and crazy stories and opening up. This was fun just to get to ask you the questions. So if people are like, this Dustin guy is not boring, where can we find more about him? Where can they go find you?
Dustin Rybka [00:58:31]:
Well, you can find sex party with Dustin Ribka everywhere. Podcasts are available. Apple, Spotify, Google, Stitcher. I heart. It’s everywhere. Okay. But you can also find it on YouTube. It’s at Sexparty FM.
Heather [00:58:49]:
Nice.
Dustin Rybka [00:58:50]:
Instagram at Sexparty FM because we got deleted and had to restart. You could find me at Dustin Ribca. Dustinryb, as in boy K-A-I feel like I’m at the DMV.
Heather [00:59:05]:
And we will actually link to these. We’re probably not going to link to his naked running around acting story, but maybe. You never know.
Dustin Rybka [00:59:12]:
Hey, I always tell people, like, my penis is on the Internet somewhere. Happy hunting. So, whatever, I don’t care. They’re going to run me through for the podcast my penis or something.
Heather [00:59:27]:
It’s pretty much too late for you to run for political office.
Dustin Rybka [00:59:30]:
But that’s okay the way things are going, though, right?
Heather [00:59:33]:
Wouldn’t that be cool if we had, like, a really sex positive politician? I would love it.
Dustin Rybka [00:59:38]:
It would be great. It should be a woman, though.
Heather [00:59:40]:
Thank you. Maybe it’ll be me, but probably not, because politics seems terrible. So let’s stick with podcasting.
Dustin Rybka [00:59:46]:
Really horrible. Yeah. Podcasting for life.
Heather [00:59:49]:
Podcasters for life. All right, well, thank you, everybody, for listening. This has been super fun episode, and I will catch you guys next Monday. Bye, you. Papa. Papa. Papa. Close.
